Happy Holidays, Portland. All of us “proverts” here at Exotic magazine would like to take this time to wish every one of you everything you
desire stuffed in your stockings and wrapped up under your trees. But
we know that’s physically impossible now, isn’t it? Actually, you know goddamned
well that a lot of you deserve nothing more than a lump of coal and a
kick in the ass. But here in our own version of Sin City, being “nice” gets you
nowhere; it’s all about the naughty. And that seems to be something we do
quite well here. So forget about caroling on Xmas Eve and visions of sugarplums
dancing in your
head. We all know what
you’d prefer to have dancing
in (or should I say “on”)
your head. And of course,
living in Portland means
you don’t have to look very
far to find exactly that.
To start it off, the ULTIMATE
event to celebrate
this sinful season, Sunday, Dec. 17th, is at the all-new
Myst, as Exotic magazine
featuring Exotic Cover
Girls, go-go dancers, sexy
guest performers, DJs/
Dancing, and the highflying
sexy burlesque troupe,
for invites, or take your chances and pay $10 at the door without.
IN THE CLUBS
Aces High has a butt-rock paradise in store for you this month
as Indigo Spirits and Wild Child Magazine present LA
Guns (the original lineup, even) with The Bullet Boys and
Appetite for Deception @ 9:30 pm on Thursday, Dec. 17th. In
addition, Aces is now serving Hawaiian-style dining courtesy of
Noho’s Hawaiian Café, plus a free table dance (with coupon) on Fridays
Cabaret I and II will be ringing in the new at their 2007 New Year’s Party
@ both clubs, featuring giveaways and extravagant theme shows. Have no
fear, they’ll be open until 9pm on Xmas Eve and open @ 6pm on Xmas day.
Stop by the all-new Carnaval and pay a visit to the house slave appearing at
their Festival of Flesh. And over at The Dancin’ Bare, saddle up for the
“Ride to the Run” @ 9am on Saturday, Dec. 2nd, plus a Christmas Party on
Sunday, Dec. 24th, and they’ll wrap up the festivities with their “Strip in the
New Year Party” on Sunday, Dec. 31st.
The Dream On Saloon keeps it real with a daily Happy Hour at 6pm-
9pm featuring all draft pints (including micros) for $2. And you can check
out their Christmas Bash on Saturday, Dec. 16th. Monday nights are Ladies’
Nights, (actually, seems like EVERY night is ladies’ night in a strip club, doesn’t
it?), and for all you good ol’ boys and girls, Cowboy Thursdays are back!
DV8 will be holding their Amateur Night Thurs., Dec. 7th, plus a “Badder
Santa Party” on Sat., Dec. 16th, and if that’s not enough for you, check out the
“Winter Solstice Party and Pole Contest” on Thurs., Dec. 21st. Over at
Tommy’s III, drop on by for their Christmas Party on Saturday, Dec. 23rd,
with a free Ham and Turkey Buffet, prize giveaways, and extra-special
Never to be outdone is Exotica, as they host their “Winter Freeze Party”
on Saturday, Dec. 9th @ 9pm. This event will feature a Patron Ice Luge, stage
performances, TATTOO Snowboard Giveaway, a chance to win all-day lift
passes, complimentary food, and more prize giveaways all night long!
Head on over to check out the all-new Hawthorne Strip (Formerly
Dino’s Inn) featuring full bar, daily specials, and football on the big screen.
The Pallas is now open @ 3pm Weds. through Sun. and @ 11:30am Thurs.
through Sat., with free lunch on Thursday and Friday. Soobie’s also has you
covered for the nooner action with lunch specials @ noon including $2.99
bento, 1/2 lb. burgers and wings, and domestic draft specials.
Whether it’s the Winter Solstice, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, or New
Year’s, you can celebrate every holiday at Jody’s Bar & Grill. Don’t miss
their Triple Threat Wednesdays or Sundays with mini 9-ball, 8-ball, and 9-ball
tournaments w/cash prizes plus a Taco Bar every Thursday starting @ 11am.
Heading south for the winter? Be sure to stop into the Last Chance
Saloon in Gervais just north of Salem and be sure not to miss the Biggest
New Year’s Eve Party in Oregon at Stars Salem, now taking reservations for
singles and couples. Bob’s Adult Books is now expanding with Romeo’s
VIP Club, a new juice bar right upstairs featuring the finest ladies in the
valley. 18 & up, $10 cover, and the ladies always get in free.
503girls.com is now hiring nude models
and webcam performers. Dancers looking
for a change can check out what the Great
White North has to offer at Crazy Horse
Dancers. And if any dancers are looking for
a new ride, they should look up Austin’s
Autos, where they offer special financing
packages just for entertainers.
For special holiday gift ideas, B. A. Video has all-new bestiality DVDs
straight from the Netherlands just in time for Christmas. (Yeah, I know
that as soon as I finish trimming the tree, I like to cozy up in front of an
open fire and pop in some bestiality flick—it just wouldn’t seem like
Christmas without it!)
And you can now decorate your own flesh at Exotic Nights Books,
where they feature the best body jewelry prices in town! Looking to find
someone to poke some holes in ya to put that jewelry? Stop by Straight
To The Point Body Piercing. And for the gift that leaves you tingling,
pick yourself up the InnerVibe sensual vibrating ring with special pricing
for the ladies.
That’s it, my friends. Enjoy your holiday, stay safe, and remember, the
liver is evil and must be punished, so don’t drive…DRINK!