World's Butt-Ugliest Animals

When we think of antelope, we think of graceful, bounding creatures that eat grass and run like hell at top speed when any danger is near. This is, indeed, still the case with this one, but it has something to it that puts it on this list. You see, its face, well, its face looks like slender butt cheeks, or maybe some outer labia, maybe like a tiny, naked doll. Either way, this thing is not pretty. Its face is apparently like that because it filters out sand and dust, enabling the antelope to survive comfortably on the steppe, but whoa, at what cost? They are also critically endangered, but because they're ugly, nobody seems to care much.

Speaking of animals that have faces that look like unpleasant human body parts, we have the star-nosed mole. Nearly blind, if not completely so, these little mammals rely primarily on their puckered butthole of a face to detect prey, which is insects and earthworms, in the tunnels they dig deep into the Earth. Their poopchute nose is ostensibly one of the most sensitive organs in the entire animal kingdom, being able to detect its dinner via sensing vibrations and changes in the dirt. Despite being another marvel of evolution, it's not gonna get a lot of right swipes on its Tinder.

The goblin shark is a seriously wack creature. It's a shark, yes. We know what sharks are and what they do. This guy, however, fulfills the criteria for being a shark and then takes it to another level. When we think of sharks, we think of the great white, like JAWS, but this guy is more humble and far more frightening. Its skin is pink, which is weird enough, and it exists in the deep sea, so you're not likely to ever glimpse one, let alone have it bite your nutsack. However, if you did, you'd find the true horror is its jaw, which launches out of its face like the xenomorph in the movie "Alien."

This guy is really a marvel of ugliness. These sea creatures live on the ocean floor and look like Mr. Magoo, if he were a fish with sharp teeth. However, the blobfish is like your cousin Steve, as it doesn't really do anything. It sits at the bottom of the sea, and just sort of eats whatever happens to float into its mouth. Lazy fucker. They are unique in that they do not have much in the way of bones, and as such, sort of turn into a pile of half-set Jell-O when removed from their habitat, thus the name. PETA is not doing any conservation efforts on this one, for sure.

Imagine a warthog. Imagine that warthog, which is already not the most attractive of species, having several sets of tusks that curve backward like the horns of a ram. It uggles along and uses these tusks to fight other babirusas over territory and mates, as we all do. Their disturbing existence ranks them a place on this list. Fun facts about them are that their backward-curved tusks, if not snapped during combat, can eventually burrow into their skulls, killing them, albeit slowly. Also, the females only have two teats, whereas regular warthogs have four, and most pigs have between 10 and 14. So, this means you have enough hands to try to squeeze that sweet, sweet hog milk out of them, assuming they do not kill you in the process.

Despite its name, the naked mole rat is neither a mole nor a rat, and is typically not expected to wear clothes. While it is a rodent, it is more like a porcupine or a Guinea pig than anything else. It is native to East Africa, and lives in a system of burrows with its kin. They are nearly immune to pain, as well as cancer and oxygen deprivation. This hideous rodent is immune to pain and cancer? Well, then. Superb qualities, all, but this does not change the fundamentals. They look like a retired male pornstar's shriveled dong, but with teeth out front. They are of the butt-ugliest animals. Some keep them as pets, even, but why you'd want to do this is beyond me, and this is coming from a man who keeps snakes for fun. Butt-ugly? Nah, withered penis-ugly.

The proboscis monkey is from Borneo, an Indonesian island. Apparently, Borneo is a large island of conflict, being disputed among several states. The island is home to some familiar apes, such as the auburn-haired orangutan, which, by the way, means "forest person" in Malaysian. But the proboscis monkey, as we call it in the West, is known by the term "dick nose." Because its nose looks like a dick. But its face-cock serves to help the monkey, which I shall mention is not an ape, to find mates and impress them. The biggest nose gets the best of hoes. The orangutans are just sitting there, like, "What is this nose business? Assholes; they're off my Xmas coconut list," but they share the same environment and similar habits.

Holy shit, we are crossing the Rubicon, here. The aye aye is fugly. It is so beyond ugly, it makes the blobfish blush. Due to evolutionary conditions, our Earth spawned this grotesque weirdo. It's a lemur, of sorts, but when we think of lemurs, we think of those happy ring-tailed guys who jump around and make us wish we worked out more. The aye aye...this fucker is custom-crafted to live in your nightmares. It's more or less harmless to humanity (I hope) and just looks for bugs to eat. That said, they have hideous eyes, yellow like the sun, and an enlarged middle finger to poke grubs and worms out of their safe spaces. They are a purpose-built animal who, thankfully, does not want to conquer the world.