If I recall correctly, September is back-to-school month... when the adults are freed from the tyranny of babysitting for a brief period of time. And maybe you, cool adult that you are, need a few refresher courses, yourself? Maybe, for instance, a little re-education along the human biology lines? Where better to become reacquainted with the human female body than in one of our many showcases of adult entertainment?

Now, some may conclude that this interest in the human body is purely prurient... but I disagree. For instance, anyone visiting me at Scarlett Ribbons dungeon will be happy to note that I know where your butt ends and your tailbone begins. Important distinction. I have a direct pager number for your convenience now, too. Those of you in need of the Board of Education will be happy to find that (503) 870-0220 cuts out the middle-man, so we can get down to business and teach you a lesson or three.

Your first bit of instruction could come during First Thursday (September 4th), when the After 8 Photo Collective will be taking part in the ACLU's Uncensored Celebration with a display entitled "Art At Risk," featuring work from collective members and others. The collective is taking up where Galleri 8 left off and promises the same "passion for photography and commitment to creating public spaces for controversial art." This month's exhibit can be found next door to the old space: 314 SW 9th St., Suite 7 (upstairs from Umbra Penumbra coffee house).

Make sure and participate in at least one Uncensored Celebration event during the next month or so. We want to send out the message that Oklahoma City's censorship police won't get a chance here. I'll be doing my part with an erotic reading on September 12th at In Other Words feminist bookstore, located at 3734 SE Hawthorne (two doors east of the Bagdad Theater). The fun begins at 7pm.

Deacon X is another year older but I'm not sure how much wiser he is. I guess I'll just have to find out on September 21st when he hosts his first solo Fetish Night at Berbati's Pan. This birthday shin-dig will feature a dance and play party with some stage performances, as well. Happy birthday, Deke!

If you're wondering what you'll wear to Fetish Night, you might cruise by Spartacus and check out their summer clearance sale this month. I'm sure you'll find something that will spark your interest and inspire you to new levels of depravity,

You can probably find at least a dozen sources of inspiration at Fantasy Adult Video, too. And during their blowout sale (it's just a euphemism, folks) there's not much reason not to bring those inspirations home with you. Video sale prices start at $9.95 and remember, your membership cards are good at all of the Fantasy locations.

Speaking of fantasies, if you've been thinking that the local club scene, as exciting as it is, has been just a wee bit paler than it could be, then get your hopes up! Club Coco II is back and is still on fire. A tentative opening date is Sept. 5th and anyone 18 or over is welcome to enjoy the multi-ethnic juice bar entertainment. A liquor license application has been filed. You'll find the club at 633 SE Powell. The ladies will be dancing on two stages to mostly R&B music with a live DJ and you can enjoy the fruits of a full kitchen featuring southern fried chicken and waffles. Yum! I'm there, duders.

Another new addition to the local entertainment landscape will be Surrender Your Heart, a traveling contemporary burlesque show, inspired by the success of Miss Mona's Cabarets. Parisian Blue Productions promises a high energy show with traditional class and style, playful sexuality, comedy and fantasy numbers. This should be fun.

Union Jack's is doing it again. Their last live band night was so popular that they've invited Miss U's to provide the audio (while their bevy of beautiful babes provides the visuals) for your entertainment on September 20th from 10pm until 2am. A mere four bucks gets you in the door and you can't find a decent concert venue that offers you more for less. I sure know you won't find table dance specials after any other concerts.

If you're wondering what brought that long-awaited Portland rain, it was probably those hard-workin' gals at the Palace of Pleasure doing their carwash rain dance. They're going to do it again this month on the 13th from 11am - 6pm, so if the wife's been complaining that the car needs a cleaning, it might be time to head over to Discount Auto Center (4721 SE 82nd) and let those all-natural beauties put a song in your heart and a sparkle on your hot rod.

Wondering who won the treasure chest during Cathie's free breast augmentation surgery contest last month? Congrats and best wishes go to Sara, who won the booby prize, and Milan, who placed second, winning $500 cash and a $250 gift certificate.

If you haven't been to Salem's new gentleman's club, Scores, then you really owe it to yourself to take the time this month. The main stage room is spacious with a great view from every seat, and their VIP Lounge features big-screen sporting events, a second, more intimate stage, and a beautiful marble shower show stage. September 8th - 13th provides you with the lovely Penthouse Pet, Andrea Kurtz as the perfect excuse for an evening out. But don't limit yourself to just the feature nights, the house dancers are hot, hot, hot. Speaking of which, last month's Jasmin St. Claire show definitely waxed hot... especially for a certain fellow behind the bar, whose name shall remain known only to he and me.

If you're looking to cool down after a day of heat, you can reserve Roosters' rooftop beer garden for your private party. Sounds like the perfect vantage point for you soon-to-be-ex bachelors out there.

Summer's almost gone but Jody's and Club Cabos are gonna celebrate it all month long with specials that you'll just have to drop in and see to believe. Since we can't be everywhere at all times, make sure and say "howdee" to Forrest for us when you're visiting Cabos, okay?

Eugene's Silver Dollar Club gives you four daily opportunities from the 9th through the 11th for you to increase your knowledge of the female anatomy with study subject, Roxy LeRoux, who has generously posed for many centerfolds and covers in order to expand your... er... mind. Yeah, that's it.

And in case you don't pass your finals, you've got another chance to figure out where the hipbone connects when Penthouse Pet and Miss Nude World, Alex Taylor pays a visit to the Silver Dollar from September 23rd through the 25th. You'll want to sit close (and tip big, of course) to make sure you see all the subtle nuances that evolution has developed for your viewing pleasure.

You low riders have probably been wondering what happened to that sweet little Harley Davidson at Stars. Well, Glen Crown has 44,999 people wishing they were him right now. His name was drawn during Stars First Birthday Bash and I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what club is his favorite now. Next year Stars will present a Jeep Wrangler as its birthday prize. I love birthdays, don't you?

If you're one of the many who didn't get the hog, Stars still has something to keep your motor runnin', porn mega-star, Jill Kelly, will be appearing from September 10th through the 13th. That's four shows daily and five on Friday, kids. Don't miss it. You can call (503) 222-STAR for more information.

You were probably pretty glad to have somewhere warm and dry to flee to during the recent summer rains. Well, not everyone gets that lucky and that's why Stars will host its First Golf Tournament to Shelter the Homeless on October 14th at Lagdon Farms Golf Club. Stop by Stars to register. Don't dally because there will only be 20 four-person teams. For added incentive, keep in mind that Stars' entertainers will be auctioned off to serve as caddies... so everyone will be a winner. All proceeds will go to the local homeless shelter, so be part of the solution and play ball!

Well, I'm outta here. I've got some basic anatomy courses of my own to pursue, after all. Meet'cha here again next month!

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