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xmag.com : February 2004: Another Lonely Night

Considering that in any given year, pornland churns out about one porn for every man, woman and child on Earth, I'm certain to have missed a few sure-fire winners. Yet the following five top-of-the-pops inexorably made their way through the chaos of time and space to my lonely TV, and that's saying something.



Fatt Entertainment

Decked out in an array of high end pimp gear, including a purple Versace suit, Ice-T takes top honors for PIMPIN' 101. The star rapper offers up a beginner's guide on how to be a player in the game, control the "bitches" and target the marks. Before hitting the big time, Ice-T was a street pimp. He doesn't say much about his street cred running girls, nor does he dip his stick into any of the porn queens portraying hookers in Pimpin' 101. But we get a glimpse of The Life accompanied by the main draw--a soundtrack with the title song and a batch of tracks by other artists. A great contribution to porn, the game from a player who went on to hit it big.



Shane's World

Coming in a very close second, CAMPUS INVASION was '03s finest marketing scam. The porn crew breezed onto Indiana University's campus and treated a few students to blow jobs in a dormitory. Most of the porn party scenes involved contests between students eating pussy and animal house horseplay with frat rats chugging beer and hooting and hollering "get that nooky," "hit the bull's-eye" and "bite her ass." Bill O'Reilly devoted lots of air time fulminating against porn shot on campus in three different segments over a couple of weeks. That no doubt sent the sales of this DVD soaring. One IU student, called Party Bob, clues us in on campus priorities. He throws his head back in a state of ecstasy while getting a knob job and says, "Fuck class. All they do is talk all day long."



Extreme Associates

Lizzy Borden's bash & slash FORCED ENTRY set a new standard in the galaxy of fatal rottenness. Porn-dude Luciano plays a serial killer who overpowers Jewel De'Nyle, rapes her, pisses on her face and suffocates her with a plastic bag. Next up Taylor St. Claire plays a pregnant girl who gets her stomach beaten in by Luciano and one of his gang buddies, the deranged Mickey G, both of the killers apparently figuring zero population growth is justified by any means necessary. The third scene, the climax so to speak, features Veronica Caine getting cut up with a knife and left in a pool of blood. A PBS crew working on a Frontline documentary, American Porn, visited Borden's set when she was filming the climax. The crew was so appalled by the "gutting" of Veronica they walked off the set. More to the point, they filmed themselves taking a powder which gave their documentary a load of authentic disgust and generated great publicity for Forced Entry, which has now sold over 30,000 copies. It was also among five DVD's listed on a search warrant when 47 Federal marshals and postal inspectors from Pittsburgh blew out to porn valley last summer and raided Extreme Associates.



Gotham Gold

Most of the toe sucking DVD's are pretty similar, but Gotham Gold leads the pack with a lengthy on-going series. I don't imagine many Top Five or Top Ten porn lists would include a footsie DVD, but on Flagstone's lonely nights he frequently dreams of tasty toes. So the fourth spot goes to TOE TALES #73, which features the soft soles and tender toes of Angelique and Barbie Brooks being devoured by foot slaves. Rave on, foot lusters.



Jules Jordan

I include WEAPONS OF ASS DESTRUCTION for one reason: it was one of the few DVD's last year to play off the war in Iraq. Actually, not much of a play except for the title, but at least Jordan made the effort. The porn potential in Saddam Hussein is huge and, so far, squandered. Maybe in 2004.





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