I don’t give a shit about music. The only music I listen to is the soundtracks to my favorite video games and anime. When I'm scrolling through /pol/ or Mr. Skin or pretending to do stuff at my cushy work-from-home job, I don't listen to music. I listen to Joe Rogan or Theo Von if I’m feeling saucy.
What I especially don’t understand is people who get like…into artists, and follow them. Like, people will hear a song on the radio or see it in a movie, and then they…like, find out who made that song and follow them? Like some TikTok influencer? They listen to whole albums with that one song and a bunch of others, and then they anticipate the next batch of songs from that artist. It all just seems like a huge waste of time for…for background noise?
One thing I notice in the comments section from these weird music fans is when they complain about how a newer batch of songs from one of their favorite artists is worse than an older batch of songs. There's a common complaint about how certain artists "sold out," "went commercial," or "went soft," and other such grievances. It's one of the most frequent gripes I have observed from these weird music fans.
And although I still don’t give a shit about music, I finally…finally understand this sentiment. I get it now, but with filmmakers.
Yorgos Lanthimos is…well was one of my favorite modern filmmakers in terms of true and unfettered wankability. I am so bummed I didn’t get this Exotic job until after Poor Things was released. If ever there was a five-eggplant movie, it was that one. I nutted three times during that film. A masterpiece.
Now, to be fair, Yorgos has been hit or miss. The Lobster had some fuckscenes but were pretty tame. The Killing Of A Sacred Deer didn’t have a lot of nudity but tons of horny scenes, plus the situations were top-notch—anesthetized play, teenage bedroom play, etc. Dogtooth has actual penetration shots. Kinds of Kindness has a brief but very graphic orgy scene, plus you get to finally see Hunter Schafer's titties! God, you can’t beat nubile natural titties! The Favourite also had a bunch of tits and fuckscenes.
Like these weird music fans, I was indeed a fan of Yorgos’s earlier work. And, like weird music fans, I was very excited for his next movie. His third with Emma Stone, knowing she got properly nude in the previous two movies of his she was in. Plus, the marketing was all too promising. She's chained up in a basement and covered in cream? Plus, a lot of honey imagery? Was this movie going to outdo Poor Things, where you got to see inside Emma Stone?
SPOILERS AHEAD
It didn’t. You don’t get to see any of Emma Stone. You don’t get to see any nudity whatsoever. There’s one scene near the end where two dead teenagers are on top of each other, implying they died during sex, but the tits are covered. You can only see dude ass.
Again, Yorgos is great at horny situations. The scene wasn’t long enough, but I appreciate he once again mined teenage bedroom boning with this bit. I did get a little hard.
And the setup is horny. Not gonna lie, Emma's creamed-up, shaved look is…hot. As is her apparent nudity under the big coat, especially the fact that she's chained up. She also does a lot of crawling around, which was definitely tapping into that classic Yorgos pervy aesthetic.
But alas. Not one tit. Not one bare ass. Not one bush. Not one (alive) fuck scene.
I get it now. I get what these weird music fans go on and on about when they complain about the new albums not being as good as the old ones.
What happened, Yorgos? Why?
It seemed like these flesh-filled films were critically acclaimed! And did well at the box office. There was no need to prude it up to sell more tickets and get more awards. He’s been at the Oscars for years now. Emma Stone won for the role where she was basically naked the whole time.
I don't get it. I don't see the point in covering up now, after you've kicked open the doors and allowed movies to show some skin again.
Apparently, this movie was a remake of some weird, low-budget Korean movie. Maybe since the original didn’t have any nudity or fuck scenes in it, Yorgos wanted to make some kind of faithful adaptation? But this is no excuse. This would be an opportunity. Take a movie where you like things like…story or theme or those other non-wankable parts of a movie, and then load it up with boobs and boning! That seems like something Yorgos I know would do. “Huh, I like this old Korean movie. What a concept. You know what it could use? Emma Stone's tits, ass, and bush. Plus a bunch of scenes of her fucking.”
What happened to you, Yorgos? You used to be cool.
I prefer your earlier work.
1/5 eggplants
Ian Sellwood is a voice actor, comedian, and certified Sigma Male from Lake Oswego. He frequently contributes content to Mr. Skin and is highly active on 4chan. He can be reached at iancel@xmag.com
