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xmag.com : October 2004: Another Lonely Night

Porn has always liked to mimic popular TV shows and movies. Over the last few years the industry has moved away from spoofs. Too bad, that's some of the best stuff out there. But this month JM Productions has come to the rescue with GAG FACTOR 15. The first segment has a splendid take-off on the Iraqi prison scandal at Abu Ghraib. In a room packed with guys wearing black headscarves and screaming in Arabic, or at least gibberish intended to sound like Arabic, a translator says: "You Western devils, we will do to your women what you have done to our men. You degraded our people and now we will degrade yours. Semen will flow from your pores and you will know the wrath of the Arab world."

The gang of Islamic fascists, no doubt in need of 71 virgins, proceed to shove their horny Koran cocks down Ashley Blue's throat. Ashley's on her knees decked out in an olive green T-shirt, a desert hat and dog tags. In the middle of gagging she does manage to scream out the words of Private Lynne England and others who were rounded up in the prison sex scandal: "I was only following orders."

Hey, maybe if Private England doesn't end up doing time in a military prison she could jump into porn. She's already got a start, having made a few vids with her Army boyfriend in the Abu Ghraib prison.

This is our FUCK THE VOTE issue. With the war in Iraq center stage, and both Kerry and Bush, in slightly different ways, pledged to stay the course, you might be inclined to opt out. If so, you will soon be reading in the newspaper and hearing from your politically sophisticated friends another major reason you must vote: the future composition of the Supreme Court.

Here's a glance at how it played out four years ago. During the presidential debate Al Gore said "The next president is going to appoint three, maybe even four, justices of the Supreme Court." Conservative right-to-life advocate Gary Bauer said if Bush was elected and filled more than one vacancy, "likely Roe vs. Wade would be overturned." Jesse Jackson, gazing toward the black-robed nine on the throne of justice at the end of the rainbow, said, "It's not about the next four years, it's about the next 40

years." (Jackson probably had his nemesis in mind, Clarence Thomas, 56, the youngest of the justices.)

Over the past four years there has been much speculation in the papers and from the talking heads on TV about justices considering retirement. This speculation centers on four justices, all aging and all of whom have had health problems: William Rehnquist, John Paul Stevens, Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Today, all four remain on the bench. Still, the next administration will almost undoubtedly have to fill at least one vacancy. Especially if history is any indication.

Since the administration of Andrew Johnson after the Civil War, Jimmy Carter is the only president who did not have the opportunity to name a new justice. Barring a vacancy between now and the election, the same will hold for George W. Bush's term.

Excluding George Washington, who made all the appointments on the first Supreme Court, Franklin D. Roosevelt, elected four times while smoking three-and-a-half packs of Pall Malls a day, snagged the most appointments, eight between 1937 and 1943.

Republican William Howard Taft takes second place with five appointments in his single term (1909-1913). Later, Taft returned to Washington and served with some distinction as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court from 1921 to 1930. "Presidents come and go," said Taft, "but the Supreme Court goes on forever."

That none of the vacancies forecasted in 2000 have occurred will only fuel speculation this year with greater urgency, age and health remaining the reasons. John Paul Stevens is the oldest on the court at 84. Chief Justice William Rehnquist turns 80 this month. Only four justices in the history of the court have served beyond their 85th birthdays. Then, too, it has been a ten-year stretch with no openings, the longest since 1823.

Yeah, this time around there will almost certainly be one opening, and likely two or three. Which of these geezers will croak on the bench? When will the multitude of ailments eating away at their interiors send two or three into peaceful retirement?

It's especially easy to get caught up in this less-than-wellness watch. I concede I'm hazy on decisions written by Rehnquist. But I have a bad back, so I've been a devoted follower of his deteriorating spine, ever since 1977. Might he bail because of it, many wondered? No, and might that be because Jimmy Carter sat in the White House? His speech slurred briefly in January, 1982, caused by drugs he used to relieve severe back pain. Six months later he landed in the hospital for minor surgery. Good time to sail away then with Ronald Reagan at the helm. But he stayed aboard. Surgery again in 1995 for a herniated disc while Bill Clinton felt our pain. Might Rehnquist have muttered, "Feel mine, too, no way I'm gonna bolt now."

Rehnquist is way too far to the right for my taste, but given my rude take on the Chief Justice dude, I wish him good health, at the very least for another four years. If you really want to Fuck the Vote, write in Ashley Blue for prez.






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