Our Man Flynt
The adoring daughter of American porn king Larry Flynt is pissed. Famed and flamed film-maker Oliver Stone (Platoon, Nixon, JFK, The Doors) is making a film about her daddy and saying nice things about him. In The People .vs Larry Flynt, Woody Harrelson plays Flynt as a brave campaigner for freedom of the press, according to Flynt’s 31-year-old daughter. The outraged offspring declares that, “My worst fears were justified. It shows him as a great guy who is interested only in fighting for freedom and the right for people to say and print whatever they want. This film justifies my Dad as a pornographer. It supports his argument that there are no victims of pornography, that it does no harm.” She contends that statements by serial killers and rapists prove otherwise. The opinions of forensic psychologists, who disagree, are no match for the PC excuses of perverts, apparently. Not to be left out of the mix, Tonya claims that she herself is a victim of pornography. “...when, at the age of 19, I was flat broke, the only way he would help me was if I agreed to pose nude for one of his magazines. And I felt I had to do it.” I suppose getting a job never occurred to her.

Maybe They Needed Hustler for Instructions?
After two weeks in an Oslo women’s cellblock, an inmate has finally confessed...to being a man. Initial confusion can be understood, given that the prisoner was arrested while he wore heavy make-up and women’s clothing. And granted, the fact he had breasts (he was half-way through sex reassignment surgery) must have caused some additional moments of uncertainty. But you’d think that the strip search would have revealed his still intact set of male genitals. A police spokesman understated the situation by commenting that “it seems pretty clear that our body-search techniques aren’t good enough.” Sounds reasonable to me.

Why Didn’t He Just Use His X-Ray Vision?
On a related note, Superman TV star Dean Cain learned a little something about dirty dancing recently. A raunchy temptress he was panting for in a Miami Beach nightclub turned out to be a guy. Always vigilant, a friendly bartender bailed Cain’s butt out of a potentially embarrassing situation by pointing out that the dancers were all female impersonators. I guess he gave up on his Reading is Fun-Demential tapes too soon.

Hollywood and Divine
No more hooking for Hugh Grant’s dusky beauty, Divine Brown. The famous blowhard will be concentrating on her acting career. For those of you who have mercifully forgotten or were living in an ashram, Grant and Brown were both charged with lewd conduct after cops caught them in the middle of a groinal-oral embrace in a BMW parked on Sunset Boulevard. Right now the Divine One has been promoting a video based on her side of the story called Taken For Granted. Speaking on BBC radio she said, “It’s over. I won’t go back. And I’m glad. It’s all roses for me from here.” I’m sure she’ll have a brilliant future rehashing her one moment of glory endlessly.

And Now We Will Close With a Hymn
Arguments can flame out of control after a few drinks, right? But usually the subject matter is secular...drenched in sin. For Gabel Taylor, 38, of intellectual Mecca, Dadeville, AL, and another, unidentified man, the sacred became profane in a big way. After bickering with one another over who knew the words of the Good Book better, the unnamed man stomped away, bested by Taylor, the brother of a minister. Upon arriving home, Christian X checked his Bible, realized he’d made a boo-boo and that pissed him off...in a Godly sort of way, of course. In order to save his own face, he returned and proceeded to unload his gun in Taylor’s face. Police are searching for the attacker. Amen, bang-bang, shoot-shoot.

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This is reprinted from Exotic Magazine © 1996 X Publishing