OK, so I was talking to this drunk guy in a bar who seemed really nervous about the current state of affairs in this country. He was complaining that it seemed more like Pre-WWII Czechoslo-vakia than America in the 90's. I pretty much wrote the entire evening off as a loss the next day while I tried to shake my hangover.

But then I started remembering things (the way most drunken nights come back to memory in little waves). This was different, though. I started remembering because I was actually seeing this guy’s paranoia manifest itself right in front of my face. My realizations were triggered by going to the bank. It was actually the credit union, but what’s the difference?

Anyway, I walked into the building and asked the security guy which way to the credit union and he pointed and said “Down that hall, take a left.” I got to the end of the hall and had to show photo ID and pass through a metal detector. Then I had to sign in and, finally, went to the window...it was then that I realized that I had forgotten my check.

On the way back to my car I noticed that the parking lot was blocked off by those cement highway divider things and that’s why my car was getting towed.

While I was walking home I was thinking about all the shit the government is doing in order to protect our society. Basically, they're taking away all of our rights and choices in the name of protecting us. I mean, I thought it was getting bad when they blew up that building in Oklahoma just to make everyone hate people involved in the militia, but this was starting to affect my day now. I mean, where do they get off? Come on, they passed a law banning a bunch of assault rifles and then named it after a guy who was shot with a weapon that isn’t even covered by the new law!

The next thing you know they'll try to ban the Daisy Red Rider because you might put out an eye. We all know how tough it can be going through life missing a singular personal pronoun. It’s not like I was reaching a new level of enlightenment with this realization, but it really started to bother me. Then I started looking around a bit more. That’s how I figured out that I was in some parallel universe or something like that. Since I had a lot of time on my hands and several miles to go, I started listing the differences that I noticed in my surroundings.

First, there's the government thing. In the universe that I’m from, the government is just this large waste of time, energy and money that only gets in your way if you do something really fun. In this universe, it actually hinders your everyday reality.

Then there’s the toothbrush thing. In my universe, my toothbrush is red. I was doing my daily cleansing of my teeth when I noticed that my toothbrush is white. It is worn in the exact same places, so I know that it hasn’t been switched with a new one. And I am well aware of the fact that no two people wear their toothbrushes out in the same manner..

I just wonder how I can get back to the universe that I’m supposed to be in, and if the other me (that lives in this reality) is busy fucking up my life in the other universe. I just hope he hasn't managed to get my car towed. That would really be the limit. And I'd like my red toothbrush back, too.

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