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xmag.com : February 2003: How to heal your Exploding Hearts!

Have you ever wished you were in Liverpool when the Beatles were sleeping around? Or in London when the Clash were scanning the musician classifieds? Or in Birmingham when the Buzzcocks were buzzcocking each other? Do your favorite 45's come and go as quick as a hit of nitrous? Then the EXPLODING HEARTS are for you!!


Born in the back of the Spider Babies' shitty van less than three years ago, the Exploding Hearts already have the cream of the punk chick crop in the front row at all their shows. With songs like "(Making) Teenage Faces" and "Rumours in Town" they have beguiled pretty pop rockers with catchy and tuneful promises of punk love, back seat grope fests, shitfaced proms and the like. They caught on so fast that their first LP Guitar Romantic was instantly dubbed record of the year and KNRK had the Hearts as their very first in-house band. The boys played two hours worth of outros, a sensitive acoustic set and were interviewed by Art Alexakis from that other big local pop-rock outfit, Everclear. Daria from The Gustav and Daria Show even let them look at her "gynormous and beautiful rack for a really long time!"

And so should you. These guys have punk rock pedigrees (Adam was in Coco Cobra and the Killers) and are as dreamy as all hell. They're unemployed, eat burritos and would love to smoke your pot.

I tried to track them down after a show in support of the Bangs from Olympia (who fuckin' rule!). But this mod and moody bunch had stormed off the stage after only four two-minute songs and were long gone by the time I got my tequila. So I cornered them at Tennessee Red's, where they can often be found drinking anything you'll buy them.

It was karaoke night. Every chick in the bar was singing Indigo Girls' "Closer to Fine" when I arrived and from there it only got worse. But the undeniable charm of this undeniably great band distracted me completely (until this girl crawled on the bar in front of us with her big white ass half out of her pants shouting at the bewildered crowd something very Pat Benatar and then did a Stevie Nicks). After one hour and three rounds I felt like I had lived A Hard Day's Night. Here's the final score: Adam is the cute one. Matt is the hot one. Terry is the dreamboat. And the Kid is the drummer and we all know we should NEVER DATE THE DRUMMER!!!

guitar, vocals
age: 23
sign: Leo
hair color: Blonde
favorite record: Dead Boys' Young, Loud and Snotty
status: "Seeking drunken ho's."
what are you looking for in a girl? "A car, a 401K plan, and a yard I can run my dog in."
worst drunk disaster: "After Coco Cobra and the Killers played New Year's Eve at Satyricon, I ended up at Union Jack's, totally obliterated and wearing a Mexican wrestling mask sideways so I couldn't see. I decided it would be a good idea to get up on stage and dance. Suddenly I'm out on Burnside and this giant Russian motherfucker is kicking my ass. I'll get you you fucking tail-eating Russian motherfuckers! After he layed me out and left, I got up and decided to beat the crap out of this red Miata...you know...Russia, red....anyway the Miata's a piece of crap and has PLASTIC windows, so instead of breaking the windows, I broke my hand."
what strip clubs can we find you at? "I used to work at Sassy's and Doc's."
fuck any strippers while you were there? "NO COMMENT!"
favorite stripper song of all time: "Eat Me Out" by GG Allin.
favorite stripper outfit: Punk rock redux, fishnets, leather mini. "When the girls look like they're in the X-Ray Spex and shit! I love all the cute punk rock chicks in town. Ooohhh, I love you."
favorite bands of the last few years: The Riffs, The Spits
what color panties are you wearing and how long have you been wearing them?
"Black boxer briefs. But I'd take 'em off for you."
quote: "If any girls wanna get stoned with the Exploding Hearts they can totally do that. We fuckin' LOVE to smoke pot with strippers in their cars."
age: 22
sign: Aries
hair color: Black curly shag. Very Keith Richards. Totally dreamy.
favorite record: Exploding Hearts' Guitar Romantic
status: single
what are you looking for in a girl? "If she can take me, I'll take her. Plus she has to have brains, ass and breasts."
brains? why brains? "Cuz then you can fuck her brains out."
worst drunk disaster? "Last week at our show, involving booze, girls, cocaine, drugs and hair. I made out with a girl who hates me. Now she loves me." [Hair? --ed.]
favorite stripper song: Rolling Stones' "Beast of Burden"
what color panties are you wearing and how long have you been wearing them?
"None since noon."
sweet ride: 1985 Volvo DL
age: 26
sign: Capricorn
hair color: Dark, long and curly.
favorite record: First two Big Star records.
status: undecided
worst drunk disaster: "I was at the Matador and this guy was bugging this cute chick so I beaned him with my pint glass. It hit him right in the forehead. Blood was erupting everywhere. Angelo had me arrested and they threw me into detox. After I proved that I was totally sober I went around the corner to some shithole on MLK and Burnside and got smashed."
what strip clubs can we find you in? "Mary's Club. Magic Garden. I used to work at Paradise Video. The best thing that ever happened to me at Paradise Video was getting fired."
favorite stripper song: Anything by Alex Chilton.
what color panties are you wearing and how long have you been wearing them? Black briefs.
cool tattoo: Amongst many other bitchin' tattoos, the Kid has half a woman--the lower half--tattooed on his inner shoulder. She's naked and bent over, blood cascading gracefully from her asshole. Above it says PUNKIN'. Nice!
age: 22
sign: Aquarius
hair color: Dark brown, mousy and hot!
favorite record: Crime's San Francisco's Doomed [make me a tape! --ed.]
status: stoned
what are you looking for in a girl? Brains and ass.
worst drunk disaster: [off the record]
favorite stripper song: "Too Fast for Love"
favorite stripper outfit: White stockings and a leather jacket.
what color panties are you wearing and how long have you been wearing them? Yellow for twelve hours.


On March 10th, Dirtnap Records will release Guitar Romantic on CD. The best pop rock to come out in twenty years, Guitar Romantic looks great covered with your collection of punk buttons, on the floor with your Riffs t-shirt and Sex Pistol panties or on the wall next to your Nick Lowe poster. Portland's been tweaking the pop/garage/punk formula forever now, and these guys got it as right as it's gonna get!
Catch the Exploding Hearts LIVE at the Blackbird on Valentine's Day. They'll be playing spin the bottle onstage, so pick your favorite and cross your fingers!





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