: November 2002: The Jack Shack
roll across the screen so fast it's like watching
grass under the blades of a lawnmower--shaved
white slots chugging down black cocks in BEVERLY
HILLS 9021-HO (Celestial Productions),
surfer girl Lana Rose's pussy-pounding eruptions
in UP AND COMERS 105 (Randy West
Productions), reverse cowgirls elongated into
swirls of wha waz that? by an overzealous
use of a fisheye lens in BRING 'EM YOUNG
9 (Anabolic Video), and a tale of money/power/sex
about a global coffee plutocrat's propensity
for toe-sucking that leaves him open to a shakedown
from Nikita Denise as a Russian spy in THE
MERGER (Adam & Eve).
to check out the news.
on my other TV, Shagraa "the blonde" lets us
Hussein needs Viagra to get it up. Her real
name is Parisoula Lampsos, and she was Saddam's
off-and-on mistress for thirty years until she
escaped out of Baghdad. She's in her fifties
now, still looks pretty foxy, and it's good
to know Saddam gave his mistress a porn-queen
name. That might be the best way to keep him
tame. Like any other guy, Saddam's nukes can't
match the power of a porn queen. She's the ultimate
weapon of mass destruction.
an eye on Shagraa, I slipped in HIGH DESERT
DREAM GIRLS (VCA) featuring a bevy of
sultry bods already trained in Desert Storm
anals. Shagraa didn't say if Saddam is into
the crap shoot, but one might infer that, given
his propensity to buttfuck the Kurds and launch
ballistic missiles into Saudi Arabia, Israel,
Kuwait, and Iran.
met Saddam at a party in 1968, and the first
thing he said to her was, "You are going to
be the fisherman's bite tonight." The bitch
went for it. She led a pretty good life as the
princess in the palace until her fifteen-year-old
daughter got raped by Udey, Saddam's son. "After
the rape of my daughter, I felt hatred for him,
and when I slept with him I felt I was being
almost as preposterous as the story line in
HIGH DESERT DREAM GIRLS. But the script
about a photojournalist bouncing around in the
desert sands doesn't stand in the way of some
admirable triple teamwork from Chandler, Kelsey
Heart, and Chaynes. Let's slip the triple team
into Saddam's palace in the dead of night. I'm
sure he'd like them even more than the Frank
Sinatra music, which is so cool it gets him
doing the foxtrot.
better yet, send in a spy who could pass in
Baghdad as Stacy, a Middle Eastern teen who
gets her first assfuck in TRAINED TEENS
(Evil Empire). Stacy walks around in a parking
lot looking for her friend. Mr. Nerd arrives,
blabs at her for a while, then says "bad things
can happen to teenagers." Stacy says yeah, but
she's not worried, she's just looking for her
friends. Mr. Nerd asks if she wants to ride
around in the parking lot and look for them.
She says sure. Happens like that all the time
when you try to pick up a cute chick in a parking
gets in his truck and he hands her a Buttman
magazine, always a good way to impress
a girl. She flips through the mag and is shocked:
"These chicks are buttfucking!" followed by
"What is that in her ass?"
Nerd helpfully explains it's a dildo, says
he's got more mags at his house, and asks
if she'd like to see more of his collection.
Oh, but of course. She sucks him off a bit
in the truck, then it's off to his place for
the usual round of sucking, eating, and buttfucking.
thought maybe he'd ask her something about
her ethnic background, since the box cover
highlights the fact this is a Middle Eastern
teen's first fuck. Maybe even ask her if she
got frisked at the airport for box cutters.
But no. We know nothing about her except she
likes to get picked up in parking lots. But
I guess it's too much to ask for porn to touch
on real life in the walk-along interviews
that proceed walking up a stairway, going
inside, doing a quick strip, and then settling
down to business.
TRAINED TEENS wound down, I rummaged
around in the closet for more vids. I ran
across a couple in the GUTTERMOUTH series
from JM Productions. Jack Shack will share
with all of you the blurb sent along with
the vids from Nelson Ayala, JM's PR guy: "Hey,
Fuckface, listen up!!! Guttermouths 26,
starring JM's official fucking whore, Keegan
Skyy, will be available on 9/23. Guttermouths
26 also features pretty little fuckhole
Drew Allen in her most colon-twisting performance
ever! Don't be a stupid fuck, you stupid fuck.
Order your copies today. And don't miss Guttermouths
5 on DVD which gives you more stroke value
than you can shake your fucking dick at. JM
Productions thanks you fuckers for your fucking
support. Now, fuck off!"
thank you, JM, for your warmth toward porn
2002 X Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. copyright | trademark | legal notices