Leos, where to begin with this one. Lions are the animal chosen to reign over this sign. In the zodiac, Leos are seen as having a zest for life. Their likes are…being liked or admired, the theater (probably because they are lead roles), vacations, and fancy, expensive things. My partner is a Leo (Lucky me, I'm a Capricorn. Do what you want with that information...). Leos absolutely do not like not being paid attention to or being treated like a king or queen. Honestly, to me, the best representation of this in animal form is a French bulldog. Frenchies are little assholes that are constantly needing your undivided attention, detest when another dog is the center of attention, and don't generally play well with others that take the spotlight away from them. They’re also expensive. If your partner is also a Leo, expect expensive dates even when finances are tight and to be giving a lot of head-pets saying "you're great," with as much enthusiasm as you can muster after the 100th time that day.
Out of all the zodiac signs, this is actually one I come into contact with the least for some reason and know very little about. The Virgo is actually represented by a virgin for reasons. They like animals (specific animals), nature, and cleanliness. They do not like asking anyone for help or rudeness. House cat. House cats are tidy, poop and pee in a box (so long as they aren’t being dicks), are constantly grooming themselves, and every time you show them that stringy-feather toy you've had for years, they act like it's the first time they've seen it and go nuts. House cat = Virgo. House cats are also usually fixed, meaning…unless they already had babies earlier, they're probably also virgins.
Libras are another one of those signs not represented by a creature per se but an object. Two scales, due to their "fair nature." Libras love fairness and equality. They are supposedly very diplomatic in nature and hate injustice, violence, or conformity. However, Libras also have a huge tendency to be super indecisive. So…I'm not actually sure how long it takes them to come up with their opinion on what seems fair or not. Let's go with a panda. Libras are panda-people. Pandas are gentle and always strive to keep the relationships they have intact and those around them happy—or at least content. Pandas are goofy and also don't seem to understand that the bamboo that they eat has little to no nutritional value. I honestly think pandas eat bamboo because no other creature is actively trying to eat bamboo as much as them, so they're trying to give the other living creatures more to live off of. How amazingly kind and how incredibly detrimental to their species' future. Panda-people.
Scorpios are scorpions in the traditional astrological calendar. Easy enough to remember for a tattoo if you’re one of those kinds of people. Scorpios have some traits I wouldn't necessarily call great, per se. But…maybe if you were a lawyer or a politician, they might work to your benefit. Because they love truth, being right (meaning that the "truth" is always going to be their opinion), and teasing people. Scorpios do not like dishonesty, superficiality, or small talk. So, I kind of picture a city coyote here. City coyotes (or just coyotes, if you haven't ever seen them in the city roaming the streets for cats, as I have) are a lot like Scorpios in that they are good in a pack but function exceedingly well on their own. Just out there looking for cats so they can feed their babies or something. Coyotes are also extremely playful with each other, but the pack head honcho is never afraid to tell you to "Step the fuck back; you are absolutely wrong. I'm correct, and I'm the leader!" So, have fun with that one. Just be cautious not to try starting an argument with them. Start with a prank first, and see how it goes. Sagittarius [November 22 – December 21] This is the weird centaur/archer dude. Sags (that's what I'm calling them because I'm lazy) like traveling, freedom, and being outdoors. They don't like clingy people, theories that have no logical sense, or listening to the details of a story. They're known for needing to travel, trying to get to the bottom line of things, and being overly honest due to their moral compass being without any shade of grey. Horses. Much like a Sag person, horses love being wild and free. They are curious enough to see what would happen if they just happened to try to bite your finger off while feeding them an apple (I saw it on a YouTube video once) and then run away gleefully afterward, thinking it was a fun game they just played. Loyal, curious, and sometimes assholes. A Sag in a nutshell. You crazy horse, you—run wild and be free.
We've come to my sign—a goat person. I've never liked this creature representing my zodiac sign because it’s so goddamn accurate it’s infuriating. As a Capricorn, I can speak from first-hand experience that we enjoy silence, set plans, family/loyalty, and animals. Our dislikes will include literally anything at some point in our life. It depends on the time of day, year, temperature outside, and if the sun is out. There isn’t a lot of wiggle room in our sense of logic, and it takes a strong personality to tell us otherwise. Arctic penguins. Only Arctic. Loyal to their family and completely sure of where the fucking fish are when they have to swim all that way to get food for the dead-beat, stay-at-home dad and starving child. No one can tell them any different because mom made this trip, and so did her grandma...icy, tooth-filled, flightless, strong-willed birds. Aquarius [January 20 – February 18]
Represented by three squiggly lines because someone got lazy. Aquarius people enjoy fighting for causes, having fun with friends (when they want to), and risky business, apparently. They do not like being lonely or having boring conversations with people. Known to be extremely curious about things in general and great at problem-solving, I would say an aye-aye is a wonderful suitor here. Aye-ayes have figured out how to live in trees almost all day, eating fruit and using their long fingers as a tool to pick for bugs inside trees. Ingenious and usually surrounded by folks they know. Usually, with a tail attached. Er…I guess only if you were an actual aye-aye…but you’re a human…so…
Two fish, symbolizing something to do with Zeus throwing out his pet fish and those two fish being lovers—or something. Pisces love being alone; they also love…love and romance, music, and sleeping. They don't like know-it-alls or being criticized. This sounds like a great person to work with if they didn't sleep in. Pisces peeps are friendly and always want to help others. I'm just not sure if they love that more than sleep, so honestly…the sloth. The sloth fits great because they love sleeping (a solid 8-10 hours a day) and are extremely mellow, down-to-earth creatures. Although they only go down to earth to poop, they're your buddy you can say anything to, even if they are asleep. Talk their ear off; they won't wake up until they have to poop.
Alright, all you beautiful people...that's it. I'm already over my budget on words. I hope you enjoyed my opinion on the animals you all represent to me. And yes, what a twist, no spooky animals made this list. I’m gonna go back to explaining the correct way to fish to my dog and tell people to stop drinking pumpkin beer. It's disgusting—peace out.
