hot new ABC show Desperate Housewives
hit the right nerve in America's suburban
psyche. We all like to peep through
the keyhole and check out the dirty
little secrets of those seemingly
contented women beeping the garage
door open for their SUV's. One of
the housewives, Gabrielle, though
married to a wealthy businessman,
is banging their 17-year-old gardener
on the side. In one episode she calls
him on her cell phone and asks him
where he is. "Algebra," he replies.
That's gotta be the funniest line
on TV this year.
Adam & Eve picked up on the lawnboy
theme with CAMERA CLUB.
But while network TV can get away
with a desperate housewife committing
statutory rape with a math whiz, the
gardener in CAMERA CLUB is
way more than barely legal.
housewife, Violet Blue, invites the
gardener into the living room and
gives him a dick massage with her
cute feet. After the gardener leaves,
Violet Blue's husband blasts in the
door after a hard day at the office.
The dutiful wife proceeds to do her
hubby who in turn blasts her in the
Violet hosts a dinner party for
her friends but gets upset that
her husband bandies about the details
of their sex life with the guests.
Violet faints, which strikes me
as possibly melodramatic since she
has been fucking the gardener when
hubby's at work. When she comes
to, her houseful of guests are all
busy fucking and sucking with abandon.
So Violet joins in, going down on
one of her girlfriends. These housewives
are not so desperate after all.
Adam & Eve unloaded a huge box
of DVD's on me, so I'll hang with
them on my lonely night--alone as
always with porn and dreams of what
might have been. In SNOW JOB
Carmen Luvana, a blonde wonder who's
hot enough to burn the sun, plays
a snowbunny grieving over some rich
dude who died. Carmen and a bunch
of her girlfriends retreat to a
wintry mountain cabin to hear the
reading of the will (kind of a weird
place to dole out an estate). A
series of flashbacks has Carmen's
delirious lips drawing out the sugar
in her sugardaddy's cock before
he dies in a car wreck. Brittney
Skye proceeds to add a conventional
twist to this rather thin plot when
she is told the dead dude left her
nothing in the will. The situation
is resolved when Brittney's husband
plunges a pocket rocket in her pussy.
Now there's a dildo with a payoff.
KONG GOOEY is a two-hour
Asian fuckfest. There are about
a dozen scenes with some of the
cutest chop suey in the porn biz,
including Mia Smiles, Miko Lee,
Kaylina Lei, China Moon, Lilly Thai
and Asia Carrena. It's an awesome
box of take-out that goes great
with some pork fried rice.
For goo splashing fans, BLOW
JOB MANIA is a patched-together
compilation tape that's got to have
something in it for ever viewer,
considering it's four hours long.
Carmen Luvana returns again in RACER
X, infiltrating an East
L.A. street gang that's into street
racing and a variety of crime. Some
cool cars in this DVD, along with
Carmen getting banged on the hood
of a trunk.
In the all-girl category, EXTREME
BEHAVIOR 5 continues the
car theme with a group of girls
who work in a garage. The muff mechanics
get a lot more lube out of each
other than any of the cars in for
repair. After a while they get tired
of working on crank cases and take
up streetwalking. It seems when
a girl works on a car it's a straight
line into prostitution, though I
can't really figure out the connection.
In any case they end up in a cat
fight to see who gets to work the
highest paying corner.
I'd go outside and check out that
corner myself, but why bother when
you can stay in and watch porn?