erotic city


"Nothing but the Naked Truth"

October 2002


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INK-N-PINK GOES TO HELL

 

They say it's a long hard road outta hell, but lemme tell ya, the road to hell isn't exactly what I would call an expressway, either. Over the past several months, the ever-present threat of another Ink-N-Pink festival has been looming on the horizon like a recurring case of genital warts. The problem with this was that I started having flashbacks of Ink-N-Pink's past terrors, which brought me to the conclusion that it was time to let Ink-N-Pink die a quiet and peaceful death. Hopefully, no one would notice. My hopes didn't last long. As you can see by the prominent presence in this month's issue, Ink-N-Pink is back in full force. So I'm gonna dedicate this month's Erotic City to you, Ink-N-Pink. You've been my bitch mistress for the past two years, but we're gonna use each other one last time, and then we're through. When I've parted ways with lovers in the past, its always common courtesy to fuck each other's brains out one last time before it's all over. And if memory serves me correctly, the sex is usually superior when you know that there are no strings attached. So hopefully, this will apply to this month's upcoming flesh-fest.

 

HELL'S BELLES

The one central force binding Ink-N-Pink has always been the competition to achieve the crown of Miss Ink-N-Pink. Year One gave us the hypnotic sex kitten Sage, who chose to retire once she was blessed with her crown. She served as our intoxicating hostess for Year Two's tattoo odyssey and passed off her crown to the incredibly powerful performance artist Anya. So who will be our final princess of painted flesh in this tattooed trilogy of terror?

When it comes to a standard exotic dancer, there's a brand-new batch of babes coming of age as each day passes. And unfortunately, in this town, things like talent and/or beauty are not prerequisites when choosing exotic dancer as a career choice. If you've got a hole and a heartbeat, you are more than welcome to take it all off in one of our fine establishments here in Pornland. And hey, if you've got a crystal meth habit, an abusive boyfriend, and multiple illegitimate children tugging on your ankles, then you are truly made to be a stripper, baby!

But when selecting a tattooed dancer for an event such as Ink-N-Pink, the prospective talent is much harder to come by. Tattooed dancers are not born; they are painstakingly created with each buzz of the needle carving into their flesh. The sacred temple of their bodies becomes a canvas which will translate the world as seen through the eyes of their individual lives. Sounds really deep, doesn't it? But think about it, kiddies, it doesn't get any deeper than a tattoo. I look at the ink stains I've had carved into my flesh over the years and I'll admit that I've already had some remorse about my choices. But an exotic dancer spends a major percentage of her career exposing every inch of her flesh to every degenerate in this city. So when a dancer adorns herself with a tattoo, she better make damn sure its something she's gonna be comfortable with.

A prospective Ink-N-Pink girl is not just some random twirler with a rose tattooed on her ankle or some cracked-out stripping relic with a Harley-Davidson symbol over her ass. The girls we look for consider the body as a whole, one complete canvas. When you look at walking works of art like Sage and Anya, you should be able to see exactly what I'm talking about.

So the tattoos are only half the battle when seeking success in Ink-N-Pink competition. Talent is also a must. And if you're lacking on the talent, ladies, you better be hot as hell if you expect to get anywhere. Just hopping up on stage in a tacky fluorescent tub dress from the clearance rack at Cathie's isn't gonna score you any points. And performing creative moves such as bending over and spreading your ass cheeks, or flossing your snatch with a soiled thong, is gonna leave you coming up short as well.

Get the point now. Miss Ink-N-Pink contenders are becoming more and more difficult to find in this town. We want it all. Excessive tattoos, hot chicks, and talent all wrapped up in one unique package. One young lady actually spent a good part of this year dousing her flesh in ink for the sole purpose to participate in a contest, which we almost didn't have. There are a few leftover near-misses from

past years that'll be giving it another shot with a little more feeling. Ink-N-Pink history has given us quite a few special ladies in the past three years. These hellions possess traits such as determination, fierce competitiveness, insecure intimidation and manipulation, sexual frustration, addiction, and dysfunction. Now I'm not sure what type of women some of the other contests out there are looking for, but we're talking about the perfect Ink-N-Pink typecast role-model here. And just suppose you've ever been ejected from an Ink-N- Pink event in the past and were hoping you might be able to join us for our final crusade? No problem, baby, all you have to do is get Ink-N-Pink tattooed across your ass, get fired by Doc's Bar and Grill, Cocktails and Dreams, Union Jacks, and The Pallas, and we just might consider you as blow-job consultant to the stage crew. This year's prospects are still coming together at press time, but from what I've seen so far, we've got some great fresh meat on the platter for you all to feast on, my friends. But feed well, for this is your Last Supper.

