Exotic Magazine Online Uncovering adult entertainment online since 1993
"Can we, as a country, all agree

xmag.com : May 2003: What's Your Fucking Problem?

I recently had the good fortune to host a radio program with Tristan Taormino (see feature). Tristan was here to discuss her new book, True Lust, and to plug her website, puckerup.com. I was there to talk about music, but when she pulled out a red butt plug the size of an artichoke, that went out the window. Turns out Tristan holds the title "Anal Queen," so for the rest of the show, all we talked about was butt sex and nuthin' but butt-sex.
I love anal sex. It puts a big smile on my face and I'm in the best mood for days afterwards. It's rough, it's nasty, it can hurt a little bit and it turns any sweetheart of a man into a seething, fucking animal. Mmmm, yessir, this little slut loves the stuff... But while Tristan and I rambled on about the glories of cornholin', I realized the male host was uncharacteristically quiet. His fiancee (who was in the studio) was enjoying the conversation and made it clear to us that she was booty curious, but her man wouldn't give in to her dirty yearnings.
We rode him a little about it but he couldn't say why it turned him off specifically. We offered ideas and advice, but he just turned crimson and stammered, "Come ON you guys! Leave me alone! GAWD!"
Very little shocks me, but this was a big surprise. I thought all guys wanted to go in through the out door. It's the standard set by current pornography and just about all Howard Stern talks about, for cripes sake! The ultimate conquest! What gives?
After some deep meditation on what kind of man won't plow the back field when begged, I realized that some men may suffer from what I call Negative Empathetic Response Disfunction. These men can't fathom screwing their girls in the ass because they can't deal with the idea of someone doing it to them. They can almost feel the Big Meat poking in just thinking about it, and it scares them. Maybe begging for a cock in the crapper is like saying "Hey, faggot, wanna bend me over and be the Burt to my Ernie?"
Or he might just be afraid of touching poop.
I say get over it. If your woman wants to go Roman and you want to please her, here are some things you can try to get through whatever fear of the rear you may have.
#1. ANAL PORN. Good porn with lots of hot anal action can get you used to the idea. I recommend European porn from the Private collection. Who cares what they're saying, those beauties LOVE a big cock in their ass, and it always ends up there. Try jerking off to it or fucking your girl while it's on.
#2. TOYS TOYS TOYS! Go get some gadgets for that ass, and don't forget the lube! Let her show you what she wants you to do to her. Once you're finally starting to get into the idea, let her fuck you on top with the vibrator on high while still firmly in her pooper. Her pussy will not only feel tighter, it will VIBRATE. Word of caution on this: when doing the vibro-gina, be sure to hang on to that buzzing rocket if she starts to cum. It tends to shoot out during orgasm. I once came so hard that the sucker hit the television across the room, turning it on. Scared the shit outta me. Which reminds me....
#3. Ladies and gentlemen, right at this very moment there's poop in your butt. It doesn't have to get everywhere, though. I clean myself out once in a while with a warm water enema, especially if I'll be begging for an ass-reaming later that night, but that's not necessary (and it isn't healthy to do too often). If you're fairly regular and you've taken a crap recently, your rectum ought to be smooth and cock-ready. However, butts can be testy and unpredictable. So what if it's a little messy.
We all have an asshole. If we didn't we'd be dead. Our butts do a dirty job every day to keep us alive. A little gratitude is in order here. Time to give a little back. And what better way than to pump it full of hot cock meat? Amen and pass the I.D.Glide.






© 2003 Xmag, LLC. All rights reserved. copyright | trademark | legal notices