Isn't it spring yet!? (sigh) We're so close and yet so far. Fortunately the clubs are still nice and warm (and if you sit at the rack they can get damn hot) and girls seem to generate enough heat for all of us.

No matter what the weather outside is like, Club 122's offering a feature performer who can dance up a storm, Crystal Storm, to be exact. If you're like me (a fan of modern wonders) you'll want to get a look at Ms. Storm's award winning measurements. At an eye-popping 121 XXX, this Spencer's Gifts calendar girl has been the world record holder for the largest chest three years in a row. She'll be strutting her stuff for two nights (February 5th and 6th), with four shows nightly.

Those of you in Oregon's glorious state capitol need not worry, the Main Event will be broadening your horizons (eyes? mouths?) with two nights of Crystal Storm, February 7th and 8th.

Penthouse fans will want to check out covergirl and centerfold, Lydia Schone when she appears at Club 122 February 20th, 21st and 22nd.

If you missed her in Portland, you'll get four chances each night (February 17th, 18th and 19th) to see Lydia's show at the Main Event and see why she's been nominated for 1997 Pet of the Year.

Eugene has its own Penthouse celebrity this month. Julia Hayes has appeared in more than 100 adult magazines worldwide and Penthouse 15 times. The Silver Dollar has her for four days so don't miss your chances on February 17th, 18th, 19th, and 20th to see why she's so popular.

In case you were thinking, "You know what Portland needs? A gentleman's club!" your wish has been granted. Stay tuned for details on Exotica, which promises to be a new kind of gentleman's club.

Everybody's favorite foxy dancer, Miss Mona will be hostessing another dynamite cabaret at Magic Garden this month. She and her bevy of bewitching babes will bring you under their spell on February 9th with two shows; one beginning at 8 pm and another at 11:30 pm.The doors open at 6 pm for Miss Mona's Vixens of Voo Doo Cabaret. I know I'll be a love zombie that night!

If your boundless lust for cabaret isn't satisfied, fear not. Union Jacks has a taste of the good ole days for us with a Vintage Sweetheart's Burlesque Cabaret show starting at 7 pm and running until the wee hour of 2:30 am on February 15th. So, if Valentine's Day left you cold, bask in the warm glow of a different feature performer each half hour portraying burlesque performers from the 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's.

If you've been wondering where Miss Reno and Miss Kristina can be found, high-tail it down to Dooley's in St. Johns between 4 pm and 9 pm on Wednesdays and Fridays. Seek and ye shall find.

For those of you who like to watch from the comfort and relative safety of your own home, you have one more chance to stop on the way home for a skin-flick with feet. Taboo Video on SE 82nd, off of Division, is now open and filled with adult videos and toys. Check out their 100 channel arcade while you sell (or buy) some used magazines.

Meanwhile, in other video store news, DK Wilds has added more viewing rooms and channels. It's heartwarming to see people returning to the cinema.

If you prefer your entertainment discretely and in person, Leather and Lace has a lingerie hostess (I just made that up) waiting to meet you. $49 gets you a half-hour with a Valentine cutie in her birthday suit.

Exquisite Fantasies also has a sweetheart of a deal for those of you who like double the x-chromosomes. Enjoy 30 minutes in the company of two lovely ladies for $90.

RC's knows that your partner likes a little extra lovin' after reminding you that Valentine's Day was yesterday (?!) and so they've thoughtfully provided you 10% off all novelty help with your holiday festivities.

For those of you who like a little white wine and cheese with your erotica (it's not porn, dammit!) you won't want to miss First Thursday (that's the 6th) at Reading Frenzy (921 SW Oak). Speak up at the silent auction, where you'll be bidding for handmade Valentine's by such international celebrities as Sean Tejaratchi, Bwana Spoons, Al Larsen, Stella Marrs, Kathering and Karl Anala, Scott Gregory and a whole bunch of other people I've never met. Maybe that's why you won't be bidding for my Valentine at the First Annual (how can it be annual if it's the first time?) Reading Frenzy International Valentine Invitational. Half all proceeds will go to the San Francisco Sex Information Switchboard. This is an excellent cause, I encourage you to support it.

My favorite local art gallery, Galleri8, will be presenting it's Seventh Annual Erotic Show from February 5th to the 28th. Climb the mountain of stairs to 314 SW 9th, Suite 8 (duh). It's worth the exercise.

And last, but not least (and returning in triumph for another year), Fetish Night has switched locations to Berbati's Pan. Join the rest of us lovable pervs at 231 SW Ankeny on February 15th. Maybe your sweet Valentine needs his/her ass whipped? The time has come.

Looking for fetish in Seattle? SKIN (Seattle Kink Information Network) is the place to start. They offer lectures, workshops and seminars on B&D/S&Min a non-judgmental environment. Crossroads Learning Center on Capitol Hill hosts monthly meetings at 7 pm, on the first and third Sunday. Call (206) 368-0384 for their info line. You can learn about SKIN and other local groups by surfing to

Beyond the Edge Cafe will display the erotic art of Kevin Lineback and Him Hamilton the entire month of February. The artists, whose work has been both controversial and censored (so it must be good) explore issues including leather, sexuality, identity, and the male nude.

Also, for all you Exotic fans up in Seattle-Tacoma, you’ll be in for a special treat starting next month. Take care and we’ll all know more soon.

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