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"Can we, as a country, all agree

xmag.com : April 2004: Real Trucker Fags

With this issue of Exotic, we bid a somber farewell to Butch and Petey, the sexually confused pair of "Trucker Fags in Denial" who've wormed their way into the hearts, minds, and water-cooler discussions of greater Portland area sex workers--and their esteemed clients--for nearly two-and-a-half years. We take a moment to reflect on their trials and triumphs, their rough 'n' tender lovemaking ... and the sense of poignance and dignified rage they brought to every waking action, whether it was changing each other's tire rims or giving each other rim jobs. Butch and Petey are gone, true, but their muddled ethics, their misguided aggression, and, most importantly, their searing hypocrisy and need to point fingers will continue burning in our hearts like a bad case of acid-reflux disease,

But fret not, ye tiny female reindeer and leaping buck jackalopes who smudge their fingers with each monthly issue of Exotic--a full-length Trucker Fags in Denial comic book is coming in June, to be released by Fantagraphics Books in Seattle. Through a sweeping act of graciousness in keeping with his patrician bearing, Jim Goad will be offering signed copies of this alterna-comic opus on his website, www.jimgoad.com, for a very reasonable price, considering all the work that went into it. It is highly suggested that you visit that site right now and drain your coffers with lavish love offerings to Jim in appreciation for all he means (and continues to mean) to you.

There is no more appropriate place than this, the third paragraph of this article, to reveal for the first time anywhere that Butch and Petey are fictional characters, While the 28 monthly installments of the Trucker Fags saga have involved us so intimately with Butch and Petey that we could feel their hemorrhoid lumps and smell their ball sweat, the sinister truth is that they only exist in the fevered, megalomaniacal mind of Jim Goad, who only dates Jewish gals and therefore can't really be a Nazi and who stopped beating women when he realized it gave them too much attention. The sad, telling truth is that Mr. Goad channeled these characters from a walnut-sized tumor in the back of his brain, relating his troubled visions to artist Jim Blanchard, who rendered the queasily vivid etchings in what is rapidly becoming the most beloved illustrated narrative series since Peanuts.

To reiterate: Butch and Petey are not real. This isn't to say there aren't real characters like them--desperate, self-loathing creatures who need to lash out at others in the same way that sharks need to keep moving lest they die. Guilt-projection is such a universal facet of the human experience that it often escapes notice. So in the sense that Butch and Petey are able to function and prosper by blaming and punishing others for acts which they commit themselves, Butch and Petey are all too real. It might tighten your sphincter to hear this, but there's a little Butch and Petey in all of us.

And yet, despite the author's better wishes, there exist humans who aren't as twisted and damaged and petty as the "homophobic homosexual" truck drivers who've whisked against the collective consciousness of we, the Exotic readers, like one of those Swiffer wet mops on a dirty, dirty floor. Hard as it might be to believe...and even harder as it might be to admit in a steamy locker room filled with naked middle-aged dudes...there are real men who drive trucks, suck cock, and who yet don't feel compelled to engage in homophobic killing sprees.

Many trucker fags...most, perhaps...aren't in denial at all. Many of them are so proud of their lifestyle that they exhibitionistically produce books and films about it. They host websites and discussion boards devoted to unabashed trucker-faggin'. In one extreme case--the Gay Truckers Association (www.gaytruckerassn.com)--they've even founded a fancy legal organization which lobbies on behalf of the Trucker Fag Nation.

The Trucker has been a perennial gay archetype along with Village People-style macho icons such as The Cop and The Construction Worker. Gay literature abounds with titles such as Raunchy Truckers, White Trash Truckers, Hard Dirty Truckers, Truck Me Harder, Truckstop Trash, Truckers and Suckers, and Truckin', Suckin', Fuckin'. An online fiction story called "Trucker Jack Meets Jeremiah" contains this tender line:

Jack had many men fuck him, but never one at seventy years of age with a cock that was the sausage of life.

