month we learned that DebraJean was hospitalized after
an attempt on her life was made at the Chuckle Den comedy
club during her performance. She was admitted to Schwartzberg
General Hospital in Los Angeles in serious condition.
It's been a month of healing, and our heroine is still
bedridden in the Misery Factory but is now in stable condition.
She has taken time for us in between slipping in and out
of a coma to answer some of her fan mail in lieu of her
usual stunning political commentary.
DebraJean: As an American Eskimo, I was personally outraged
by last month's column, "My Racist Stand-Up Act." Just
who do you think you are? I would personally come down
to Portland in my fancy sports car to kick your little
behind all over the streets, but I've put on so much weight
in the past few years to keep out the cold that I'm stuck
in my igloo. Bitch! --Kel-C P.
Stuck in your igloo...that's harsh. Why bother with the
car, I'm sure you won't be able to fit into that either,
you sweaty-faced Ice Gook. --djd
Your portrayal of blacks as insensitive lovers was not
just racist in the worst way but also ridiculous. I eat
my Nubian Queen's Chocolate Salmon Birthday Cake almost
every night...even when it's covered in cherry sauce.
I'm proud of you for taking a stand on something that
has been a problem for your race since you crawled out
of the swamps. Rah! --djd
Cunt: You're a complete piece of shit. Even a magazine
as reprehensible as Exotic should know better than
to put that racist drivel in between their pages. You
should know that racialism is the worst crime that can
be committed. Worse than forced amputation, worse than
hit-and-run auto attacks on bicyclists, and even worse
than violence against women. I hope that you get raped
by a gang of roving street blacks and contract the AIDS
all up inside of you. --Moral Human
sure I will, as soon as I regain the strength to walk.
Danger: How dare you leave Samoans out of your tirade?
The only way Samoans will ever receive the respect that
other...and may I say lesser...races find in abundance
is if you include us in your insults. The Samoans are
an ancient and mighty race and deserve the attention of
people like you.
--The Samoan Love Rocket
here it goes...I'm sorry...awww...I just can't do it...y'all
big fat Islanders are so jolly, I can't help but love
You have the blood of every race-related crime on your
writing stuns me. Elegance with such a stunning economy
of words. I am proud to have you writing to me. --djd
I have never been a victim of racism but feel very strongly
about the subject. I don't know if you comprehend what
you are doing. You are fueling a fire of hate, spicing
a stew of ignorance, and frosting a cake of intolerance.
Your words have meaning, and the meaning is not always
what you intended. Every person has feelings, and you
should learn to respect them. Or some day you might turn
colored. --Rachel Burns
mighty fighting prospect indeed...turning colored. God
would reach down out of the sky and brush his palm over
my forehead, searching for the fever of racism and turn
me into a hunchbacked mystery mudslide of a person. A
romantic idea, indeed. --djd
I know where you live and I'm coming to kill you. You
deserve to be shot. You aren't even a woman; your uterus
will rot out between your legs. --The Avenger
you think you could tell me the exact day that this whole
rotting and killing thing will happen? The reason I ask
is because I sit with a sewing circle every third Thursday,
and this time around we are using my living room.