The Top Five Sexiest Halloween Costumes

5. A Gas Pump
"Wow, you can pump my Ethyl anytime,” girls’ll purr into your spout. And, of course, the obligatory wipe. Ask if you can check them with your handy dipstick. Be creative. Get lucky!

4. Oscar Meyer Weiner
Okay guys, you have to understand you’re going for the mercy part of that special young lady’s heart, so get out your long face and practice in front of a mirror. Complain about how damn hot it is in this suit – so hot in fact, that you can hardly wear anything under it at all. At all! Tell her how much you would give for a cool, refreshing moment in her shower. Ask her to help you peel that darn bun off. Now yer’ cookin’!

3. Mother Theresa
It’s the purity, ladies. Guys dig defiling purity and innocence and there is nothing more innocent and pure than a woman who has pledged her life to Christ and now you can have the pleasure of cashing in on that. Hail Mary!

2. Douglas Wright
It happened to Gary Gilmore and it happened to Jeffrey Dahmer. Women send murderers love letters and raunchy photos. What is it? The machismo? The orange pantsuit? Don’t let a great opportunity go to waste! Watch out for police, though. They’re not always in the funsie mood.

1. An Alien from Independence Day
Not only is it easy and fun, but just think of the possibilities for romance. You’ll have both hoses and tubes, a delicious mix that’s sure to please both boys and girls at that special costume ball. Be sure to let your hosts know how grateful you are that they’ve supplied such an abundance of partners.

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