A bit of information that may be helpful:

  • All judges were once lawyers.

  • All lawyers are inhuman.

  • At the rate people in America are passing bar exams, by the year 2016 everyone in America will be a lawyer.

  • Anyone has a constitutional right to represent themselves in court.

  • The Constitution is not admissible in a court of law as evidence.

  • Lawyers and judges play golf together on Sunday.

  • Your lawyer is probably friends with the other guy's lawyer.

    Ok, so, like, this conspiracy is fully obvious. It’s the whole deal with lawyers and judges and how they keep control over our entire society by not allowing us into their little club. Here’s the way the whole thing gets started:

    They go to college and get some random degree and then try to get jobs. After they work for a little while, they realize that if they had a better degree they would be able to make more money. They then realize that the most money would come from being a lawyer because everyone will eventually need a lawyer. So, they go to law school and at some point, while they are back at school, an alien life form takes over their body, making them no longer human. Then, in order to be able to practice law in any state, they have to take a test with numerous questions about the planet they’re from and how they can better serve the entire alien community by causing havoc in the society that they are practicing law in.

    See, it's all this big plan to inhabit our bodies with aliens! But they have to do it slowly so that we think that it is a normal transition. Eventually, passing the bar exam will be so commonplace that it will become a prerequisite for getting into high-school. This means that every human's brain will be taken over by the alien life force of Legalese (known on this planet only as the language of lawyers). Even those of us who are strong enough to resist the temptations of making $300 per hour will be forced to guard the things that we say with care in order to avoid being sued by our spouses, children, parents, or whatever lawyer we are talking to at any given time. If we decide to speak up and try to be heard, our voices will be completely drowned out by the low, murmuring Latin-sounding legal mumbo-jumbo that is designed to scare off people who have yet to give in and take the bar exam. Remember, this is all a big plan to try to steal your brain or at least tie it up with more Latin phrases than the pope knows.

    It seems that the best way to deal with the entire legal system overload is to run the laws back to where we supposedly get our legal system; the Greeks. In ancient Greece, if you represented someone in court (back in the days when a trial could last one day at the most) you suffered the same penalty as your client if they were convicted.

    I think there would definitely be a change for the good in the legal system if we had a death row full of lawyers.

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