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"Can we, as a country, all
agree
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xmag.com
: April
2002: Peaches
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Ever
go to the record store with a few extra kopecks in your
pocket and pick up the first CD that has some chick's
silly putty all tightly wrapped in neon fuschia hot pants?
I mean, those marketing suds obviously know who they're
talking to when they do shit like that. Then you put it
on, spin, and it spits out the usual angsty boy-band crap
and you know you've been taken for a ride. Not so with
The Teaches of Peaches.
These eleven smokin' stripper grooves from superbad rapper
Peaches put the "hot" in hot pants. And when this girl
shows her honey on the jacket, you are PROMISED that it
will be sticky inside.
This is quite frankly the
best CD for strippers to strip to since, like, Marvin
Gaye, and you'd better go buy it. Girl made it in the
comfort of her own bedroom, alone, with a trusty ol' beat
box (much more reliable than those old-fashioned drummers
'n' bassists, with their egos and addictions). I'm figuring
there were also a large handful of sex toys involved,
some stilettos and garter belts, and a detailed journal
of cummers and goners.
The whole platter is rather
reminiscent of Breakin', but with genius Planned
Parenthood rhymes and a fistful of punk rock. Someone
else dubbed it a cross between Penthouse Forum
and Charles Manson. The opening track, "Fuck the Pain
Away," saunters outta nowhere with this little couplet:
Suckin' on my titties
like you wanted me/callin' me all the time
like Blondie/check out
my Chrissie behind
it's fine all over the
time.
And while these songs mighta
been crafted by one person and with one hand, they were
obviously intended to stroke and rub a crowd
into ecstasy.
Her live show is notorious
for the naughty goings-on: in less-conservative nations,
real live penetration has been achieved, plus the usual
menu of rubbing, licking and sucking, which this vulgar
Canadian temptress virtually demands. In the track "AA
XXX," the Peach taunts her audience with this refrain:
Licky licky sucky nobody
here can tell me they don't wanna fucky
Who's gonna motherfuckin'
step up?
And for boyz who don't
know who she is or how to do her, she explains patiently,
There's only one Peach
with a hole in the middle
Diddle my skittle/Diddle
my skittle.
Got your money's worth
yet? Plus, since the beats are prepackaged, Peach
has her hands free to do whatever she wants to herself
or to you. She preaches her own gospel, evangelical-style.
Which is probably why I think she's such a Cherry Bomb.
"This is quite
frankly the best CD for strippers to strip to since,
like, Marvin Gaye, and you'd better go buy it."
Peach sat down with Exotic
last month before she opened up for pervert savant
John Waters (whose hand I got to shake!!!). [Note--remember
to read this with a darling little zherrmon agzent....Miss
Peach has been ein Berliner for quite some time
now.] Here's a look at what fertilized the tree she got
shook down from:
VIVA: What's the sexiest
song of all time?
Peaches: I feel like being
just totally obvious and saying Donna Summer's "Love to
Love You Baby." No. "I Feel Love." The extended mix.
Oh, God. These are hard.
Can I go home? There's so many different kinds of sexy.
Let's just say Iggy Pop. Who do you think is the sexiest?
Me? Oh, God. These
are hard. I love the Stooges' music, but I think that
Chrissie Hynde has a really sexy voice.
Yeah. She's like my favorite.
That first album is amazingly sexy. Actually, let's
say "Precious" for the sexiest song. I really really
love Chrissie. I also think the Runaways are really
really sexy. Maybe Iggy Pop/Runaways. Can we start
over again?
What's sexy about
Canada?
There's less people and
more space, so you can have, you know, more sex outside
and less people coming by. Unless you want them to come
by.
Chartreuse with sambuca
with some Tabasco in it. It's fuckin' amazing.
What's the sexiest
thing you've ever seen onstage?
I wear a dildo sometimes,
and I had a straight guy sucking me off, which was really
cool. I didn't even ask him to. He just came up and
was slowly sucking me off. I also had a crazy sexy dance
with a girl onstage and I got totally horny. It was
so fun.
Song you'd most like
to cover?
"Sex" by Berlin, which
I just did cover. I had to do it because when
I first heard it, it really creeped me out. Then five
years later I was like, "That song is great!" You know
when something creeps you out that there's something
goin' on. So I felt like I had to cover that song cuz
I'm sure there are some people who feel that way about
Peaches.
Sexiest guitar solo
of all time?
Uh, I don't find guitar
solos sexy at all. It's like, "Waaaeeeeaahh..." I think
they're about as sexy as beating off. It's wanking.
Do you find guitar solos sexy?
No, I don't. But 90%
of the people I interview are guys, and they seem to.
For me, it's all about the rhythm. Alright, domestic
situation. Are you available?
I'm available. I'm ready
whenever.
What's the sexiest
city in the world?
I think that Barcelona
is pretty damn sexy. When I play a show there, I am
constantly making out with people.
New York. I love random
shit, and so much random shit happens there. L.A.'s
all driving to get somewhere.
What color panties
are you wearing, and how long have you been wearing
them?
Yeah, but I've given
all mine away on this tour. And I tried on pants yesterday
at, I'm glad to say, the Gap.
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