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xmag.com : December 2004 : Carnal Knowledge



Exotic's production manager threatened Frank this month that if he didn't turn this column in, he was gonna' do something really jacked up. I guess he made good on that threat, cause he turned me loosed on Frank's sacred column. Who am I? Well many of you thought I was dead (or at least wished I was.) Nope, didn't die, I just went to Seattle, which is where they send all pornographers that have been bad. It's me Portland, Spooky's back and while Frank was away being the rock n' roll playboy phenomenon that is he, I hacked into his files and have hijacked carnal knowledge with questionable intent. I was gonna write some bad shit about Doc's, but they aren't here anymore dammit. And nobody else has pissed me off enough to wanna' trash them, I don't have any alcoholic girlfriends to make me crazy, and when I come out here to visit, something amazing has happened. Believe it or not, when I walk into a strip club here in the city of

roses, I ACTUALLY HAVE A GOOD TIME NOW! That's right, I sit at the rack, I buy tabledances and it freakin' ROCKS! I can look at a dancer now and see a gorgeous naked woman, and think impure thoughts, rather than all the "insider" crap that working in this industry used to torture me with. That's one thing I gotta' tip my hat to old Frankie boy about. He and I are both about the same age, and that man has still managed to keep his "boyish" charm and "kid in a candy store" approach to his interaction with the never-ending flood of exotic dancers that Portland continues to produce. He's so goddamned good at it, that writing this little column, (apparently the most read column in the magazine) has gotten to be too much of a burden for him. Maybe having me violate his space will properly motivate him to do so next month. So I'm gonna' leave you now, I gotta' get back to my new labor of love called Exotic Underground Magazine in Seattle (consider it Exotic's little sister that pretends to be a good girl, but is a total whore in the bedroom.) So I'm not gonna tell you to be good, you're all so good at being bad, just keep doing what you do best. And if Frank doesn't have that column in next month, I'll be back and I'll be busting out with some serious dirt for ya from Frank's XXX files.

Merry Christmas Portland

The former pornographer formerly known as





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