 

 

VENUES OF DESTRUCTION

 

Another entertaining part of Ink-N-Pink has always been the locations where these unholy events have taken place. Certain clubs seem like they would be a natural for an event such as this, and others will never quite fit the mold. One unexpected success has always been Jody's Bar and Grill. Now, when you walk up to a good old boy such as Jody Tanner and try to sell him on the idea of a bunch of tattooed freaks marching into his club, bringing along a couple of half-naked pyromaniacs, and we get to keep all the money, what else would you expect him to say but, "Sounds like a great idea!" The beautiful thing about Jody is, that is exactly how he responded. He, as well as the rest of Jody's staff, believed in Ink-N-Pink when it was nothing. Now, three years later, it's still nothing, and they still believe in us. As a
matter of fact, Jody's Bar & Grill is probably the inciting incident that led to Ink-N-Pink being resurrected at all this year. When I told Brad Tanner there would be no event, he threw himself in front of my car and cried like a little girl until I comforted him, and found myself weakened by his boyish good looks and agreed to do one more year. But that isn't gonna work next year, Brad, unless you start putting out. So this year, Ink-N-Pink's most sacred night of Halloween will be held at Jody's. Costume contests and big prizes for all at this one.

Another long-termer in the Ink-N-Pink family has been Union Jacks. Ink-N-Pink was born here, and in some ways, inspired by this dark, gothic alternative landmark of nudity, which made it a natural to launch this event within its dark and comfortable walls. The first cut will tear through Jacks on Friday, October 18th. Over the years, I've watched Jacks struggle to overcome a stereotype of offering nothing but the darkest, angriest, Goth-ridden Prozac princesses in PDX. Now that they offer a stellar lineup of diversified entertainers, Ink-N-Pink is taking them back to their roots. Look for an outdoor vendor and tattoo chamber on their beer garden this year, not to mention live tattooing as well, (possibly even piercing as well.)

Our last two host clubs will be the Pallas Club taking on their second year in the family. Last year's event packed 'em in, and the high-tech cavernous atmosphere along with huge multiple runway stages worked remarkably well for Ink-N-Pink. Check out the Pallas gig on Thursday, October 24th. Which leads us to the big finale. Welcome back to Cleopatra's Viewpoint. Ink-n-Pink will wrap up on Saturday, November 2nd at The Viewpoint. Don't miss this one if you wanna have any stories to terrify your grandkids with. This will be the absolute last, final, end-of-it-all event to put Ink-N-Pink in its grave once and for all. We'll announce our winner and slam you with every alternatively arousing trick in our perverted little bags on this one. Let's just say it'll be fortunate that Sunday is the morning after, cause they'll be lining up for confession on this one. And you'll even have the perfect escape to ditch your girlfriend by sending her upstairs for the Male Review while you ogle these tattooed beauties one last time.


WELCOME TO HELL, LESBIANS!

 

Okay, now its no secret that Exotic magazine has had a somewhat controversial relationship with our bush-lickin' babes out there. Be sure to join us for a first when Ink-N-Pink is joining together with our favorite doorman, Jim Goad, to present you with "What's With All the Lesbians?" LIVE!!! This event will be tied in with The Ink-N-Pink V.I.P. Party held at The Devil's Point on Thursday, October 17th. There's only a couple of ways to get in on this very elite, limited-seating event. You will either receive a V.I.P. invitation courtesy of Ink-N-Pink; you can blow an Exotic staff member; or you can bring along an angry lesbian willing to verbally spar with the mind of Jim Goad. Confirmation of lesbianism will be required on entry. Upon proof, receive a buck off for every lesbian you bring. Prizes will be offered for hottest lipstick lesbian and butchest dyke. Aside from all this, the party will launch The Devil's Point's entry into the hall of Exotic entertainment history. As for Mr. Goad himself, part of Ink-N-Pink's decision to wrap things up this year was brought about by the startling conclusion that Goad's upcoming venture Twats wit' Tats is being heralded as "A Tattoo Competition for the rest of us." Guess he'll be picking up all those toothless tattooed trollops that didn't make Ink-N-Pink's most-desirable list. Rumor has it he'll drag this event to a conclusion at white-trash landmarks such as The Sandy Jug and Dino's Inn. The potential threat of success this event poses might just be too much for us here at Pink Central to stomach. Not to mention his Cuntz-n-Bluntz festival for stoner strippers. Better for Ink-N-Pink to bow out gracefully before things start getting ugly with Goad behind the wheel.

That'll bring us to the end of our special Ink-N-Pink edition of Erotic City. We'll get back to more shit-talking and scandal next month after Ink-N Pink is dead and buried. But remember, Portland, there's always room in the Exotic graveyard for us to bury our next victim. Make sure you get your ass out into the clubs this month and hop on board our little tattooed caravan across Portland. We'll all be there and we'll be heavily armed and well protected, so don't even think about it.

 

 


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