by Darklady: darklady@spiritone.com

SOME SETTLING MAY OCCUR
Add this to your "What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up" list: Ladies' clothing weigher. Yup. Helena Montana has a law on the books (some very old books, we assume) which prohibits any woman from dancing on a table in a drinking establishment... unless she's wearing three pounds, two ounces worth of clothing (or more). Who gets to determine (or how, for that matter) whether the lady in question is... er... stacked enough is not specified.

PORN STAR HANDLES NEW KIND OF BALLS
Sports and sex make perfect bed fellows, according to Jessica Rizzo, Italian porn actress. Rizzo is sponsoring the Lazio Rugby Club and Montacatini Football Club, a women’s soccer team. Both groups wore her name emblazoned across their team shirts this season. Rizzo, one of Italy’s favorite porn actresses, owns a satellite television channel which requires a decoder card to view the hard-core films it broadcasts. In exchange for Rizzo's endorsements, Lazio and Montecatini advertise the decoder cards needed. "This type of card is dedicated to free time, which is synonymous with sport and therefore with energy and physical exercise,’’ Rizzo explains. "That’s why I think sex and sport go well together." There you have it, kids. Play ball!

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET SERVICE SECRET
Maybe the time he spent guarding the home of Ronald Reagan inspired him to not remember that having sex with a 16-year-old girl and giving her methamphetamines was illegal, but with a seven year prison sentence ahead of him, Timothy O'Brien, a now former Secret Service agent, will have plenty of time to remember.
Judge William Pounders denied stoney Romeo probation because of the nature and seriousness of the crime after a jury found O'Brien guilty of three counts of sex with a minor, one count of methamphetamine possession and resisting arrest. He was acquitted of battery on a police officer and the jury deadlocked on three other counts: furnishing methamphetamine to a minor, sodomy with a minor and brandishing a loaded firearm. The 38-year-old O’Brien was taken into custody after his conviction because he was considered a flight risk. O’Brien argued that his affair with the 16-year-old neighbor was mutual and that he was the victim of the girl's father after the two adult men had a falling out. Judge Pounders didn't buy it, saying that O'Brien's actions defiled the image of the Secret Service.

MULTIPLE HEADACHE HOUSEHOLDS NOW!
Looks like the ladies in the National Association of Women are starting to relax about sex. They recently decided that mutually consensual S&M activities were cool and now the Utah chapter of NOW has decided that multi-wife polygamy can be a viable alternative for feminists. Attorney, Elizabeth Joseph of the Utah chapter lives in just such an arrangement (six co-wives and 20 kids) and likes it just fine. Utah chapter secretary, Ellen George said, "We fight for lesbian families and single-parent families. I don't know why we wouldn't support this." Right on. But how about multi-husband households, too? Too much competition for the remote control ?