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xmag.com : April 2002: I Hate Sex

Once I spent a day at a nudist camp, and the sight of all those sunburned balls started my libido on the path to destruction. It all began when I answered this personal ad: OLDER GENTLEMAN SEEKS YOUNGER GIRL TO SPOIL AND PAMPER. WHAT HAVE YOU TO LOSE? I'm always looking for a good sugar daddy, so I called him up and we met for lunch. But when I saw him in person, I nearly puked. He was the biggest freak I've ever met!

He was 50 years old, but he looked 13. Yes, 13! He was short and well-built, in teenage surf clothes, with fluffy, bleached-blond, bisexual-looking hair. As we chatted over lunch, I learned that he was an ex-stripper whose interests included night-shift go-go dancing at a gay club, being led around by a leash attached to his balls, and having people crap and piss all over his face. Best of all, he was a respected sixth-grade teacher by day!!!

"I myself cut loose naked and was soon whirled off by a drunk-ass Texan who kept rubbing his fat, hairy balls on me."


I'm a sucker for freaks, so when he invited me to spend a day at his favorite nudist camp, I said yes immediately. Now, I had never gone nude in public before, but I'm no shrinking violet, so when we arrived I whipped off my sarong and paraded about in naught but sunglasses (so I could ogle people on the sly). My date kept one eye on my "beautiful asshole" and the other on his own well-muscled physique, both of which he obviously lusted after. We spent the day hanging out at the pool, chatting with fat, ugly, naked people, my date even carrying on a lengthy conversation with one guy over my bare ass, as I floated on an air mattress between them like a sexy, clefted conference table!

Like I said, my date was a hardcore sex freak, so naturally he couldn't keep his hands off me. In fact, he almost got us kicked out for being too lascivious. (Those camps have super-strict rules--erections are NOT allowed and must be covered up at once!) Thank God he shriveled right up when he found one single hair growing from my right nipple! In those days I shaved EVERYTHING, but I guess that one overlooked hair was just too much for a man who shaved even his balls! I had to calm him down by suggesting a walk in the woods. We wandered off down this forest path, naked as deer, munching nuts and berries like Adam and Eve...until we came to an ominously romantic sandy beach beside a bubbling brook.

As ALWAYS happens to me, my date insisted on "spoiling me" (i.e., eating my beleaguered pussy). Now, by this time it was obvious that this was no sugar daddy, and that I wouldn't make a dime out of him. But we were out in the country surrounded by fat, hairy nudists, so what could I do?? I had sand up my ass, and my stomach was growling from only having nuts and berries all day! I gave in and faked a quick screamer, and, satisfied that he had pleasured me more than any man ever could, he helped me up and we headed back to camp, me glaring at his hairless ass all the way.

But it wasn't over yet! At nightfall, the camp clubhouse became the hottest party in town. There was this DJ busting loose Ricky Martin while the nudists freaked nasty (and I mean NASTY). Mysteriously, many of the ladies wore strategic scraps of clothing for the dance; I myself cut loose naked and was soon whirled off by a drunk-ass Texan who kept rubbing his fat, hairy balls on me. A fitting end to a nauseating day! My date wanted to spend the night in one of the camp's rental trailers, but I'd had enough!! We got into his SUV and got the hell out of there. Notice I didn't mention getting dressed--he liked to drive naked. I rode the whole way home stabbing mental daggers into his loathsome, bouncing dick...as I do to every smelly, wrinkly penis I'm forced to look at. So watch out... and KEEP IT COVERED!




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