Greenwood/Cooper Homevideo

This is a kind of weird cross between a Discovery Channel nature-mentary and The Artist Formerly Known as Prince’s masturbatory fantasies. Rolling expanses of desert, tortured, eons-old twisted layers of rock caught at sunset, scrub brush reaching upward to a sky of retina-raping blue, free-range herds of nearly nude buff men.

Hmmmm. That sounds odd to you too, doesn’t it? It sounded a little strange to me, but interesting too (I like the outdoors), so Darklady thought I should give it a try.

The video’s pretty good for a number of reasons. The video’s also kind of awful in spots, for those very same reasons. See, the thing is that this vid’s a little schizophrenic – there’s some terrific nature photography and some terrific body photography, but while these lightly oiled Fabio-oids romp through the landscape, it’s as if they're not a part of it. No hair is mussed. No one breaks a sweat. These guys are prancing around nude and yet no one appears to have a care in the world for scorpions or sunburn or, unusual in a desert environment, hot sand or thorns awakening nerve endings in a sensitive area. This, dear reader, is simply wrong. The landscape is awe-inspiring, and so are the men, but for all intents and purposes these guys could have been PhotoShopped in.

There is an exception to this – there are one or two bits with bathing at a spring that are pretty good. Perhaps it’s because by interacting with the water our pretty-boy model managed to actually interject himself into the environment; I’m not sure. Nevertheless, it’s worth it to try and figure it out on your own – the issues I had with this vid are slippery, and on this opinion piece I’m expecting many to disagree with me. If you’d like to let me know how you disagree, send e-mail to xmag@teleport.com.

Vivid's Bloopers & Boners
Vivid Video
Starring: Janine , Jenteal, Chasey , Nikki Tyler, Christy Canyon, Jill Kelly, Steven St. Croix...

This video was a lot of fun. It’s got tons of great sex (far more than what was strictly required for context purposes, if you get my meaning), but above all, it is purposely funny. It’s narrated by Nikki Tyler, who is a surprisingly competent hostess – it’s nice to see someone have the skill to read off of a cue card convincingly.

I guess I love adult blooper reels the way I do because they are so unrelentlessly humanizing – it’s wonderful to see that even those we regard as sexual icons experience the same falling-off-the-bed, slipping-in-the-shower, I’ve-got-the-giggles-on-camera embarrassment, flavored here and there with (of course) the occasional rude body noise. Peppered heavily throughout this entire feast of foibles concerned with felicitous frolicking is Steven St. Croix, whose penchant for screwing around on camera is as entertaining to the viewer as it is (apparently) irritating to his co-workers. And the winner is the American porn-viewing public!

More than anything else, this is an opportunity for Vivid to package and sell some otherwise unusable footage to willing consumers. And that’s more than okay, because most of it is pretty good. Give it a look.

You'll find both of these flicks at Fantasy Adult Video.

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