Vomitorium; Mystic Productions; Dir., Phoenix 13; Stars: Reagan
Starr, Randi Storm, Johnny Toxic; Original music: Johnny Toxic
introduces the concept of this video: naked chicks throw-up on camera.
At last, porno has broken through the vomit barrier. There's even
a theme song to herald this milestone: "Vomit is fun, vomit is nice,
my mama loves vomit more than sugar and spice."
we're prepared for the ultimate sacrilege: the bleached blonde bimbo,
Cream, sucks mother's milk straight from the teat and spits it up.
Well, I suppose babies often do that; but not 22-year-old crank
head babes. So far, no real streaming vomit to write home about.
Upchuck (Johnny Toxic), sensing this shortcoming, too, cries out
in faux anguish. "Bring me a vomit girl! I need a vomit girl!" Finally,
Cream hurls a festive but trite amount of undigested beer and grapes
on the blue plastic drop cloth. Upchuck and the cameraman try to
out puke her . . . and do. A bulimic could only laugh at such pathetic
up, the former prom queen of '93, Shelle, unloads her two cents
worth. Real bulimics, who are highly intelligent, creative, sensitive
control freaks, would be insulted by these skanky amateurs. But
you heard it here first: Johnny Toxic says we're all gonna die in
the year 2000. Which must be why he made this video. Then he gets
his dick sucked by Reagan Starr at the Vomitorium intermission.
Later, the bald pussied, semi-literate Reagan throws-up almost as
good as she sucks dick. Maybe Toxic's come is better comin' back
up. After a hurl, she waves to the camera, "Hi mom!" Then, "God,
if anyone ever sees this . . ." I don't think she'll ever have to
worry about that. Reagan calls Johnny "a sick motherfucker." Then
gives her real name and social security number on camera as the
afterhurl drips off her chin, down her breasts and dribbles off
her shaved pussy. Have we reached the living end of this modern
theatre of the absurd?
film veteran Randi Storm shows up at the Toxic hotel suite and gives
inspirational head. Randi sucks dick like her life depends on it
. . . and it does, here at the end of the world, we all need our
dicks sucked by a vomit queen. The Captain (Crunch) says: It's too
career didn't take him out of porn before he fell to this. In closing,
Toxic pleads with vomiters and their partners everywhere to step
forward and help him make a Vomitorium 2. At least Toxic
readily admits that he needs help. That's the first step. Maybe
a real vomit queen will give poor Johnny a call and set the idiot
straight. Rex dares anyone else to watch this video. The horror,
Sluts; All Good Video; Dir., Henri Pachard; Stars: Alana, Anastasia,
blows Sean Michaels sitting upon his throne in a toilet stall; she
kneels on the daily paper . . . trained slut. Then she turns around
and offers up her ass while sticking her face out from under the
stall. It's just like the unisex bathroom in Ally McBeal
only completely fuckin' different. Michaels' meat attacks her sphincter
while still sitting on his throne--talk about a shit backwards as
she gets toilet fucked by his chocolate monster. Anastasia goes
to see Dr. Mark Davis; gives him deep, gagging throat while lying
on her back on the exam table. Needless to say, all submissive sluts
take it in the ass. Blackballsuck scene three. Michaels dick dressed
in latex looks like a shiny store bought strap-on. Fair beginning
to a new series for Michaels fans.
Trash Whore 14; JM Productions; Dir., Jim Powers; Stars: Aspen Brook,
Sonja Redd, Suave, Dave Hardman
on a dirt road out in the middle of the Mojave where the short shorts
and high heelslut, Aspen, is hitchin' a ride in the heat. Hardman
picks her up in his beater. She's abducted to his rancho relaxo
where she gives deep throat to Dave's sidekick, Buck, amidst a discarded
toilet, dirtbike, refrigerator et. al. The unBeverly Hillbillys
debase this Hollywood trash with frontal and rear assaults. Rundown
red head trailer sex scene two as she sucks black dick, one big
and one huge, in exchange for the shit that will get her through
another dancer shift. Aspen gets gangbanged by five brothers out
in the boneyard. They pour their beers on her face to cool her off
while she fellates them on her knees in the dirt(y). Total party
pig garbage slutfest. Debasement must sell. White Trash Whore
is already a teenager at 14.
these are sluts--who do it for free--not whores, who do it for money.
Like the word whore rex. Hey, I'm no better than. My degradation
is the more subtle psychological variety. Meanwhile, back at the
ranch, Aspen masturbates her way through the five facial finale.
The bombs bursting in air. No condoms for these bitch
But after watching the above vids my brain needs a condom. Like
a space drunk astronaut exploring the furthest reaches of deepest,
darkest space, I return to you, dear reader, with this report.
Attack 6; Extreme Ass.; Dir., Tom Byron; stars: Bridgette Kerkove,
Carmen, Anastasia, Stephanie B., Leanni Lei, Kristi Myst
Byron, of Comeback Pussy fame, makes reliable, easy strokin',
blues soundtrack anal gonzo. Pretty girls, tasteful camera/edit
tricks and no serious gross-outs. Bridgette confesses that her last
name, Kerkove, is German. "And that's my real name. But you can
edit that out." Whoops. Bridgette, who bares some resemblance to
Bardot, must give the most beautiful gape this burned out pathetic
word whore's ever (ob)scene (sic). Slow blues fisting. Figures.
She's German. You probably won't feel too guilty, disappointed or
debased renting this and whacking off. And the jazzy blues/rock
fusion score won't hurt your headphoned ears--not wanting the neighbors
to hear Bridgette scream, "Fuck my ass!" at 4:00 AM. Asian alert:
there is an Asian female in this video and we all know Asians can't
suck dick any better than they drive, so . . .
who lives in the country, says billy goats will sometimes only mate
with other billys. Be a gay goat with pride. Hope Lon Mabon and
the Oregon Citizen's A lliance don't find out about this. They'll
put an initiative on the ballot banning goat herding in Oregon.
Kramski's latest has been retitled and released by Sin City as Chloe,
The Story of a Sex Addict. Originally titled by Kramski as Chloe:
A Day at the Beach, the current title bears no resemblance to
the actual script--just a shameless marketing ploy. See Exotic
magazine for the Chloe preview (Sept.) and Kramski interview
(Oct.), if they ever get up online.
of online, email your comments to firstname.lastname@example.org and get
involved in your porno community. Best monthly comment gets to come
down to the orifice and walk out with the movies of their choice
from the archives (held captive down in (de)basement). Ooh. So,
what the hell are you
waiting for, the second coming?