Okay, so, like my friend's lawyer has a client who's suing the hospital for taking his brain out when he was in surgery. I guess that doctors all over the world are doing it so that they can put aliens into our bodies for a while. It seems that there are some aliens that see us more like amusement park rides than as people with thoughts and feelings.

So, anyway, here's what these doctors do: they put you under, saying that you need surgery, and then they take out your brain and hook it up to this VCR-type-of-deal that just plays your recovery period. You know, like a bunch of nurses coming in and giving you drugs for pain, and then they just make the pictures and sounds blurry, like that's what the drugs would really be like. Anyway, the tapes slowly get dust and shit on 'em, so that's the way you can tell if your brain is just getting pumped all this bad hospital food and shit. That's actually why they make hospital food so it has no taste, because it's really hard to record taste onto the tapes.

Anyway, after a while longer the alien ride-thing is done and so they put your brain back into your body and let you go back to your fucked-up job at the convenience store. But there is a way to tell that they have hooked you up to these brain-tape deals. You just look straight forward for a long time and eventually you can see little rainbow mistakes in the bottom of your view; that's because of the dust that gets on the tapes from it having to play the same part over and over again. Maybe that's what people who are catatonic are doing; just trying to make extra sure that their brains are actually hooked back up into their heads. Anyway, don't ever let the doctors put you under, because you never know if they're going to let one of those alien dudes go put a bunch of extra miles on your body.

Did you ever just finish having sex and look down at the end of the bed to see that your cat had been watching you the entire time and wonder why your cat was just sitting there staring at you? Well, that's because cats aren't native to this planet. The aliens that like to drive our bodies around use the little cat-camcorder things that they have covered the planet with to see which bodies would be more fun to go cruising around in. They have a channel for each cat and the little alien dudes sit around watching all the shit that goes on and try to decide whose body they want to take out cruising. They just figure that people dumb enough to have dogs are too stupid to have brains, so they can't take them out 'cause they're not there.

So, one way to make sure that you never get your brain taken out in the first place is to have dogs and not cats.

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