I am not a list-maker by nature, nor am I a listman nor a peddler or purveyor of lists. It would be fair to say that for most of my life, I have been fairly listless. So when the noble editrix of this fair publication asked me for a contribution to this "Top 5" issue, my thoughts turned inward, as they are often wont to do when I am left unsupervised. Rapidly approaching senility, I realize it's time to take stock of my years alive on this ball of clay. Therefore, without further ado, without much fuss, and without even apologizing for turning this in way past deadline because I've spent the past nine weeks constantly engaged in sexual intercourse with a small, witchlike woman, I present five tiny time capsules for you to swallow--five lists of the five most important things to me at five crucial intervals in my life.