When it comes to boots, I’m beginning to think that men and women aren’t on the same page.

I have a recent sample case.

Her name is Ana Thompson, and she was profiled in the Style section of the paper a couple of months ago as a paragon of fashion. She runs a flower stand on a busy downtown corner.

In the interview, Thompson said some things that grabbed my attention.

The interviewer asked her what she wanted to be buried in, and she replied, “a pair of White’s dress boots.”

Thompson also said that she is still looking for “the perfect pair of leather pants.”

What does she wear on the job? The answer? “Anything, but always boots.”

What article of clothing defines her? “Boots.”

I have to say that I love that short, sweet, definitive one word answer.

That’s usually all I need to know for the lava of leather lust to flow. But there’s a problem. Man, there’s always a problem of some kind. The style of boots she likes seem not to be the kind that I like.

Judging from the photograph that accompanies the interview, the form of “boots” that Thompson favors is hiking boots.

Well, I hate to say it, but for me, those don’t really qualify as boots in my pantheon of footwear. Yes, technically that’s what they are called. Cowboy boots are called boots, too, but I don’t really like them, either (unless they are really high and the girl is wearing extremely short cut-offs and her legs glisten brightly from a fine sheen of sweat... ).

No, what I like are women’s fashion boots. Designed by Vivienne Westwood or some other kinky thinker? Yes. Thigh high fetish boots? Definitely. Riding boots, of course. But heel-less, practical hiking boots? I admit that sometimes they can be cute, if the legs are deeply tanned, and there are some white socks poking out of the tops. But they are not sexy. They don’t demand groveling servile tongue-service from a dedicated boot slave such as myself.

But I suspect that these are the kinds of boots that she was talking about in her interview. It’s enough to make me question if men and women are talking about the same thing when they talk about boots. I want to see women wearing red stiletto-heeled knee high fashion boots by Versace, while they want to don yet another pair of mud-encrusted work boots so they can tromp about on slippery rocks and mossy pathways instead of my naked chest. I see irreconcilable differences in my future.

Please, Ana, say it ain’t so!

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