THE BIRD IS THE WORD
Al Goldstein, the editor of Screw magazine, has a new lawn ornament at his home in Pompano Beach, Florida. His neighbors got an eyeful when they stepped out in the morning on the way to work and were greeted by an eleven-foot tall foam rubber hand flipping them the bird.
Goldstein bought the statue of The Finger from the art department on the set of ABC's sitcom Spin City. The sculpture, which was used on the show's season finale, was placed in the front yard, inspiring a horde of TV newscasters to descend on Al's domain. Not that he minded. Al has never seen a camera he didn't like. He told the news crew it would soon be moved to the back yard where it would face the Intercoastal Waterway and serve as a "speed bump" to keep passing boats from making wakes against the porn editor's sacred sea wall.
Al did not seek out the work of art. Props no longer in use are sometimes sold off. Somebody on the Spin City set said Al was the first person they thought of when it came time to getting rid of The Finger.
AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN DROPS HIS PANTS
Elsewhere in Florida, the finger took another turn. At the Pensacola Naval Air Station an officer was charged with indecent exposure and conduct unbecoming of an officer. The Lieutenant mooned a buddy while jogging.
MOON A PLATE
Also in the Sunshine State legislators have approved a bill for special license plates for the fetus throwers. The plates, sporting the words "Choose Life" along with a drawing of smiling children, are the first of Florida's special plates that carry a political message. One wonders if Florida will run into the same problem encountered in Virginia. There, officials recalled a specialty license plate issued to a man who a couple of years earlier had been convicted of painting slurs on a black church. His plate read ZYKLON B--the gas used in Nazi concentration camps. Speaking of Nazis, a company in Italy has Feuhrer wine for sale. The wine, featuring Adolf on the label, comes in two types: Zeig Heil and Ein Volk.
FBI STRIKES OUT
Recently released FBI files show that baseball hero Mickey Mantle was being blackmailed after he was found with a married woman. The FBI report, which ran from 1956 to 1963, also revealed Mantle frequented hookers and was involved with "known gamblers." After the story hit the news, an FBI spokesman said "By no stretch of the imagination was Mickey Mantle ever the subject of an FBI investigation." Hmmm, so why did they keep a file on him for seven years?
VACUUM CLEANERS CAN BE A HAZARD TO YOUR HEALTH
A meatball in New Jersey humping a vacuum cleaner to get off lost a half-inch off the top of his dick. A little too close to the vacuum's suction fan. Let that be a warning to the lonley out there who gaze longingly at their vacuum cleaners.
MORE THAN PROVIDENCE
Great news for the postage stamp state. It is now legal to butt fuck and blow in Rhode Island. The state senate repealed the law banning "abominable and detestable crimes against nature." But would that mean its okay to get sucked off by a vacuum cleaner?
Is it just the Neurotica compiler's imagination, or has Heather Has Two Mommies had more publicity than any book since the bible? Once again, this time in Wichita Falls, Texas, a good ol' boy Baptist minister checked out copies of the book from the library, wrote a check for $54 and said he wouldn't return them. Sure enough, publicity and the usual backlash. The library bought replacement copies and 15 additional copies were donated by concerned citizens.