In looking at the incredible power sleaze has over women, I should point out one distinction that will possibly close off my chances forever of having sex with one important part of the female population: the higher your status in your chosen field and the higher societys expectations of you as a together liberal `90s woman" the more likely you are to succumb to sleaze.
A comedian friend of mine who worked years ago with Andrew Dice Clay for a week saw this in action every night. After the show, some dynamic, striking woman with a Donna Karan or Jil Sanders power outfit would stride up to Clay and get in his face. The tirade usually went as follows: I just want you to know that your kind of Neanderthal thinking doesnt work for some people. Youre a shining example of everything thats wrong with our society. You arent the clever stud you think you are, mister. Youre a bigoted, misogynistic primate of some subhuman species! Take me back to your condo and fuck me silly, you animal! Bend me over and make me bark like a dog!
Ive witnessed the same scene myself with comedians other than Clay often enough to believe this guy. Think about it: how many times in politics alone has a woman been brought down by her husbands sleaze? Does anyone remember Geraldine Ferraro? Bess Myerson? Princess Di?
Since Im not qualified to diagnose such women, I will just say that if anyone who read last months column is tempted to try adopting the sleaze approach, stay away from working-class taverns and nightclubs. The women in these places get enough shit in their work environment already and dont need your particular flavor of horse pucky.
So now 1 can hear you asking, Dan, how can 1 use this sleaze thing to score? Well, heres a simple plan.
First, you need the help of a buddy. The two of you get together before going to a bar or party where youll run into many women who dont know either of you. Your friend walks up to a woman neither of you know and gives her the following speech:
Look, I dont know you, but you seem like a nice, intelligent woman. Im not trying to hit on you, I just want to warn you about that guy over there. See the one, sitting at the bar, talking to the bartender? Hes an animal. Hes burned a few women I know, and hes poison. Uses women up like Kleenex. No ones been able to hang onto him for more than a month, and when they get dumped, its not pretty. Just thought youd like to know."
Before he leaves, the woman will be asking your friend, Which guy? The blonde? Whats his name? Is he here with someone?
Kind of unsettling, isnt it? Like nuclear energy, its a power that shouldnt be used, but we should be aware of how it works. Once you succeed at this method, the woman will eventually find out that youre just a regular guy, subject to the same emotions as her. There will, understandably be a feeling of being used on her part, which is what she was hoping for in the first place, right? Therefore, ignore everything Ive said here unless you just dont have enough highly dysfunctional women in your life. Or maybe I dont know what Im talking about. Maybe Ive recently moved, changed my phone number and wont go into certain bars without sending a scout in first just for the hell of it. Yeah, thats the ticket.
Next month, we go further into this sordid phenomenon to cover sleaze-proofing, and how guys can use sleazeballs to our advantage.