Some months are more productive than others, and that goes without saying. The reasons for this vary from person to person. For me, personally, it has a lot to do with the number of thoughts rambling around in my brain at once, each trying to fight for supremacy and rule over what I obsess over that day, week, or month. I’ve been trying to get better at writing things down so that I don’t forget what I was thinking was important at that time. But that absolutely is not a realistic request of someone with ADHD and other undiagnosed underlying mental health conditions. I also tend to write like Bret Easton Ellis and make myself sound like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, thanks to my train-of-thought style of writing. I believe I went into this a bit in a past article, where I went over what the ‘Notes’ section in my phone looked like. A lot of nonsense, even to myself. The issue with notetaking is that if I don’t remember that I’ve written it down, I won’t recall the context for why it’s in my Notes, and I'm then left with half-ass thoughts like “Aisle 001, Bay 17,” which I assume is related to something at Home Depot, but I’m not about to go check, at this point. That note is 4 months old, so it matters little. Probably.
This month’s thoughts revolved a lot around my friends, who are all making me poor because their birthdays are in June or July. One is in October. That’s the outlier. I then started pondering their moms and how they must have all been huge hoes during Halloween, or they were really into the romance of candy corn and decided to have baby sex. This created an abundance of Cancer and Leo babies, and years later, they became my friends after discovering their worst complexes and asking for a light. Pretty sure it’s because, as a Capricorn, I stop them from buying sports cars and/or listen to their concerns while actively mentally trying to solve them without them knowing I did anything…all while neglecting my own downward spiral into the bottomless pit of overspending and self-loathing. I’m not a fraud; I never claimed to be Jesus. You all just come to me for some reason, assuming I have answers to things that you don’t want to ask AI for help with.
Which leads me to the next topic: AI. I have no problem with AI. Used productively and thoughtfully, it can be extremely helpful. Just don’t have it write your music or paint your pictures, hack. I do have a problem with the amount of water it takes to house their giant brains, and I believe this could all be solved if they’d throw the problem out into orbit, as we do with all the thousands of satellites now decommissioned and floating around Earth as space debris. It’s possible, but expensive. Also, my brain often works in simplistic, unrealistic, black-and-white solutions, so take my opinion with large grains of salt. Right now, a single query from AI uses a little over 1 bottle of water (0.5 liters). Jot that down in your notebook, and remember libraries and books still exist. Again, no problem with AI, just the fact that I’ll probably be watching how much water I drink in the next couple of years.
My class never had a high school reunion, and I still keep waiting to see if it will ever happen. Or am I supposed to initiate that crap? Someone is, and it probably shouldn’t be me. I then realized that when I was in high school, none of the classes ahead of me had reunions either. And neither has my partner. I don’t really wonder how everyone is doing anymore because all your faces are on the internet every day, so I don’t really miss you guys that much, sorry, not sorry? I hope you’re all doing as well as you say in your pictures. You do your makeup really nicely, and I love your hair. You’ll have to tell me your secret someday, if we ever have a reunion. Also, how did you end up with that boy from school who used to make fun of you for no reason? You had a baby?! What? Awkward, no, I just have dogs…yeah, that party would be a hoot. I won’t be the one starting that at the local watering hole. What’s local for you now? Oh, still the local watering hole? Okay, cool. Good to see you’ve all grown and stuff.
I watched The Amazing Digital Circus movie and cried more than I ever had in a movie, probably since March of the Penguins. There’s a part in there that really struck a nerve and made me sad, thinking about people I miss that aren’t here anymore. Have you ever gone and thought…they’re gone, and they missed the best part. I wish they had just been able to stick around a bit longer. That’ll get you into a dark place, so don’t stay there. But that’s another reason I take medications. Anyway, let’s deflect…
Shipping costs through Glitch are insane. I had never purchased anything through Glitch before, but they happen to house the majority of the legit collectible items for most of the indie, or YouTube shows you watch, like Helluva Boss, Digital Circus, yada yada yada… They’re based in Canada, but most of the products come from China. And I get trying to recoup your costs and overhead, but $14 for shipping on a keychain that already costs $8.99 is highway robbery. International highway robbery. I realized this has been an issue with consumers for years, and if you go on Reddit (which I never usually do), hundreds of people post the same thing every time a new show comes out that they want memorabilia for. I wrote them an email twice, because I really wanted almost 200 bucks' worth of stuff from the site, you know, to support the actual creator of the show, rather than going through Hot Topic. But shipping was going to be another 79 dollars, and I didn’t want to pay that. I have yet to hear back, and it’s probably the same case for the hundreds of other people also crying about shipping fees. So, I went to Hot Topic. Because I’m not a great person, and an even worse consumer.
So, there you have it. The ramblings of a person who just took their Adderall. I wonder if you all think like this? Can any of you hear your thoughts? Like…do they have voices? Richard laughed when I asked him that, because he thought I was joking. I assure you, I am not. Man, if you read this article, I tip my hat to you. We should probably be friends, because I understand you. I’m pretty sure at least one person out there was like, “This is exactly how I think!” and they will most likely never write to me because they don’t want any new connections they have to respond to. Well, fear not. I probably won’t respond either. So write away, I’ll love you for it. Stay snappy, Portland—and out of the sun. We aren’t built for the sun. You know better than to do otherwise.
Hannah One Cup can be found indoors, one foot from the breeze of an air conditioner, playing video games with her dogs, hoping the magazine's editor enjoys her articles. She sits in anticipatory silence, hands in fists, as she shakes her arms up and down in nervous excitement. Her dogs are judging her constantly. Email her at hannahbird6@gmail.com or find her on Facebook, even though she says it’s dumb.
[Editor’s note: I, indeed, do enjoy the aforementioned articles.]
