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xmag.com : Febuary 2002: Jack Shack

The loud, grinding noise of the garbage truck picking up dumpsters woke me up at three in the morning. I rolled out of bed, popped in a porn vid, and looked out the window. The garbage man picked up some trash on the street and threw it in the dumpster. Somebody left a rotting sofa on the curb. The garbage man shook his head, walked away, and tossed one last bag in the dumpster.

So much garbage on the street nowadays. Seems like we are awash in trash. I turned away from the window and zeroed in on the vid: Bag Ladies from JM Productions. Tall, whippet-thin girls doing the deed with trash bags over their heads. Bags decorated with big drawings of eyes and painted red lips with holes cut in them. Lots of dick slamming into the bags. I suspect the faces would be
as pretty as the bods, but the point here is to hype the old line, "She's got a
great bod, but you have to put a bag over her head." If that's your bag, this
vid is for you.

Sucking on a beer, I gagged on TS...I Love You from Odyssey. Not that I have anything against chicks with dicks.

"So much garbage on the street nowadays.
Seems like we are awash in trash."

 

Just not my thing. But Lilienne Li, who directed this vid, is one gorgeous tranny who knows how to suck cock. So, too, for the other she-males romping through the land of cock/pussy/tit where the Great Oneness of sex raises its sword against the traditional boundaries of the old duality where I have always been stuck. But if you want a tranny, this vid tells you how to find 'em, meet 'em, and squeeze 'em.

As the garbage truck pulled away, Nightstalker rolled across the screen. As always with vids from Extreme,
this stylish dark eroticism plunges the viewer into a nightworld of sexual
terror. Who is safe from the probing eye and hungry libido of this shadowy night stalker lurking outside the bedroom window? This is porn, so the girls gladly open their doors, and the smooth machinery between their legs, for the stalker. In one scene, he scopes out a black chick who spots him, smiles and does a strip while he's looking through a sliding glass door. Then he whips out his wood and presses it against the window. She licks his dick through the glass. Good photography. Very grainy and graphic. Perfect for Peeping Toms.

I slipped in After Midnight from Adam & Eve, flipped on CNN on my other TV, and watched both at the same time. Wobbly footage of a Daisy Cutter bomb exploding in Afghanistan. Ava Vincent, Taylor St. Claire, and Gina Ryder sit around a table and gab. The Daisy Cutter weighs 15,000 pounds and on impact clears away about an acre. One of the pretty trio is hanging upside-down over the shoulders of a hulk eating her out. CNN cuts from the Daisy Cutter to one of the zillion military analysts talking about Osama bin Laden's caves. For all you Gina Ryder fans, this tape is for you. It's her first anal, or so it says on the box cover. Osama had nice digs in some of those caves. If it was Gina's first anal, she took the pounding very well. One complex had a
lattice of forty-one caves which housed a bakery, a hotel with overstuffed furniture, a hospital with an ultrasound machine, a library, and a mosque. After Gina's anal, I went for Tales From the Script from Legend. Hanna Harper is the star in this vid, and I think it's her who's putting a toothbrush up her ass. The fancy cave complex was discovered long ago, and now Osama's hiding out in the mountains around Tora Bora. Osama in Tora Bora. Has a nice ring to it. Wonder if he has a toothbrush in that cave.

Somebody should shove a toothbrush up his ass along with the hot barrel of a machine gun. Hanna Harper does it many different ways with all her blonde orifices, but the meaning of the toothbrush was lost on me.

I cracked open another beer and scoped out the Asian dewdrops in Leechee Nuts from Visual Images, a blow-job tape. Saki, Jade, Kimmy, Miko, and Kiyana do the sucky-sucky ver-eee, ver-eee fine like whores along Highway #1 in Vietnam back in the good old days when we first tried out the Daisy Cutters.

The first half of a vid dumbly titled Double Feature is a spoof on sci-fi movies from the fifties complete with old sci-fi footage spliced in with new footage of vixens from outer space who land on a peanut farm in a flying saucer and fuck the perplexed peanut-pickers. The star of the show, Serenity, proves the earthling boys are more interested in getting into her panties even if the whole world is under attack. The second reel involves scientific experiments at Dr. I. M. Hung's penile clinic. Both story lines are utterly lame.

I'm about porned-out, but Odyssey's Creme de la Face sits on the desk screaming for a look, so I'll hang on. The opening scene with Rodney and Allison is riveting much in the same way crowds in 17th-century England got off watching a ritualistic disembowelment of a prisoner after his execution. You don't really want to look, but something compels you to stick it out. In this case, it is what Rodney is saying while Allison, on her knees, sucks him off. "Do you know how many times I'll compliment a girl and get shot down? Do you know how many times that happens?"

Rodney whines on and on about the abuse he has suffered from women who regard him as the weenie he is. Allison bobs her head up and down and grunts her approval while her mouth fills up with Rodney's sad tool. "You can make up for all those girls in the past I wanted to have sex with and they didn't think I was good enough for them," he yammers.

Superb porn. The meatballs watching this can identify with Rodney and dream of the day a girl like Allison comes along. It will never happen. Instead, the meatball will buy a porn vid.

*

 

(Regular Jack Shack columnist Roy Pervlovski is currently serving time on a parole violation after running over a bicyclist with his automobile. Depending on whether he earns good-behavior credits, he may or may not be back next month.)

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