Smoking Grass: A History of Lawnmowers
Anyone with a sizeable patch of grass probably has a lawnmower, unless they're some kind of savage who likes their yard to look like a jungle. We take mowers for granted, since they've existed for all our lives. However, where did they start? In the words of the Talking Heads, "Well, how did I get here?" This might seem like a dumb topic, but there is a lot of odd history here, so let's go through the timeline.
The Very First (1830)
When the Industrial Revolution hit society like a freight train, and, er, provided us with freight trains, some Englishman named Edwin Beard Budding (no, not the guy who makes suspicious processed meats) was thinking to himself, "Fuck cutting grass," as the primary method to do so involved scythes. He said to himself, "Leave that shit to the Grim Reaper, I can do better." He did. He had seen a cutting cylinder at a tailor's, used to make wool nice and not nappy. Hmm. Yes. So he stuck one on a wheeled contraption, and it was pitched initially to mow sporting grounds. It caught on. Well-cared-for lawns were also a status symbol back then, so the affluent people bought these up in spades. He patented it in 1830. Of note, he also invented the crescent wrench.
Alexander Shanks (1853)
No, he didn't make shanks. He wanted to make an improved lawnmower for the purpose of weed farming. Well, hemp farming. At the time, hemp was popularly used to make cloth. He patented his new device as "Improvements in machinery for preparing and dressing hemp." Dude, just call it "weed machine," and we know he was getting the bud. Think about it. He hooted some and was like, "What if I improved the lawnmower and made it for hemp?" By the way, it's called "hemp" because it originated from Old German "hanapiz," which was translated to Old English (not the malt liquor, but I'm sure some hooch may have been involved), as "henep," which leads us to the modern English term "hemp."
Thomas Green (1855)
The general consensus among historical lawnmower enthusiasts, and yes, that is a thing, was that Green patented Shanks' lawnmower in England, with some improvements. However, this was not some shady deal; they had an agreement, but he still marketed it as his own. Shanks had the patent in Scotland, and Green had the patent in England. Everyone is happy, I guess, but Green did say he was the only one who made them. Kind of a dick move, if you ask me. He once also tried to pick a fight with a monkey at a zoo.
Those standards remained relatively unchanged until the 20th century.
Ransomes (1902)
One Robert Ransome invented a steam-powered lawnmower in 1856, but it quite literally weighed a ton, and looked like an engine of war, not lawn care. It was this big bitch of a thing, and you had to constantly throw coal into it. It was not a big hit. However, in 1902, he invented the gas-powered lawnmower. It was still a big-ass bitch and made of cast iron, but it didn't weigh a ton. Despite its cost (£137 in 1902—about £15,000 today, which is $22,000 in Freedom Money), it sold fairly well, and the Ransomes Company makes lawnmowers to this day, focusing on electric mowers and all that fun horse shit.
Edwin George (1919)
Apparently, the first thing you do after a World War is mow the lawn. Colonel Edwin George decided he wanted to make lawn mowers and sell them. He certainly did. He called it a Moto-Mower, and it was popular until the '50s, when there was an explosion of cheeky fuckers trying to get in on the game.
Briggs and Stratton (1920)
Briggs and Stratton tried to make their own offshoot, and did so, but they did mostly "okay" when it came to sales. Then came 1953, when they developed a lightweight aluminum (yeah, aluminum, not aluminium, you British weirdoes), and then their sales went crazy. Lightweight, easy to use. Almost like what we know today. They used to kick their employees in the crotch if they didn't make sales, though. Yet they are still around today, and still make lawnmowers. Not sure if they still kick people in the crotch, and their PR department refuses to answer my questions. They also made a six-wheeled gas-electric car, which was the first hybrid, in 1980.
Lazy Man's Power Mower (1961)
Now this, this fucking thing. Developed in 1957, but proper production started in 1961. Have you ever imagined if the Jetsons had a lawn and weren't living in the Space Needle? This is how they'd mow it. It was a ride-on mower with an aircraft-style steering lever. Nothing new at that point. However, according to the press release, it could do anything besides give you oral sex.
To sum up the press release, here are the things it can do.
The 1957 Power Mower of the Future was equipped with a plastic dome, air foam cushion seat, electric generator, running lights, radio, air conditioning, telephone (not sure how that worked…long cable that can't be cut by a lawn mower?), and a cooling system to provide a chilled drink on a hot day. It can be used for many purposes, such as mowing, weeding, feeding, seeding, spraying for insects, plowing snow, and hauling equipment. It can even be used as a golf cart.
Damn. Where did we turn sideways? We could be mowing the lawn in air-conditioned bubble domes, sipping cold drinks, and can't hear our wife yelling at us because we ran over her garden gnome.
Small Mower Era, 1961-Current
Technical innovation in the field (no pun intended) of mowing lawns seemed to have peaked with the advent of lightweight gas push mowers, but we also have electric ones now, because why use polluting petroleum products when we can strip-mine rare earth metals and make batteries? Toro seems to be leading the pack, though I wonder if a red-colored lawn mower is referential to bullfighting in some way. "Toro, toro!" "Aw shit! A bull is chasing the lawnmower!" All jokes aside, I can, with confidence, say those battery-powered lawnmowers suck out loud. I can add more gas to the regular kind if it runs out, and be ready to go. If my battery runs out, well, guess I'm gonna do my laundry, jack off, and make dinner while it charges.
Before researching for this article, I did not realize just how long lawnmowers have been around. Your great-great-great-grandfather could have had one if he had the dosh. This topic was suggested to me by a friend because I was talking about mowing what little grass is left in my yard, but as a joke. However, write something ridiculous? Don't threaten me with a good time.
Keep your lawns tidy, friends.
-Wombstretcha
Wombstretcha the Magnificent is an avid lawn care enthusiast, bubble dome envier, gas-powered writer, and retired rapper from Portland, OR. He can be found at his website, Wombstretcha.com, on Twitter/X/whatever as @Wombstretcha503, and on MeWe and (begrudgingly) Facebook, as "Wombstretcha the Magnificent."
