: January 2003: The Jack Shack
Jordan's Weapons of Ass Destruction
from Evil Empire
productions in Porn Valley has one thing in
common with weapons of mass destruction from
our own evil empire: its stockpile of power
proves less threatening even as it increases
exponentially every year. We have the power
to nuke Iraq but the downside is far worse.
Were we to do so, we really would be the evil
empire which would turn the world against
us and make it impossible to run the global
economy. In porn, ass destruction, ass worship,
asses twitching and asses plundered have become
so routine it is no longer possible to produce
an ass vid of any real staying power. It's
all been done before.
like the slow march to war, one goes for the
middle ground. Threaten and bluster, all the
while knowing those 12,000 pages of documents
from Iraq claiming they have no weapons of
mass destruction is the latest lie in a history
of lies. I would not say 12,000 butt fucks
constitute a lie. However, that does get tedious.
So what I find remarkable about ass-bashing
porn is that it must continue to sell or it
would not be churned out.
of Ass Destruction begins promisingly
buttocks encased in tight pants wiggling to
the rising sound of jet planes taking off
for a bombing run. Regrettably, that's the
only connection between war and porn. I suppose
one could read war into it if you consider
plunging a dildo up Belladonna's ass a metaphor
for sticking it to Saddam Hussein. Or rather,
many dildos. Belladonna appears to enjoy the
feeding. It looks like an experiment to see
just how many dildos her ass can take at once.
In this instance it was three. I shudder to
think we may have a flurry of forthcoming
vids trying to top that act. Remember the
gang-bang vid phase a few years ago where
one girl took on a hundred guys? Then it was
300. Then 500. I think it topped out around
564. I don't think any asshole could take
500 dildos, although if George W. Bush wanted
to try that out on Saddam I'd be all for it.
vid runs about two hours, so if thermonuclear
ass worship is what jerks your erect radiance,
this one is for you. The best scene is with
Gauge in a cage. Gauge is the hottest looking
girl in the pack. Decked out in leopard skin,
she crawls around a cage
looking for cock. (The rinky-dink cage looks
like something purchased at Wal-Mart and
the scene is set in a well-lit office, so
those expecting a Tarzan redux might
naked guys approach the cage and stick their
dicks between the wires. At moments like
this, I always flip on the news on my other
screen. Some expert analyst-type on Fox
News is saying the Iraqi arms declaration
fails to account for biological and chemical
agents that somehow disappeared when the
weapons inspectors from the United Nations
left four years ago. The missing stuff included
500 shells filled with mustard gas and another
150 bombs stuffed with biological agents.
On top of that, some British spooks are
sure Iraq has bought oodles of highly enriched
uranium to use for their nuclear program.
worries me, as does the highly enriched
sperm stored up in the dicks of the quartet
of studs surrounding Gauge's cage. They
keep sticking their dicks between the wire
slats. As she crawls around sucking them
off it looks like their colossally thick
cocks are getting sliced by the wire. They're
not, of course, and maybe the wire acts
as a kind of cock ring to keep them hard.
This is not a turn on, but it is interesting
to watch. Finally, one of the guys opens
the cage and Gauge pops out. At this point
she gets plundered by all of them.
expert analyst type on Fox News says Saddam
is using the arms inspection as a tactic
to delay the war. He sure is, but like Gauge
in the cage, it's only a matter of time
before he's gonna get plundered big time.
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