When I or a friend deal with our fear of rejection, one of the worst (and yet inevitable) comments someone can make is the innocent sounding, “Hey, what’s the worst that can happen?” Don’t give a neurotic an open field with that much running room. The first things that come to mind are such triflings as emasculation, private emasculation and being driven to illegal acts which eventually lead to public emasculation.

“A little rejection never killed anybody.” How true and yet how hollow. Whenever someone is trying and failing, a friend brings up the sometimes-apt anecdote about Babe Ruth. On his way to one batting record after another, guess who set a record for strikeouts? The Bambino, of course. The point your friend is trying to make is that, “to hit a homer, you’ve gotta swing at some wild pitches now and then.” The analogy falls apart when we look at the fact that Babe was notorious for paying for sex: most of us would rather be known for having women want to have sex with us.

A more instructive tale is that of Louis “Brilliantine” Brigante, another ballplayer (albeit little-known today) of the Depression-era. Louis never struck out at the plate, mainly because he never took a single swing at a pitch in his entire, brief pro career. Louis, however, never got rejected by women. He could ask any female for sex at any time and always get it. Brigante didn’t die of rejection, he died from lack of it; a slow, agonizing death at age 45 from complications due to syphilis.

I think my point is obvious. There is a reason for rejection. Rejection is God’s way of saying, “Why don’t you take another look at your options here?” And yet, we still get tied into knots at the thought of asking a woman we really want out.

One answer is to ask out only women you really don’t care to spend time with. There is no risk involved here, except the risk that you’ll probably get a “yes” 90% of the time, and date only women who find you attractive. And who needs that, right?

Another approach is to make a game of rejection. Most guys can relate to contests. Bet your buddies that you can get turned down by 12 women in one week. Chances are very good that you’ll be too busy with Rejection Attempt #7 or #9 to even get around to making 12 approaches, and certainly way too happy to mind parting with the $20 that was on the line. As cheap as I am, I found myself once, years ago, trying this method and swearing to myself, “Damn, I’m scoring like Michael Jordan against the Blazers’ bench. If I don’t change something soon, I’ll be out some serious bucks.” (Don’t laugh, this was 10 years ago and $20 was serious money then.)

Another plus of this method is that, by continuing to set your standards “too high” you find yourself getting better women than when you were going for that “sure thing.” This can alter your self-esteem for good. The safety net here also is that, if your “plan” is succeeding, you can reassure yourself with the thought that, “Hey, I’m getting rejected by better-looking women all the time!”

So, instead of emasculation, you now have the option of rejection from women your friends don’t even have the balls to approach, or possibly having more fun than you’re used to. No need to thank me, I don’t have the time anyway; I’m almost late for a date.

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This is reprinted from Exotic Magazine © 1996 X Publishing