"Can we, as a country, all
: April 2004
: What's Your Fucking Problem?
woman was complaining that she met a guy at a bar,
took him home, fucked the tar out of him, and then
was hurt and offended that he wouldn't spend the night.
Call me old fashioned, but agreeing to fuck a stranger
is not about quid pro quo, as in "I'll take you home
and fuck you if you hold me all night long in appreciation
so I don't feel cheap." It's more a fair exchange
of you get me off, I get you off and yay! We just
Alcohol and dim lighting have long been the magical
ingredients in 99.9% of all one night stands. Some
of us were conceived this way. It's dark, you're a
little numb, your boyfriend's a dick, you just got
dumped or dissed, you're lonely, horny, bored, whatever.
Not all people who go to bars and clubs are looking
for cheap, disposable love, but pretty much everyone
who is starts there. What is so attractive about these
kinds of interactions is there's no bullshit and no
expectations. Fuck me, fuck you.
It's a fairly straight transaction. A strange man
who goes home with you from a bar doesn't want to
go with you to your cousin's wedding, he doesn't want
to talk about feelings, nor is he interested in that
asshole at work who got promoted over you. He wants
to fuck. End of story.
Both men and women will talk and act in a manner to
get the desired reaction: to be desired. They both
will say what the other wants to hear. The fundamental
difference is men are thinking short term, women,
a little longer... 'til breakfast at least. This is
where the trouble starts. Some women will buy all
the lines and crap they're fed by a horny guy (and
some guys are so hard up they may even sorta mean
half of it). They'll go through the motions and be
a big fat slut all night, however, they will be secretly
hoping the guy will see something more in them than
just getting in them.
Not to say that it's bad or shameful to fuck someone
or get 'em off somehow straight off the bat. It's
largely untrue that a man won't respect a woman who'll
fuck him right away. No, no. He LOVES that you've
given it up, and if you're any good, he may be back.
But you're not gonna be picking out china patterns
with his mom if you have a wet finger up his ass before
you finish your second cosmopolitan. If a woman wants
to have something a bit more meaningful with a guy,
if she's thinking more long term about somebody, she
can't play the one-nighter game.
Another thing to keep in mind when he tells you he
gives the best foot rubs EVER-- most women get attached
quickly through sex. We have that nasty squirt of
hormone called oxytosin that is released during arousal,
orgasm and--a huge gob--during child birth. It causes
us to attach and feel bonded to the lover or child.
It's also called the "attachment hormone." Men have
it, too, but in much smaller amounts. They have larger
amounts of the "fuck everything" and "entitlement"
So while you're all in the grips of spring fever,
go nuts and have your drunken dalliances.... They
can be fun and super hot. And so long as you're safe
and you go into it honestly, have at it! Fuck and
run. Besides, this time of year in Portland, it's
kinda nice to do the walk of shame under all those
blooming cherry trees.
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