All right, kids, class is back in session. Last month, I began this philosophy crash course with a selection of teachings from Socrates. Among the students who sat and learned from Socrates, aside from Bill and Ted, was Plato, whose name has become synonymous with republics and friends who don’t fuck. But I’m not here to teach you about republics or platonic friendships—I’m sure you can figure that stuff out on your own. I’m teaching you about philosophy, which it just so happens is another thing Plato is known for. Let’s dig in, shall we?
“Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.” Understanding the motivations behind somebody’s behavior is a handy tool in the bouncer’s toolbox. I recently read a really good academic paper on the subject, titled "Behavioral Indicators of Motives for Barroom Aggression: Implications for Preventing Bar Violence." The paper is available to read for free on the National Library of Medicine’s PubMed Central website, and I’d recommend that anyone working in nightlife give it a read. The authors of the study sent observation teams into 118 large-capacity bars in Toronto between midnight and 3 a.m. to document instances of aggression in a barroom setting. They identified four main causes of aggression: compliance, grievance/justice, social identity, and fun/excitement, all of which—one could argue—have their roots in Plato’s list of desire, emotion, and knowledge. The study offers strategies for dealing with aggressive acts based on each of the four motives they list in the paper, and that’s the point I’m getting at. If you’re able to deduce what’s driving someone’s problematic behavior, you’ll have a better idea of how to address those actions.
“For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories.” Having some level of control over oneself is important in bouncer work; control over things like vices and emotions. The more you lack control over your emotions, the more easily an unruly patron can provoke you into an unnecessary, violent confrontation that makes you look like the aggressor. The more you lack control over your vices, the more those vices will distract you from your job, whether it be drinking, drugs, or video crack—ahem—I mean video lottery. In both cases, failure to conquer yourself erodes your ability to perform good security work effectively and has the potential to get you fired—or worse.
“The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.” This one is true both philosophically and scientifically. I won’t get too deep into a science lesson save to say the contents of a full vessel dampen the vessel’s ability to propagate resonant vibrations. Philosophically, it’s like this: if someone at work comes to me with a security issue, that’s a good thing. It’s what I’m there for. If someone comes to me with multiple issues every single shift I work, at some point, I start to wonder if they were a feral child who just never learned how to play nice with others...or they’re just bored. Perhaps they don’t know how to function without drama and will manufacture it if it doesn’t come about organically. Similarly, someone who gets disproportionately angry about a relatively minor situation and seems a little too eager to fight you in the process is, more often than not, doing something called "posturing"—puffing themselves up and acting overly aggressive in the hopes you’ll back down. Both cases are examples of empty vessels making loud sounds. Take these people with a grain of salt.
“People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.” My roommate Jack is constantly reminding me that "you’re judged by the company you keep." I’ve also heard it said that if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room. I’m not sure where that one originated, but it’s been attributed to Confucius, Marissa Mayer, and Lorne Michaels. Whoever actually said it first, these sayings all mean the same thing: be selective of who you keep around. Don’t give shitty people occasion to drag you down with them.
“When men speak ill of thee, live so as nobody may believe them.” Deprive your haters of ammunition against you. Deny them a leg to stand on when they try to undermine you. Mind you, Plato is talking about reality here, not appearance. Be an upstanding person; don’t just make an effort to appear that way. You’ll eventually be discovered if you’re fake. Conversely, if you put in the effort to be genuinely righteous, then neither falsehoods nor truth will hold the power to hurt you, and a singular failure of character on your part won’t be your downfall if it’s a clear statistical outlier. (Every person who’s ever lived has failed once or twice.)
“He who is not a good servant will not be a good master.” I’m gonna rewind really quickly to November 2003. I was a young private first class in the Marine Corps, and I had just reported to my first duty station in Okinawa, Japan, less than a month prior. My tour of duty there was for a full year, longer than I’d ever been away from home, further from home than I’d ever been, and I was homesick as fuck when Thanksgiving rolled around. I planned on doing what I could to make the best of it, but I was feeling pretty miserable. On the day of, I was summoned to the rec room of the barracks, along with the rest of my work section, and was shocked to find our section head and his wife there, along with a full Thanksgiving spread. Corporal Zamora was married, so he lived in base housing, not the barracks, and it was a holiday. He should have been home with his wife. Instead, they came and served Thanksgiving dinner to a bunch of lonely, homesick kids spending the holidays on the opposite side of the planet from their families. After that day, I would have followed that dude into hell. He served us and, in the process, earned our loyalty—or at least he earned mine. Be a servant to your people, and see how far that gets you with them. And on that note…
“The measure of a man is what he does with power.” This one doesn’t need much elaboration. If you find yourself in a position of power, don’t be self-serving with that power. Use it to do right by the people under your charge. Period.
“The wisest have the most authority.” I’ve written before about being a recovering preacher’s kid and how I haven’t thrown out the baby with the bath water. I was always captivated by the story of King Solomon, who, when God offered to grant him whatever he asked, asked for wisdom. He didn’t ask for long life or wealth or the downfall of his enemies…you know, the kind of shit most of us would ask for in that position, and God granted him not only the wisdom he asked for but all those other things he didn’t. Wisdom will take you places. Just don’t count on the Judeo-Christian imaginary friend to give it to you. Earn it for yourself by learning from your mistakes and always looking for the lessons that life is trying to teach you.
“The most virtuous are those who content themselves with being virtuous without seeking to appear so." Want to know something I really hate? Videos I see on social media of content creators like Mr. Beast, who do incredibly kind things for other people, but they do these things while sticking cameras in the faces of the victims of their kindness so they can show the world what wonderful people they are, in hopes of generating likes or shares or clicks or whatever other stupid social media metrics they’re trying to pump up—stunts like that ring hollow to me. A real act of kindness doesn’t need that kind of exposure. Doing the right thing should be its own reward. If that isn’t the case for you, you might just be kind of a piece of shit.
Are you sick of philosophy yet? Too bad, fuckers, ‘cause next month’s article is about Plato’s student, Aristotle!
Nate Hazen is a bouncer, writer, occasional poet and artist, and fledgling philosophy student. Come talk with him about your favorite philosopher at X Exotic Lounge Wed-Sat from 8 p.m. to 2:30 a.m.
