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Surfin’ The Web With Ray: BatheInMyMilk.com

by Ray McMillin

Hello, all! It turns out that deadline is a bitch and she’s been fucking all the guys in the oce. So, thanks to lastminute requests...umm, I mean...love of journalism, I have started a new column. Each month, I will be reviewing the very best of the internet. If you don’t know, aside from being a place where you can falsely accuse strangers of the latest phobia or engage in a witch hunt on social media, the "World Wide Web" is full of gems and wonders. I risk my browser history so you don’t have to! What’s in store for January? Milk! Peep deets...


Although it sounds like a column one of our authors would write, Bathe In My Milk is a pretty straightforward website—it’s a photo collection of various men bathing in a tub full of milk, while being watched by a woman (she is assumed to be the owner of said milk). "Milk Maid," as I’ve nicknamed her, does not appear to smile—ever. Most of the men in her tub appear to be unhappy, but they also appear free to leave at any time. The photos on the website remind me of what you’d get if Harold & Maude was directed by Rob Zombie.

Research on the site shows that this page is supposedly real, as in, it is af- filiated with an actual sign that was posted up around Seattle. While there is no contact info listed at BatheIn- MyMilk.com, the domain name was purchased by someone with a Washington area code. Could this be the Northwest’s most well-kept secret, in terms of gentlemen’s clubs?

Obvious questions arise. What’s with the rope under the claw foot tub and why is the bathroom so dirty? How much does this lady charge? Who the hell is taking these photos? Is milk really that good for your skin or is this just the latest health fad, to be replaced by another Atkins diet or gluten-whatever in a few years?

This may be the future and we just don’t know it yet. Bitcoin, out. Milk, in. Who else is doing this kind of thing? Sure, one of our resident photographers, Hypnox, is well-known for a picture of a woman in a bathtub full of Cheetos. His photo, having been circulated on the internet for over a decade, is quite popular—but Doug has never once gone to the extent of posting up "Bathe In My Cheetos" signs all over Portland. Sorry, Hypnox, but your monopoly on the tubs-filledwith- shit erotica market may have some new competition.

The internet is the future. But, the lady in these photos appears to be pushing at least 75—she knows something. Trust your elders. They have the wisdom you don’t. And, bathe in their milk.

If anyone reading this knows where this tub is located, how to apply for a milk bath and who the woman behind it is, please email me (RayRaysPhone@ Gmail.com) and let me know if skim or whole works best for an aging body.