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xmag.com : April 2004 : What's Your Fucking Problem?

A woman was complaining that she met a guy at a bar, took him home, fucked the tar out of him, and then was hurt and offended that he wouldn't spend the night. Call me old fashioned, but agreeing to fuck a stranger is not about quid pro quo, as in "I'll take you home and fuck you if you hold me all night long in appreciation so I don't feel cheap." It's more a fair exchange of you get me off, I get you off and yay! We just got laid.

Alcohol and dim lighting have long been the magical ingredients in 99.9% of all one night stands. Some of us were conceived this way. It's dark, you're a little numb, your boyfriend's a dick, you just got dumped or dissed, you're lonely, horny, bored, whatever. Not all people who go to bars and clubs are looking for cheap, disposable love, but pretty much everyone who is starts there. What is so attractive about these kinds of interactions is there's no bullshit and no expectations. Fuck me, fuck you.

It's a fairly straight transaction. A strange man who goes home with you from a bar doesn't want to go with you to your cousin's wedding, he doesn't want to talk about feelings, nor is he interested in that asshole at work who got promoted over you. He wants to fuck. End of story.

Both men and women will talk and act in a manner to get the desired reaction: to be desired. They both will say what the other wants to hear. The fundamental difference is men are thinking short term, women, a little longer... 'til breakfast at least. This is where the trouble starts. Some women will buy all the lines and crap they're fed by a horny guy (and some guys are so hard up they may even sorta mean half of it). They'll go through the motions and be a big fat slut all night, however, they will be secretly hoping the guy will see something more in them than just getting in them.

Not to say that it's bad or shameful to fuck someone or get 'em off somehow straight off the bat. It's largely untrue that a man won't respect a woman who'll fuck him right away. No, no. He LOVES that you've given it up, and if you're any good, he may be back. But you're not gonna be picking out china patterns with his mom if you have a wet finger up his ass before you finish your second cosmopolitan. If a woman wants to have something a bit more meaningful with a guy, if she's thinking more long term about somebody, she can't play the one-nighter game.

Another thing to keep in mind when he tells you he gives the best foot rubs EVER-- most women get attached quickly through sex. We have that nasty squirt of hormone called oxytosin that is released during arousal, orgasm and--a huge gob--during child birth. It causes us to attach and feel bonded to the lover or child. It's also called the "attachment hormone." Men have it, too, but in much smaller amounts. They have larger amounts of the "fuck everything" and "entitlement" hormones.

So while you're all in the grips of spring fever, go nuts and have your drunken dalliances.... They can be fun and super hot. And so long as you're safe and you go into it honestly, have at it! Fuck and run. Besides, this time of year in Portland, it's kinda nice to do the walk of shame under all those blooming cherry trees.








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