I had an experience recently at a local beer store….er bar, which prompted me to write an article about it, specifically because my partner did not understand why it made me feel the way it had, which was, in the politest way of putting this, uncomfortable.
The thing that bothered me most was that my partner did not understand why this made me so uncomfortable because, to him and many other individuals of the “masculine” type, this situation could be easily brushed off and never thought of again. Unfortunately, for myself and many other individuals out there (males not excluded here), this type of thing happens so frequently that you almost don't feel like going out anymore—just because trying to make the situation not happen takes more effort than it did to put on an outfit that day (which is a feat for me some days, let me tell you).
I need to give my partner credit here, as he did try to make it noticeable that I was with him and that I should join the conversation he was holding with another patron, but this didn’t put a halt or deter the individual trying to talk at me, in the slightest. It was also on me for not verbally stating how uncomfortable I was becoming, which is why I am writing this article. Because that last sentence is exactly what stops change from occurring, and when someone or a group of individuals are being repulsive adult toddlers, they need to be told that's what they are acting like so that it doesn't happen again—or at least not to you.
So, whoever you are, if you’re reading this article, read on. We can all learn something from my experiences, if not what to do, what not not to do. Don't worry; I'll make it fun. Because I'm nice, and I might like you. This is really just about proper etiquette when it comes to talking to people in public, how to notice obvious social queues, and what to do with them.
1. If you are sitting alone and minding your own business, it’s ok to stay that way. This goes for everyone. You do not have to feel pressured into holding a conversation with anyone in public. Did you just want to go to a bar and grab a drink because you had a long day? Maybe you've had your share of hearing people talk, or maybe you don't need an explanation at all because you do not owe anyone anything...except for the bartender. Pay them. They might even be able to help you out of a jam like this.
2. When you notice someone you’d like to try starting a conversation with, especially if you don’t know them, try introducing yourself first. Simply saying, "Hey, I'm Tad. Do you mind if I sit here? We don't have to talk if you don't want to. I just didn't wanna be the weirdo in the corner" might break the ice a bit. It also lets the person choose if they want to even have you by them, let alone converse. If they say, "No, I'm saving this seat for my friend," then no means no. Even if that person has no friend and is kind of being a bit of an “uppercase B” by taking up two seats at a bar, respect their personal space.
3. Don’t talk about politics to someone you don’t know, and try arguing your point of view. That’s it. If you both are trying to have open forum-style conversations about world events, neat. But don't try shaming someone into believing you’re more correct than them. It just makes you into a huge ass.
4. Asking questions like, "What do you think the future of the world is?” is a loaded question and one I'm personally unable to respond to with a stranger, let alone one sitting at the bar next to me. So don’t go there. If you go there, prepare for a weird answer. It’s also especially hard when that person is extraordinarily drunk and trying to order you a drink you don't want, which brings me to number 5.
5. Do not ask what someone is having and say you're buying them a drink. Telling someone you're buying them a drink is, in this day and age, creepy and a bit insulting for reasons I have a hard time describing. Asking if you can buy them a drink is great. I love when people ask if they can buy me a drink. If you're turned down, don't make it weird, bud. Just accept it, move along like it didn't happen, and do not ask again.
6. If you are speaking to someone and they start turning their head and attention towards another direction or person, they probably don't want to continue your conversation. That isn't true in all instances, but to be on the improved social etiquette side of things, don't try continuing to talk to them. At that point, you're talking at them and trying to force a conversation they don't want to have. It makes you look creepy again. Which is not what you want to go for. Also, no hands. Do not put your hand on their shoulder, and try turning them around. It's so off-putting and repulsive it almost makes me want to throw a glass of liquid in someone’s face when it happens.
7. If you are on the receiving end of 5 and 6, do not feel bad about turning them down. You aren't doing anything wrong, and politely stating your "No, but thanks" will hopefully sway them in the correct direction and help them understand that they might be making you feel uncomfortable. You owe them nothing, I repeat, you owe them nothing. They should feel honored to have had you even acknowledge them when they said hello (see end paragraph*).
8. If you are with someone, and another individual is trying to get your attention, but you are feeling awkward, do not be afraid or embarrassed to let the person you are with verbally know. If they aren’t getting the hint, make eyes with the bartender and then tell the person talking at you, "I'm trying to hang out with these people," or "I'm just trying to sit in peace for a bit." That way, the bartender also openly heard your statement and can keep a tab on the weirdo making unwanted advances. Again, this works for both men and women. Bartenders and industry folks, I can't say it enough, they want to have your back. They like good groups of people and good customers and want you to feel safe. They might be like me and not like most people, but they want you returning and don’t appreciate weirdos breathing down their backs.
* When I say this, I full-heartedly mean it. Everyone's breath and time are worth a dollar amount, and the dollar amount you set for yourself will be what determines the quality of people in your life. You might not be a millionaire boat owner with two pet cows, and your friends might all be warehouse workers or school lunch ladies with a secret flask of Malört in their bosom, but that isn’t the point. The point is the quality of these people and how they interact with you tells you and those people how much you are worth to them. And it better be the whole damn world.
Hannah One Cup can be found on soc meds…on Facebook by her name, and Tik-Tok at (@thursdaynight_depression).
