"Can we, as a country, all
here to rain on y'alls parade. I declare without
equivocation that 99% of the armchair political
analysts who bitch and piss and moan about
corrupt, stupid politicians are themselves
WAYYYY too fucked-up to EVER acquire, much
less maintain, anything resembling political
power. So, really, for cunt's sake, all you
career alcoholics and junkies and sex addicts
and welfare cheats who get on a soapbox and
cry about your leaders, I'm here to tell you
that no matter how moronic those leaders may
be, they do a better job at it than you could
ever hope to do, and deep down in your dysfunctional
aortas, you KNOW I'm right. That's the TRUTH,
bitches. That's why they're in power and you're
not. Sorry to break it to you, but somebody
had to do it.
big-eared idiot George W. Bush wins again--this
time by a landslide--it still gives you no
excuse for your shambles of a personal life.
article was initially intended to be a contemplative
rumination regarding a study released a decade
or so ago concluding that Republicans have
sex more frequently than Democrats.
not making this up. I distinctly remember
reading newspaper accounts and seeing TV-news
broadcasts about the study. It shocked many
people at the time, because Democrats, the
insufferably self-righteous pustules that
they are, have convinced themselves that they
are the free-lovin', liberated, loosey-goosey
party and that everyone in the G.O.P. is a
sexually repressed psychopath who ejaculates
at the sight of innocent blood being spilled
and who walks around with a large black dildo
secretly stuffed up their ass.
don't identify with either major US political
party, and I'm
bemused to see people who should have more
discernment fall prey to the divide-and-conquer
scheme which underlies the two-party system.
No matter who you vote for, Republican or
Democrat, it's going to be an insanely privileged
millionaire who is paid even MORE money to
decide in what manner they're going to STEAL
forty percent of your wages. Republicans and
Democrats are merely two puppet fists on the
same predatory monster.
not a Republican or a Democrat. I'm a felon
who isn't allowed to vote, and I wouldn't
vote even if they let me. I just enjoy fucking
with people's heads and proving, more often
than not, that the world is upside-down.
don't think the world is upside-down? Consider
More Germans died in World War II than Jews.
Blacks commit racially motivated hate crimes
more frequently than whites.
Women commit acts of domestic assault more
frequently than men.
are all FACTS, bitches, and I can back them
up with the relevant studies, while none of
you will be able to prove me wrong, so don't
even try. I savor these facts only because
they prove that the truth is often the opposite
of public perception. And it is for this reason--not
because I like Republicans--that I'm inclined
to believe that Republicans have sex more
frequently than Democrats.
no amount of earnest googling was able to
track down this study. So instead of the sober,
frank, earnest political analysis for which
I am widely renowned, I instead offer you
a rundown of the hottest twats, past and present,
who people the party of Honest Abe Lincoln.
have bigger dicks than donkeys. Case closed.
National Security Advisor under soon-to-be-reelected
President George W. Bush
SHE'S SEXY: She's the world's most powerful
black woman this side of Oprah. She
has a gap between her teeth. She has
a cute button nose. She advises the
president to kill people.
I'D DO TO HER: Disprove most of the
stereotypes about white men except
perhaps the fact that we smell like
Faithful, loving wife of soon-to-be-reelected
President George W. Bush
SHE'S SEXY: Her eyes are full of fun
'n' mischief. She seems like she'd keep
her cooch relatively clean. And according
to a recently published book, she allegedly
sold weed while in college.
I'D DO TO HER: The Dirty Sanchez while
taking bong hits.
Wife of US Senator Norm Coleman (R-Minnesota)
SHE’S SEXY: Her body language
bespeaks someone who enjoys having a
cock shoved so far up her that sperm
shoots out of her mouth. She recently
caused a scandal when the Washington
Post printed pictures of her seductively
clad in lingerie.
I’D DO TO HER: Ram her from behind
while she grunted "Yah!" with
a Fargo accent.
Former US Transportation Secretary and
one-time presidential contender. Wife
of crotchety Viagra spokesman and former
prez-candidate Bob Dole.
SHE’S SEXY: Beautiful teeth. Nice
eyebrows. Smart, assured, and powerful.
Remains pretty even though she’s
now, like, 80 years old. I can instinctually
tell that her vagina would have a pleasant
I’D DO TO HER: Ask her for career
advice while she blows me, insisting
that she keep my cock in her mouth while
Wife of klutzy ex-Prez Gerald Ford.
Raging alcoholic who sobered up and
started a clinic where stars go to sober
SHE’S SEXY: I’m a sucker
for the bouffant. Plus, I recently viewed
a previously unaired Barbara Walters
interview conducted while Betty was
First Lady. The bitch was so snockered
she could hardly stand up.
I’D DO TO HER: Get her drunk again
and let nature have its way.
Wife of semi-retarded ex-Vice Prez Dan
SHE’S SEXY: Looks like Loretta
Lynn with an overbite.
I’D DO TO HER: Let her nibble
on my dick like it's corn on the cob.
Curator of conservative website capitalistchicks.com
SHE’S SEXY: Will ya look at the
pair of barkin’ MacGuffey’s
I’D DO TO HER: Have her ride me
on top while she wears a party hat,
plays the kazoo, and wears pasties on
Sixteen-year-old niece of soon-to-be-reelected
President George W. Bush
SHE’S SEXY: Nice eyes. You can
just tell she ain’t had no real
I’D DO TO HER: Dry-fuck her ass
the day she turns 18.
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