months ago one of Exotic’s
imitators ran an ad for the Magic
Gardens featuring a statuesque brunette.
She was hot enough, sure, but not
so hot that the little bar should
have to field five phone calls a
day from customers wanting to know
when this gal worked. The answer
was, over and over
again, “She doesn’t
work here! She’s just a model!”
No one could figure out why this
ringer should inspire so much desire.
Then one guy asked, “Well,
are there any other women there
with pubic hair?” Ah ha! It
was the BUSH.
Yes indeed, this girl was wild and
woolly. Exotic doesn’t like
to show snatch as a matter of taste,
but a couple
of the other mags are cover to cover
pussy. The bushy model stood out
like a sore thumb in the midst of
all the bald beauties. But was there
anyone at the Magic with more than
a racing stripe? Nope. Sorry.
There was when I started, however.
Miss Mona Superhero didn’t
tend her hedge. I’ll never
forget her slipping
off her g-string, so sexy, so slow,
and then haughtily displaying her
incredible bush. It was a black
forest, you could get lost laying
down there. Her bush was so bushy
that we dubbed it the “Superhero,”
never seen anything like it before
Because I am completely smitten
with Mona, I’ve tried to maintain
some semblance of pubic hair for
most of my career. Only when I quit
and moved to
New York did I raze the ranch. I
was newly single and figured nobody
would be seeing my stuff for a while,
so I felt safe. But sure enough
the very next night some totally
untimid guy wanted to fondle me
while walking me home through Brooklyn.
He was shocked. “You’re...bald!”
Then he asked if he could eat me
out right there, on the stoop of
an upscale brownstone. Not bad for
a preppy fucker.
Now it’s 2004. I’ve
been bald for three years. The last
bush I’ve seen was at Christmas
when my brother screened the eighties
porn classic G-Point. Where has
all the foliage gone? It’s
a freaking desert out there. So,
I’ve done some
snooping around. Go and see for
yourselves, readers, the
FIVE BUSHES IN PORTLAND.
founder Teresa Dulce is
still shaking it, and sporting an
everfurrier triangle! She claims
it’s in the interest of art,
that she will be modeling soon in
some turn-of-the-century daguerrotype-style
photographs. Who cares!
It’s awesome! Check it out
every other Sunday at Mary’s
2—Morgan Le Fay at
white skin framed by lovely
raven locks cascading off her head...and
3—Rain at the Acropolis.
I have yet to see Rain but the boys
say she’s a
red-hot bush baby.
4—Kira at Magic Gardens.
Gorgeous red hair, old-fashioned
and the cutest smile you ever did
see. And bush!
5—Cherry at Exotica.
The fluffy little kitty is just
the icing on this cake.
HONORABLE MENTION: K.T.
Risk at Mary’s Club. Although
K.T. doesn’t sport much pubic
hair, she has enough to speak her
mind. My personal favorite K.T.
topiary was the smiley face—a
careful rendering of two eyes and
a mouth, out of pubes!