April brings a lot of things to the table, like ham, painted eggs, chocolate, Jesus (I guess? Maybe this year…), rain, and that one special day of the year where everyone gets together secretly, by themselves, in windowless rooms, to plan massive power outages, national treasure robbery, resurrections, or some joke-equivalent, to unsuspecting people. I’ve never been good at it—April Fool’s Day, I mean. I always thought it required someone a bit meaner and more confident than I was, so every time I’d try to pull a prank, I’d immediately back out of it, tell the “victim” I was lying, and apologize. Such a waste of energy and a massive source of undue stress on my part, feeling like an awful human being. But, being an adult, I’m now calloused to all that and couldn't care less if someone believes me or not. Which is probably why these next April Fool’s pranks landed themselves in the “fail” category. Personally, I find most of these hilarious or at least chuckle-worthy. But there’s always that Karen and Todd Pilgrimman-man, who just want to ruin everything for everyone. Thanks to them, we have this list of pranks that were considered failures by everyone. In no particular order—please enjoy.
In 1996, Taco Bell ran ads in multiple major newspapers claiming it had purchased the Liberty Bell and renamed it the Taco Liberty Bell. Apparently, a few politicians called the National Park Service to ask why the hell a national treasure was being sold to a place that sold things called Gorditas. In defense of Taco Bell, their ads claimed they were trying to help the national debt by buying our nation’s “prized stuff,” so you can’t be too upset by that, right?
In 1980, a news caster in Boston, Massachusetts (you don’t want to know how long it took me to spell this state correctly. It’s embarrassing, really…I almost shortened it to Mass. just out of laziness and unwillingness to use auto-correct), gave a startling news report about the Great Blue Hill in Milton. 600 million years ago to this day (or in the relative ballpark—time’s tricky and mostly relative), Great Blue Hill was an actual volcano that spewed lava and everything. Today, it’s a hill, just like the name suggests. Well, that local news caster decided to claim it was now erupting, showing pictures and footage of lava flowing from an unnamed source. This scared quite a few folks in the area, obviously. It’s just a bit ominous that Mt. Saint Helens ended up popping her top just a month and change after this joke.
The UK and their sense of humor have always been love or hate with anyone who has not grown up in the UK or watched the BBC on TV for some reason. You either get it, or you don’t. And even if you do, it might not be your cup of Earl Grey. Such is the case with this prank pulled in 2015 by the Manchester Police Department, who made a tweet, stating in so many words, “If you know a prisoner you would like to see out of prison, you can vote for them here! The winner gets a holiday!” The tweet appears to have been removed and all but taken away from the internet, but let’s just say that there were a lot of people calling and complaining about this official announcement, due to some of them having children who had been murdered by these individuals. Yeah, I’ll say this is one of those times I just won’t understand British humor, and it looks like others didn’t take to it either.
In 2013, a Tennessee resident by the name of Susan called her sister up, stating she had killed her husband, was cleaning up the evidence, and needed help burying the body. Her sister, not taking into account the day of the year, only thought back to those times she remembered Susan and her husband having marital spats, so she took it upon herself to call another relative and divulge what was said to her about the murder. That relative decided they couldn’t let the family get away with murder, so they called the cops on Susan. When the sister and cops showed up, Susan’s husband showed himself to them, proving he was very alive and well. Susan wasn’t arrested, but she was put in the back of a police car for a bit, to sit and think about how she could make next year’s prank go a bit more smoothly. I mean, at least she’s also now aware that none of her family would help with burying a body. So, there’s that. Lesson learned.
Okay, so I think I did save the best for last. It’s also the oldest one on here…
In 1708, the author of Gulliver’s Travels, Jonathan Swift, used a pseudonym, “Isaac Bickerstaff,” to predict that the famous astrologer John Partridge would die on March 29th. On March 30th, there was an anonymous letter confirming Partridge’s apparent “death”. On April 1st, an individual came and knocked on his door to arrange the funeral. Even though Partridge was still very much alive, predicting his own future in space-time as an astrologer, he spent years convincing people that he was not a ghost. Years. He died 7 years later, still not knowing who the heck Isaac Bickerstaff was, the man who probably nearly ruined his social life, and on his deathbed, convincing people that he was not a ghost. I keep thinking of that story about Jesus in a cave, blocked by a boulder, waiting it out a bit, still alive, and then popping back out from behind the boulder, like the Fonz or Kool-Aid Man, alive and well, thumbs up, wearing cool sunglasses or something, telling people he came back from the dead. It’s just like that, yeah.
I mean…what kind of particular dick do you have to be (apparently Jonathan Swift…er, Isaac Bickerstaff), to announce to the public that someone’s dead, never say “PSYCH!” or come out to the person you falsely accused of being dead to at least shake hands and chuckle together or something. It’s like a weird secret he kept to himself forever. Or at least didn’t tell Partridge about.
I want to end this article by saying I don’t think there is such a thing as a bad joke. Jokes are inherently funny to at least one person, the one making the joke. If it makes you laugh and isn’t causing harm to anyone, at least no mental harm that can’t be undone, go ahead and buy that Liberty Bell or claim to purchase all of the cows in Wisconsin to be set free in Idaho. Stating you murdered someone to a family member or friend might be taking things a bit far, and I might tone down the tweets about letting out violent prisoners for a “holiday”, but that’s just my two cents. Two cents that might be worth more someday! Haha….I hope I become a millionaire on April 1st so that I can tell everyone I’m a millionaire but have no one believe me.
Hannah One Cup can be found researching other failed jokes on the internet and wondering about why the Dewey Decimal system is still being used. Her ADHD is kicking in, so she’s going to end the article here. Also, the ice cream man just passed by the house, so she is about to go run out and grab one before he’s gone. Stay aware of your holidays, except Easter, that one is just whenever ham is on sale. And stay sexy!