Gay porn videos bear titles such as The Truck Stop Toilet Tramp and Trucker Daddies ("No rest in the rest areas either!" screams the promo material. "Big Daddy Truckers--hard

greasy action with Big Daddy, Dickson Hills getting sucked good by his sex-crazed ride. Big Daddy Zack supervising hot blowjobs and penetration and recollecting incidents of long haul sex on and off the freeway.")

The Internet, the greatest thing ever invented for perverts, is also no slouch when it comes to the real-life trucker-fagsmanship. A yahoo group called "Hot Truckers in the USA" says it's designed "for male truckers traveling in the USA and the men who love them. Drop some loads along the way. Post here if you want to plan a hot stop on route! Truckers, post your routes, schedules, and stops; or advertise for a traveling buddy. ...Share info about rest stops where you can find hot action (or rest stops where you would like to find it). Big Rig Men (http://www.bigrigmen.com/index.aspx) touts itself as "THE Place to Meet Gay Truckers, Bears and Their Admirers," while The All Bear Truckstop (http://nudesville.com/truckstop/) caters to "Hairy Gay Truckers" with special pages devoted to "Sex in the Truck," "TruckHawks," and "Trucker Cum." And, to the delight of all, our gay trucker friends over at gaytrucker.com recently announced that they'd be reviving their Gay Truckers Classified magazine, which they claim at one time had more than three thousand subscribers.

The Truck Chaser website offers a page devoted to "Cruising Tips"(http://www.truckchaser.com/tuffstruxtop/howtocruz.htm) which should make any wannabe trucker fag's first foray into the "pickle parks" a safer, more enjoyable experience. "Bear in mind that not all drivers are out there to let you suck them off," the page warns, conjuring ominous images of real-life Butch and Petey types. "There are some sick men out there that won't hesitate to put a fist in your face, or hesitate to kill your 'faggot ass.' ...You'd better learn that there are some violently sick homophobic fuckers out there who would rather think with their fists than with their brains." The site also counsels its readers to be respectful of trucker-fag protocol and to treat other trucker fags as they themselves wish to be treated: "YOU MAY BE DESPERATE FOR SOME DICK, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE ONE," reads one wisdom-laden passage.

"I love the outdoors," enthuses Trucker Jeff (www.truckerjeff.com), who can often be found sitting at a computer...or sucking cock...via his webcam. He claims his site "is designed for Gay, Bi & open-minded Straight Truckers, and their admirers, to meet and exchange ideas and friendship." And cock, of course. Jeff, who's been truckin' for seven years, boasts a "32 inch waist going back and forth from 32 to 31" and claims to "love dancing and a good time." I'm sure that somewhere in there, Jeff loves cock, too. Preferably trucker cock.

Norm Flowers, 52, is perhaps the most dedicated of the trucker-fag advocates out there. Based in Nashville, his Gay Truckers Association states its goal "is to provide professional services, resources and programs that promote a professional network that embraces equality for all individuals, especially the LGBT community, families, and allies, in the trucking industry." I have no idea what all that means, but I'm sure it's nice. Flowers claims that the trucking industry discriminates against gays to the point of silently enduring homophobic hate crimes against gay truckers, which at this time are a minority in the trucking demimonde. Norm's Gay Truckers Association, founded in 2000, intends to apply legal force to right the wrongs committed against his gay-truckin' brethren, but it also serves as a long-overdue networking tool for all the lonely trucker fags out there. Flowers says that when he first founded the GTA, he received letters with ecstatic comments such as "Wow, I'm not the only gay trucker out here!" and "I'd sure love to drive with another gay trucker. That way I don't have to listen to some old man bitch about his last four wives,"

God bless you, Norm Flowers, for providing a voice for all trucker fags out there. And God bless all you trucker fags out there, too. You can drive all the trucks and suck all the cocks you want--I won't be offended!

 

 

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