by Doc Wainwright
Aged To Perfection
PC & Mac
This disc has simplicity, functionality, and originality. No plot, no help, no hurdles; just 600MB of video of over-40 ladies fucking, sucking, and bucking like they're attending a post-senior-prom party after an alcohol-rich evening. Some of these women are attractive, some are not -- but they're quite happily enthusiastic. They must also be good at what they do, because their enthusiasm is matched or beaten by their young, lithe, male companions.
I really liked this disc. The video quality is superb, the video window is the biggest I've seen without going full-screen, the players are enthusiastic as hell, and I really dug seeing the "lady next door" going at it.
Of course, there are one or two flies in the ointment. The first one is that the disc's publisher appears a couple of times, making small speeches into the camera. Not only is he approximately as interesting as Bob Dole on Xanax giving a speech on the refurbishing of the infrastructure of governmental spending but he spends far too much time saying far too little in a far too less-than-clever manner with a fashion sense that would leave Ravishing Rick Rude gagging with disgust. The second (and far more minor) flaw is that, because the video is so good-sized and wasn't compressed that much, sometimes the picture is a little bit laggy while it's playing back. (A secondary drawback to this is that big video + low compression = lots of space on the disc = less video time for your $$$.)
This is one weird-ass CD-ROM. The basic plot is that you're wandering around a gigantic castle haunted by two buxom babe-O-trons who died in the early 1300's, and whose main purpose is to be brought back to life and get laid (of course), as well as assorted nasties whose main purpose is to slice you into chutney starting with your feet and working upward. In short, this game is a catalyst for testosterone's favorite preoccupations -- sex and violence.
The graphics and video are absolutely stunning. The entire game runs full-screen -- including the movies -- with no detectable lag. The virtual world is truly 360 degrees of space -- you navigate the twisty corridors, turn, look, and do all that other stuff in real time, in real space. The puzzles are challenging, and the baddies are genuinely evil. There are lots of places to explore, and they are all interesting to look at... even the girls are pretty and have nice smiles.
Now we get into less favorable territory. Before you can do anything, the game prompts you for a password. The password is printed on the original disc's insert sleeve -- which is not available to the casual disc renter. Make sure your clerk gives you the password if you rent this disc. Navigation and interaction with the virtual world is a little complex. Reading the directions, fiddling with the game, reading them again, fiddling with the game, reading them again, and then starting a real game is the path I took to making any headway at all. You've been warned.
(Both of these discs are available from your friendly neighborhood Taboo Video shop.)