Last Thursday was a great boot day for someone who spends a lot of time walking around looking for great boots.

First I was hiking down Southwest 10th Avenue when I saw a woman walking east-west. She was a big blonde in a flower-patterned dress and shiny stiletto heeled black boots which caught the harsh light of the sun. I was actually going to follow her, as is my wont, but I had an appointment.

Then, later in the day, I saw another blonde, small and thin, with Asian eyes. She was wearing old-style zip-up black boots with a high chunk heel. Her jeans were tucked into them, a fashion I’ve always liked.

Incredibly, right behind her was a tall brunette wearing the same style of boots. This was a big girl, and there was lots of leather covering her long calves.

Later, walking downtown, I spied a young black-booted black girl in the distance, so I instantly changed direction to follow her. When I got up close, I saw that her boots were faux alligator. I was able to walk close behind her for three blocks, my eyes never leaving her boots. She also had delightfully thick thighs and dyed-blonde hair.

But the day wasn’t over. Bored and lonely after a day of bootwatching, I went to the movies. First I watched The Phantom. I was pleased to see that this is what you might call a boot movie. That is, a movie in which the stars are coated in boots. In this case, the booted included Kristy Swanson, the blonde heroine, garbed in brown riding boots and jodhpurs, and Catherine Zeta Jones as the dark-haired villainess, encased in dark clothes and high-heeled black boots. There’s even a whole scene in which they talk about nothing but boots. Swanson has hidden some kind of map in her right boot (delightful close-up of this maneuver provided). Later, when Jones has captured Swanson, she expresses admiration for the upper-class Swanson’s boots and pulls one off, noting that it was purchased from an expensive, toney Fifth Avenue store. You can imagine my delight, what with this great scene of two chicks sitting around talking about boots, and the attendant wide-screen closeups.

Excited and discombobulated, I sneaked over to watch another movie, Striptease. I suspected that this too would be a boot movie, and I wasn’t disappointed. Demi Moore stars as a young mother who has to work as a stripper to raise money for a custody battle. Two scenes feature her in skimpy costumes that depend on the same pair of boots, pink, platformed, patent-leather boots with black laces up the front and big court heels. One scene, toward the end, even starts out with a closeup of the boots, lingering on them as the camera pulls back. Let it also be noted that Moore has tremendous legs, with the thighs rippled and knotted, and a tight, yet rounded butt. I left the theater a reasonably happy man.

At moments such as this I wonder what I would do if I had a fetish for something less common, such as women eating ice cream cones. Yet even the most obscure fetish can be satisfied if you know where to go. But it’s a boot world, thank the Goddess, and all I have to do is walk outside.

Jimmy Doyle is a former New York cop now living in Portland.