Sorry folks, no comedy this month. No listicle. More of an obituary, really. While Monqui and AEG break ground on this "mid-sized" venue in Lloyd Center, smaller…I guess "micro-sized" venues? How 'bout "nano" venues are shuttering left and right. Apparently, Crystal Ballroom and Revolution Hall are "small-sized" venues, so what I'm referring to are essentially bars with stages. However, these…"mini” venues are the entry points for basically anyone trying to begin their live music career. To say they’re essential is an understatement—and they can't seem to hack it.
Earlier this year, St. John's premier local live music spot—The Fixin’ To—didn’t close, but it did shut down its stage and replaced it with an arcade. The official reason was operating costs. I attended one of the final performances with Rayon and The Fur Coats. Fantastic show, but obviously the mood was somber. I could never get the straight story, since I'm not in the inner circle, but like always, the culprit was money—not enough of it. Betty kept hammering the point home that you gotta go to the venues if you want them to survive. Don’t eat before the show; venues have food in Oregon. Eat there. Get more drinks, damnit. Pay the cover. Etc.
Sounds like greedy capitalists begging for your hard-earned income, but sadly, it's true. Go to any of these "nano" venues in Portland, and I guarantee you'll never feel too crowded...unless the band has a TikTok hit or it's a larger, signed band that one of these venues snagged with a good advance. I promise I'm not some boomer parent telling you it's your fault and that's how the free market works, but it's hard not to see the trend. A scene is made of people, and if there are no people, there’s no scene.
Often, when I get really grumpy about money, I do some inflation calculation to see if our numbers are off. Apparently, the average show at CBGB in the mid-'70s was five bucks, according to Debbie Harry and Lou Reed in interviews. They are notorious liars and all, but let’s say that’s accurate. Adjusted for inflation, that's about $30 in today's dollars. Seems high, right? But I looked up public records, and New York's minimum wage in the mid-'70s was indeed $2.10. Probably less in some places, with unethical employers. So, that kinda tracks. Portland’s minimum wage is $16.30. I guess if we want to create a CBGB in Portland, we’ll need to start charging 30 dollars at the door.
Seems ridiculous, right? But no matter how many ways I math it (average rent in the city, average wage, etc.), that's what the poor bastards in New York were paying at the door, seeing history be made, adjusted for inflation.
Lollipop Shoppe, one of the premier “nano" venues in the new downtown of Inner Southeast, will be closed by the time this comes out. If I have any readers in Eugene, they'll notice that the Jewel of the Whitaker, Sam Bond's Garage, is also no more.
One of my favorite venues I’ve ever played out of town (Art Boutiki in San Jose) is also apparently dunzo by the end of this month. I spoke to one of the bookers, and it sounds like the team that puts on shows there is looking to do "pop-ups" in other smaller venues, whatever that means. But the dark, sad revelation of that talk was that the owner apparently hasn't been paid in five years. Once again, the issue is money. Not enough of it.
Kelly's Olympian isn't closed, but they lost their live band booker and are apparently focusing on karaoke and DJ nights, so they're effectively closed.
Can nothing be done? Don't ask me. The musicians can't exactly take a pay cut; we're already playing for free. I guess you can ask the show staff to do the same, but that probably won’t go over well.
I seriously doubt that anyone in this city is going to pay $30 to see three shitty local bands. I have "friends" who complain about paying $15 to see their friends' band at Dante's (is that a mini-venue? Small? Where's the size chart?).
All five venues I've mentioned here cite "operating costs" as the reason they can't do live music anymore, and I get that there's just not that much money coming in the door for the bands, but how much is it costing? Do they have to put another bartender on shift? The sound guy and door guy get hourly pay, sure, but setup-to-teardown can only be a few hours max. Is that really breaking the bank?
I've never operated a venue, so I don't know. Write in and tell me if you do.
If you were expecting some jokes or snarks, or even sincere solutions, sorry to disappoint you. I'm just here to drag you down with me, in my depression of losing these rad venues with no one to blame and throw batteries at. Ultimately, it seems to be a case of there not being enough to go around. Not enough money, not enough people...maybe there are too many venues. There are definitely too many bands, so perhaps the herd needs to be thinned a bit for some sort of scene to flourish. I also just saw Bugonia, so that bleak-but-convincing argument to burn, destroy, and rebuild is ringing somewhat true for me.
Furthermore, I'm sick of artists moving to Nashville or Lost Angeles as soon as they get a modicum of success here. Like, great, on top of venues closing, we also have brain drain. That'll definitely help cultivate a scene.
Some people like to say house shows are the way to go, and that's fine and dandy for the kids, but ultimately, that leads to insular scenes. What I like about pubs is that they're public—everyone's invited. A scene made up of pretentious hipsters who you have to text for an address doesn't sound very inclusive.
Maybe the answer is places like our beloved Firkin Tavern. Every show is free, and they do a bar cut. It is a janky setup. There's no sound guy, and you're shown the PA to figure out on your own, so basically, it's a house show in a bar. But I've never seen an ill-attended show there. It's a nice location and the staff is awesome. Maybe that’s the way to jumpstart and maintain the Portland scene.
Or we just start charging $30 at the door.
