Ms. Jackson isn't nasty. Just smart.

Janet Jackson hasn't had a hit in four years. In the mean time, she sees Brittany tonguing Madonna's yob. She sees the thoroughbred butt cheeks of young Beyonce humping out of her filmy costumes. She sees every inch of Christina Aguilera. She sees every stupid hip hop video where bouncy gals of every color--pouring out of their hip huggers and bitty tops--hump everything including the air around them. She sees billboards, print and TV ads where tits and ass rule. Sex in the City, MTV, and any number of reality shows celebrate gold-digging whores as prime time entertainment. Then she sees her weird older brother being charged with intoxicating and molesting little boys. Again.

The phone rings. It's Justin Timberlake, the former Brittany-bangin', fluent-in-ebonics, golden boy-band survivor. He's on top and super famous at present. He thinks it'd be cool if they perform one of his hit songs at half time during the Super Bowl.

THE SUPER BOWL! Everyone watches the Super Bowl! Can I get a 'Hell yeah'? Janet hasn't had a hit in four years. No one's thought about her in a long time. She's gotta make this one count.

Meanwhile the FCC has had the networks on double secret probation, trying to up the fines from $27,500.00 per indecent incident to $275,000.00. Michael Powell, son of Colin and head of the FCC, is the new McCarthy of modern morals who leads the crusade.

We all know what happens next. A flash of tit and suddenly, just like angry villagers in a monster movie, the Highly Offended stream through town with their torches and their bibles, looking for someone to burn for the bobbing brown boobie. Because of this, the networks are now scrambling to clean up their prime time slots. MTV, pretending to actually air music videos, promises to air the raunchier ones between 10 PM and 6 AM. NYPD Blue promises to re-edit a sex scene. The show's creator, Steven Boscho, calls the decision to comply with the tightening leash on decency in entertainment "Lame."

All this fuss over a fading star who, trying to reap the benefits of what has worked for every female artist forever, shows a little skin. Since when does anyone give a fuck about titties? Why now? Is it because she's black? A Jackson? Do we still need to punish her for ever being with that homo DeBarge?

According to Michael, son of Colin and FCC Chief, there was a huge public outcry after the Super Bowl flashing--200,000 complaints at last tally. Sounds like a lot until you look at how many people watched the game--upwards of 90 million according to advertisers. That's one in 450 people. Now, I suck at math, but even I know that's not a huge public outcry.

Regardless of things like truth and character, however, Janet was uninvited to the Grammy's. They were worried she might do something reckless. She was heartbroken. She wouldn't get to help Christina tape her hanky to her new boobs, oil Beyonce's ass, glue feathers to the Outkast dancers or help Lil' Kim pick out just the right pasty. Justin still got to go, even though he was as big a part of the boob ordeal as Janet. But he's on top and, well, Janet hasn't had a hit in four years.

That's the way love goes.