I have been realizing, more as of late, that there are many things I had previously thought of as enjoyable, laughable, believable, a good time, and tiring in a good way, that I now regard as…I suppose the best way of putting it is how I talk to myself about it in my head: “Well, this is a thing.” The “thing” being whatever took place that I was a part of at that time, and the “well” being my nonverbal explanation of how I felt about it. It’s a bit saddening that I’ll never believe in Santa again, or that my dad really did write all the songs to Pink Floyd’s albums (my dad wasn’t even old enough for that). It also leaves me with a bit of longing for the times when I thought pretending I had huge boobs with blown-up balloons and hanging upside down on the monkey bars was a good time.
Now, I just have real boobs that I can’t just take out of my shirt and “go back to normal,” and I don’t even know where the closest monkey bars are, let alone school—probably a good sign. I’m not a creep. I’ll never know where your kids go to school. I just want to figure out where the monkey bars are, so I can try to hang off of them one more time. One more time before probably breaking my neck, and that’s that. I’d regret nothing. But besides monkey bars and balloon boobs, let’s view some things I thought were so great back whenever that was, and perhaps you did as well, and see if our opinion changed on it now that you’re probably a grown-up.
Running
The feeling of getting out of my desk, nearly pushing the thing over, as I raced to the door with 20 other kids to try and get outside and make it to the swings before they were all taken. It was a rush of adrenaline, so much so that the teachers had to put a stop to it and force the “no running to the door” policy on us. Instead, they had us line up at the door like a bunch of anxious turkeys, jabbering and screaming at one another, forgetting the rain or that we might want a jacket. That would have cost too many seconds. Life is pretty much over by then. Once out of the door, another burst of adrenaline as we all run towards the playground, too many running to the swings, so some had to go with their second choice. Running around like lunatics, screaming about running, then running more and screaming about it. Such a great time. I’d like to try reenacting this to see how I feel about it now.
Light shows
I had the honor of attending the Winter Light Festival this last month with a dear friend and her son, and saw some truly amazing, awe-inspiring pieces of art. Some more interactive than others, like this light-up, giant, steam-punk-looking squid that you could control with these levers, that we were all warned not to pull “too hard, or else…” I wanted to control this giant squid so badly that it was one of the main reasons I was there in the first place. But…the line. The line and all 26 children. I stopped myself from going into that line to wait 20 minutes for 20 seconds of “oooooh neat!” After doing a quick look over of the rest of the exhibits and the patrons, I realized that a good portion of these were tailored towards a younger audience. Not all of them, but a good amount. Now, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t wanting to be entertained. I was… But I guess, as an adult, my limit on how hard I’m willing to go for fun now depends on whether there is a line to get to it.
Sleepovers
Being driven to a friend’s house either by bus or by your parents, and then left there for at least one night, was like being handed the keys to a kingdom only you and your friend had access to. Running around the yard (again with the running), playing Xena Warrior princess (I was always Xena because my friend had blonde hair, obviously), watching Dragon Ball Z because they had cable, then sleeping on a futon on the floor, but not until you both talked about really tiny (now precious), moments of time, that happened that day, which you will never again remember as an adult—eating sweet cereal in the morning, like the Malt-O-Meal giant bags of pretty-much-Captain-Crunch or Lucky Charms, saving those marshmallows ‘til the end, to have the most delicious milk you’ve ever had. Malt-O-Meal brand cereal > name brand. Fight me.
Clouds
I grew up in that in-between time, just before everyone had a cellphone, save for your mom, who kept one for “emergencies.” For young people living in that time, we probably didn’t feel much or notice anything; we were too busy running and screaming for fun, while simultaneously being taught how to type on the computer. The rest of the world was stretched like silly putty through so many technological updates that it was probably hard to keep up. During that time, without a phone, I liked to lie in the grass or dirt and stare at the clouds, sometimes falling asleep until a friend came to scream in my ear (again with the screaming…so much fun).
Road trips
I love road trips, truly. But as a kid, sitting in the back seat with entertainment like coloring books, I-Spy games, or a Game Boy was just another feeling entirely, almost like the trip was better than the destination, depending on the destination. Being entertained in the car should be brought back to life as an adult. Podcasts don’t count, that’s just something for your earholes to have as background, while you start whipping out your adult-style car entertainment. I’m not sure what that would be exactly, and right now it kind of sounds like something dirty. I don’t know, maybe having a stash of games in your brain, like Would You Rather, or maybe karaoke. You could incorporate some other things too, like if someone loses, they have to drive the next hour with their eyes closed while the passenger steers, or whoever wins gets to choose if they take that weird, creepy, alternate route through a solid wasteland. I don’t know, there’s a lot. Or just bring some coloring books. Those are still nice.
So, there we have five things that I can say for certain aren’t the same as they used to be when we were kids. The feelings of joy are still there to an extent, but not nearly at the “times a million” amount that I had as a 7-10-year-old. And for different reasons, revolving strongly around just being glad that I’m not at work at that moment. Something that isn’t even taken into consideration as a kid.
Ah, to be a kid and have the luxury of screaming for joy again, without having the office freak out or your boss fire you for disrupting the workflow.
Hannah One Cup can be found frolicking in the park she found by her house, while trying not to scream for no reason, just to see how it feels. She is still looking for monkey bars that are not on school property near her. All while being totally aware of the impending doom being forced upon us at any given time. She can be found on Facebook by her name and on TikTok as @thursdaynight_depression.
