Whoever said that “doing things alone isn’t as entertaining as when you’re with another person” had to have hated their own company, and was mostly incorrect. Doing things alone can be deeply satisfying in a way that otherwise would have been hard to feel when you’re with another person. Do you want someone judging your awful guitar and singing skills? Reading your elf fiction novel you’re trying to finish, so you can one day publish it under a secret pen name? How about telling you something’s not salty enough, when you feel like you put an entire salt shaker’s worth of sodium in the berry pie? My guess is you’ll say “no” to all of these, and that it’s pretty obvious you don’t want someone “enjoying” your secret hobbies you never really get better at.
But somewhere along the way, people seem to think that it’s nearly impossible to enjoy doing things alone, versus with friends or a significant other, and it’s more than likely due to being surrounded by them more often than you aren’t. Being alone turns into this switch that makes you afraid of non-existent problems that never existed in your brain before people, but now they do, even though they aren’t real. You start thinking, “This would’ve been more fun with someone.” Or “I can’t possibly finish this salty berry pie on my own.” Or “I want to go eat sushi, but I don’t want to go alone.”
Be not afraid, my woeful, lonesome crawdads! You can do all of those things alone and more! You just need the power of overconfidence!
Overconfidence is a wonderful invention you give yourself when you feel absolutely certain you can’t possibly accomplish something. If you want to get yourself out of the hole you continue digging for yourself, quickly go to a restroom, look in a mirror, and lie to yourself about how awesome you are and how amazing your eyebrows look today. Even though all of those things are true, they probably aren’t to you—so lie to yourself anyway and make it so! Once you’re done taking a normal amount of time to “freshen up” in the bathroom with your own positive affirmations, step out of that hole, and put your shoulders back. Go out in the world and conquer it. Eat that salty berry pie that you confused sugar for salt with. No one else will do it with you.
Pretending to enjoy your own company may need to be practiced a few times before you realize that people are stupid and you are a glimmering, sweet-smelling honeybee who deserves to do all these things on your own without someone judging you for liking yourself. Here are just a couple major areas people suffer with doing alone:
Going Out to Eat – Once you realize that people don’t need to constantly be surrounding you to enjoy a burger, your world will open up. Suddenly, you’ll end up at a bar that you never would have gone to with your friends, because none of them enjoy tabletop games. Walk into the establishment like you were meant to be there, and not like you have no idea where you just warped from. When you notice a seat in the middle of two strangers, sit in it as if it were your own. If a menu confuses you, just ask the server for the dealer’s choice. Then ask them for a board game for one. There are. So. Many. Out there. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up making new friends that do enjoy tabletop games. Or you’ll just dive deeper into your own self-discovery of the joy of being alone.
Vacationing/Travel – For those lucky enough to do either, these activities can absolutely be accomplished solo. In fact, I find a lot of the most satisfying trips I’ve had were when I was with only myself and my dog. I was able to go to places I thought were fun, but that others might not feel the same way about…and I didn’t have to spend my time trying to come up with plans that everyone would enjoy, not just me. If you’re on the cheap and want to get away, Econo Lodges are still fairly affordable and allow pets. I used to venture to Newport, stay at an Econo Lodge, and pretend I was a traveling salesman with my dog, while eating Chinese food in the room. It was great.
Concerts/Shows – Okay, get your ticket. Your single ticket. Now you don’t have to worry about seating another person or two with you, and making sure there are enough spots next to each other. You get to just go and enjoy what you purchased. They could be the worst band in the world, like Nickelback, or that blonde, country singer, who’s worth billions of dollars (gross)—but see? You won’t have me there saying “gross.” You’ll be in the crowd crying and woop-wooping with joy that you were able to be there. It’s a very visceral feeling when you finally realize that you can freely enjoy something without fear of being judged.
Cooking at Home – This, I feel, is harder to do alone than the rest. People love pleasing others, more so than they enjoy pleasing themselves sometimes. And that comes into play big time with cooking—at least for me and most of the people I surround myself with when I’m not alone. When alone, I’ll generally try to find some very easy ingredients, whip something up in 4 minutes, and then scarf it down, because I didn’t plan on taking time to enjoy the meal. But when you have someone to cook for, you want to make sure they savor and enjoy the love you put into each thing. The easiest way to try getting over this backward thinking is to pretend you’re royalty and also the chef, and you are cooking your dish exactly as you would have it. It also makes it easier if you start with things that can easily be cooked quickly. Like pasta and chicken. Just buy more spices for your meals and try them out. You can literally make Greek chicken or Japanese-style popcorn chicken with 3 different spices and some flour. Eventually, you may want to start adventuring into cookbooks or websites, and trying to gain some new skills. Good, use them on yourself. Pretty soon, when you have someone else over, you’ll be reaching in the cabinet for your Hamburger Helper because you ate your delicious Karaage chicken, rice, and broccoli yesterday evening, alone. “Sorry, I’m not much of an entertainer,” you’ll say.
And with that, I just want to say that doing things alone should be enjoyed more by everyone. It shouldn’t be stigmatized, and you shouldn’t feel out of place for doing so. Enjoying your own company is what eventually leads you to knowing what you want out of life, and what you want others to bring to your table—literally, since you ate all the good food by yourself. So get out there, you. Nah, I won’t be joining you—I’ll be doing my own thing, alone. Let’s all be alone together. One big, happy group of folks in the PNW, just out there doing our own things, probably lookin’ at birds and stuff. Just enjoying what it’s like to be with ourselves.
Hannah One Cup can be found indoors, one foot from the breeze of an air conditioner, playing video games with her dogs, hoping the magazine's editor enjoys her articles. She sits in anticipatory silence, hands in fists, as she shakes her arms up and down in nervous excitement. Her dogs are judging her constantly. Email her at hannahbird6@gmail.com or find her on Facebook, even though she says it’s dumb.
Hannah One Cup can be found lookin’ at birds and stuff, and wondering things like why sugar or salt can’t be given a color to distinguish the two more easily. You can find her on Facebook, TikTok @thursdaynight_depression, or email hannahbird6@gmail.com
