"Can we, as a country, all
: April 2003:Sex
and Science with Dr. Ed!
love Viagra day at the clinic. Our wonderful Pfizer representative
comes by with a crate of samples that I promptly lock
up, and we are bestowed pens, watches, mouse pads, clocks
and other knick-knacks that are spewed out of Pfizer's
Indonesian trinket sweatshops. All this is done to drive
home the brand-recognition of what is arguably the world's
best impotence treatment. I always feel the eyes of jealous
scrutiny as the staff longingly watches the crate of samples
disappear into the locked narcotics closet. Just like
Vicodin, this stuff has a strange way of evaporating into
Like a lot of
good inventions, the discovery of Viagra's effects were
accidental. During the initial trials as a blood pressure
medication, some astute egghead noticed that a lot of
candidates in the test group were sporting more wood
than their counterparts in the placebo group, and as
a result, testing on erectile dysfunction (ED) began.
The rest is history. The stuff hit the market and saved
an entire generation of spoiled baby-boomers from the
mental anguish of their own faltering libidos, spawned
an entire culture of recreational use among clubbers
and bestowed a few chronically ill septuagenarians one
last sexual frenzy before their pre-existing conditions
killed them inflagrante.
by inhibiting the PDE-5 molecule. I'd give you the
full scientific name and explain the biochemistry behind
it but by the time I got done you'd either be catatonic
or lose all interest in this article. The short version
is that Viagra allows Nitric Oxide (NO) to cause prolonged
vasodilation of blood vessels in the penis.
In terms of dosing,
I start most limpies off at 50mg, which is the standard
blue rhomboid tablet that is ubiquitously displayed
in men's "health" periodicals. It should be taken an
hour prior to activity and on an empty stomach since
fat molecules can theoretically slow the absorption
of the drug. Maximum effect is generally reached within
an hour and persists for up to 8 hours.
Now listen up
because this is the important section about side effects
and pitfalls. First, priapism can occur in rare cases.
This is an erection that actually cuts blood flow off
to the penis, and requires immediate intervention. Second,
because of its ability to dilate blood vessels, Viagra
can work synergistically with other nitrate containing
hypertension medications or amyl nitrate "poppers" and
cause a precipitous drop in blood pressure. Mild headaches,
runny noses and a slightly blue tint in the visual field
are all temporary and common side effects.
A lot of people
ask me about the rare deaths that are loosely attributed
to Viagra. Most of these occurred in old men who had
bad hearts or numerous health problems. These were the
types of patients that couldn't walk across the room
without having chest pain, let alone tolerate the physical
demands of a few minutes of the old in-out. There were
also a couple of cases where dipshits took Viagra with
amyl nitrate, crashed their blood pressure and died.
pestered for samples, mostly from my friends with
irritatingly overactive libidos or others who are unable
to conjure up a palatable mental image to cover up the
erection-killing flaws of their partner. Then there
are the middle-aged, divorced, baby-boomers. I must
admit that listening to these guys whine inspires both
revulsion and a shabby sense of superiority. I don't
prescribe the stuff to anyone who's got any health problems.
Funny thing is that the pushiest sample-nags are middle-aged
men, a lot of whom are broken, divorced lonely sods
who inevitably pursue women half their age. They are
struggling to understand the utter mediocrity their
lives have devolved into-guys whose greatest moments
occurred on high school football fields, guys who are
broken by alimony payments and dead-end middle-management
jobs and guys who are not only sexually impotent but
socially impotent as well. For this group Viagra has
the same cachet that cigarettes have in the prison system.
I got a discount on my tires from a guy who was too
ashamed to get his own samples.
The other sample-nags
are the sex maniacs--greedy bastards who have to stick
their weenies into every available orifice.
Then there are
the guys who ask about snorting Viagra with X; they're
usually wearing puka shells and driving a lowered
Don't get me
wrong, there are men who actually need the stuff.
While there are no hard [ha-ha] numbers on how many
American men suffer from erectile dysfunction, estimates
put it at close to one-third. However, I have to say
that the majority of the Viagra use I've seen has
been recreational. Blue Thunder, V-Bangers... whatever
you want to call it, Viagra makes a shitload of money
for Pfizer at seven bucks a pill.
ask me for any if you're getting laid more than I
am. I do have my pride you know.
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