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xmag.com : March 2003: The J-Mack Report

by J. Mack


What's up P-Town?

It was a pretty busy month for me but I was still able to get my party on! In this issue of "Whatz Crackin'" I'll give you an inside look at Girls Night Out at Club Exotica's V.I.P. Room. It was definitely crackin'! I will also be addressing some issues that I have with the way some of these Portland nightclubs have been treating the brothers. Our music is making them money, but we are continuously getting treated like shit at the door. Can you say "Stereo Typed"? I'll also fill you in on the cool thangz that are happening around town as well as on the national scene.




This joint was a cool mixture of cool people, in a cool place, having a cool time. I haven't had that much fun in a while. If you missed it, you've probably heard about it. It was everything that a party should be. Even the security catz were dancin' wit' honeys. Party Girlz Entertainment promoted the event and plan to continue their mission to kick it every Sunday Night in the V.I.P. Room of Club Exotica International. D.J. Joe T. was in rare form!!! This cat played all the cutz, new and old school. He kept it jumpin' all night! The crowd consisted of a great variety of people having a blast. From older white catz in business suits to Hip-Hop heads in throw-backs, various nightclub owners, recording artists and some of the sexiest women in Oregon. They were all there and it was all to the good!!! Just take a look at some of the flicks.... Make sure you're at the next one!!! It's gonna be crackin' every Sunday Night. Big ups to Sonni at N-Style Photography for the snap shots. Ooooh Weeeeh!!!




The Backwards Ass Clubs


First of all, this does not apply to all the clubs that play Hip-Hop music to draw their crowds. Mainly it's aimed towards a couple of places that I recently went to and was treated real fucked up at the door. I have always respected clubs that know how to treat people, and sincerely appreciate your business. These two spots have very little respect for the culture of people that their musical format attracts. It's like if I was to throw a country western party and not let anyone in that had on a cowboy hat or snakeskin boots. That wouldn't even be cool, plus it doesn't make any sense.

Let me break it down even more. These two clubs play 75% rap music and 25% other songs in between. They have signs at the front the read NO Tennis Shoes, NO Ball caps, NO sweat suits, and NO athletic apparel. Now think about the clothing worn by most rappers and people that are into Hip-Hip. They wear tennis shoes, ball-caps, sweat suits, and athletic apparel. At one of the locations mentioned above, I was told that I couldn't get in the club because my pants were too baggy. It's like they didn't want a brothers ballz to have any breathing room. Plus J.Mack does not own a pair of tight ass, nut suffocatin', wrangler jeans. This by the way is what this mutha-fucka had on. The other club had a doorman/ security guard/ hater who told me I couldn't get in the club because of my dada loafers. I told him "your sign says no tennis shoes". He was still trippin'!!! The cold part about this situation is that the same little buster, two weeks prior to this incident,, let me in the club wearing the same pair of shoes. He had to have been one of the dumbest haters I've ever met in life. He is also this month's recipient of the "Bass Ackward Award". Hatred and stupidity had him in a headlock and wouldn't let him go. This cat needs love. Somebody hug 'm and tell that all black men in baggy clothes and shoes that he can't pronounce aren't out to kill 'm, or start any problems. It's OK...Don't be scared!!!


National Stiznuff


50 Cent is much more than pocket change. After receiving $1,000,000 to sign with Eminem's label, this cat has not looked back. His new album GET RICH or DIE TRYIN' was recently released and it's been selling out everywhere!!! Nightclubs, radio stations, and T.V. shows got 50 Cent's shit on and crackin'! The album has had record-breaking sales and is holdin' it down on the charts. He hasn't gone on a tour yet, but he just performed at a big party in Atlanta, Ga. It was hosted by our 2 favorite crack-heads, Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Imagine that!!!

Mike Tyson won't fight. Damn!!! Whatz really crackin'? I can't believe this fight got canceled. The notorious ear nibbler backed out of it because of an apparent illness. Then the day after, he decided that it's back on. Clifford Etienne, who Mike was

suppose to fight, said it was too late because people in his camp had already left Memphis, TN, where the bout was to be held. It had been reported that Iron Mike had to break major bread with Uncle Sam and wouldn't really make any money off this fight. People in his camp also said that the ex-champ had been acting real strange. That might explain my boy's new tattoo on the side of his grill??? "Whether you fight or not I'll be prayin' for you dogg." ONE!!!

Eminem has a Look-a-Like that has been hittin' bank licks in the New Jersey Area. F.B.I officials said this cat his hit over 10 banks for about $30,000. When the description of the suspect was released, one of the agents commented that he resembled the rapper Eminem. Either Slim has a twin somewhere out there, or he's a lot more Shady than I thought.

J.D. & Janet Jackson- No!!!! Hell no!!! Say it ain't so!!! Tell me it's just some old bullshit rumors. I'm having a real hard time trying to figure this one out. Recently Jermaine Dupri of So So Def Records confirmed that him and Janet Jackson are definitely dating. FUUUUUCK!!! I'm not being a hater, but isn't that an odd ass couple? Just thinking about her doin' it to him gives me a headache and I can't stop my fist from balling up. I'm really trippin' y'all. In an interview with Honey Magazine, Jermaine Dupri said, "I love the way I feel when I'm around her." It must be real fuckin' nice dude! As for you, Ms. Jackson, I refuse to give up on you girl. I still love you boo. Just don't get mad at me for given you this month's "I GAVE COOCHEE TO A TROLL" award. I need some weed. I'll Holla!


The Honey of the Month--Ms. Dominique of the Party Girlz


This sexy Honey was selected because she is supa-dupa cool to kick it wit. She also was the life of the party at "Girlz Nite Out," and for her to be as fly as she is, she is still down to earth. I dig that! Congrats Girl!!!!!








My Parties in March


Every Sunday I'll be hosting "GIRLZ NITE OUT" with D.J. Joe T. inside the VIP Room of Club Exotica. OooooH Weee!

Thursday March 13th I'll be at the same location, but this time I'll be performing LIVE wit' new joints I recorded in L.A.

Saturday March 15th The Jam Stand @ MONTEGO'S



Reach Me!


If you have someone you think should be the Honey of the Month. Reach me and tell me why! Or if you would like more information about my parties, or if you just want to say what up, reach me at whatzcrackin_j@hotmail.com

Until next Month, Y'all Keep It Crackin'!!!


I'm Out,





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